My mother fell and broke hip last Dec. She was in rehab for 3-months and never gained much mobility despite therapy.She is 86 yrs. old.
she was brought home and my brother and myself take care of her 24/7,although my brother has a day job which is only source of income.
We are under a caregiver contract in which our compensation from her for the caregiving is deposited in a joint acct between brother & myself to be used to purchase an interest in her property which is still in her name. The attorney set this up as asset protection if she has to go into a SNF.
My mother has a lot of medical problems which seem to be mounting each and every day. The Home Health has come to help with issues like treating pressure sores, however, they only come for a short time and give me instructions on how to deal with the problem.
The problem is the taxes on our compensation is about 30% of the compensation and when my mother's funds are depleted, we will not be able to pay the taxes on our compensation.
The attorney told us we could opt out of the contract, however this would cause a lien to be put on the family farm if my mother has to go to a SNF. My brother has his house on her property with no where else to go if this were to happen.
The caregiving duties are becoming more than we can handle physically and mentally. My husband is retired and helps me a lot with her care, but this is affecting our relationship and putting a huge strain on the marriage.
We are exhausted and feel our health is at risk due to the stress .
We don't know where to go from here!
Does anyone have a suggestion?
I'm no lawyer, and don't know squat really about the law, but something about this contract stinks...I think money that you earn from care giving should go directly to each of you, not into some joint account. If the money is to be used to purchase an interest in the property, but the property could be under a lien for your mom for a NH...doesn't sound to me like you've got a good deal anyway you look at it. You aren't getting paid at all, from the sounds of it, because there might not be anything left to buy an interest in... But I don't really know.. It smells like a rat to me, because this money you're making from care giving doesn't sound like it's not yours at all the way this lawyer has it set up... Maybe one of the experts has some good advice... I hope this works out for all your sakes. We get how hard this job is, and I fully support you and your family's right to compensation for it, one way or the other. I would find a way to get the money you're owed out of that joint account and into your own personal accounts if possible... get a different contract... I admit this is just beyond me... You want to do right by your mom and get her the care she needs, and her assets should be used for that, but at the same time you're owed money you've earned...and your brother has a home on the land... Sticky indeed... I wish you the best... Please let us know how things are going, and if you've gotten help... I hope you get some really good advice here by the people that know about these things...
Would your mother be willing to sign the deed of the farm over to you and your brother? She could have a "life estate" meaning she gets to live there for the rest of her life, but it would be your asset. Medicaid has a 5 year look-back, so if she needed to go into a care facility before that time, the farm could be an issue. But onlyu p to the value of what the care facility costs for whatever portion of the 5 years remain. I am assuming that your mother gets social security. If she had to go into assisted living, they would take that money as part of their payment. Is the farm owned free and clear of any mortgage, and how much is it worth? Does you mom have any other source of income?
Are you aware that medicare will provide aides to care for your mom usually for about 10 hours per week-depending on what state you live in? Every little bit helps. There are also agencies that can provide you with aides by the hour, usually for 4 hour minimums.
In many states, it has now become popular to place elders in a small private home-usually between 4 and 8 people with a couple of nurses around the clock. This is far less expensive than an institutional facility and better care in many cases. Yours, is a very common situation and this is one of the solutions people are using. I don't fully know your situation but I hope this has given you some things to think about. I also want to mention that something doesn't sound right about your mom's hip surgery or rehab. She should be doing better than what you described. My mom had surgery on each hip when she was just that age. The first went so perfectly she couldn't wait to do the other. But after that one, she could never walk again without a walker. We had her ex-rayed and took her to another specialist. Everyone said it was OK and it was just her age-obviously not since her first surgery left her in fine shape. It wasn't until 5 years later that her surgeon contacted us to say the device used had been faulty from the beginning and is being recalled-and he could do another surgery to remove and replace. By that time my mom was 92 in failing health, contributed to by the hip replacement. Outrageous. I mention this because, your mom should be doing better than she is. I encourage you to look into the reason why she is isn't. Good luck to you, as I know how difficult caring for an aging parent can be.
And if your mother is destitute and goes into a state facility, dependent on state funds, some states reserve the right to go back 5 years into her finances. They can force the sale of some or all of her estate.
However, if your mother has money and you can pay out of her pocket for her insurance and expenses, they cannot touch her estate. Though, out of pocket can be just as devastating.
Again, get a good financial attorney to see where you all stand.
FYI...there is a lot of talk on here about Hospice and because of a recent experience I had with Hospice, I learned that the program is not the same everywhere. For instance, where I live, due to limited staffing, Hospice could only come to the home 1-hour a day. With my situation, that wasn't going to be a help, and wouldn't be for "breaking" either. However, in my area, Hospice has free, in-patient hospital care, which is what we opted for. In comparison, a family member who has had Hospice in her home twice in the past five years...and lives in an adjoining state...was able to have Hospice during the entire day, several days a week. So, just thought I would provide info about how Hospice varies from community to community...program to program. It is not a 'one size-fits all' program or option. One needs to explore the program in their community, before making decisions or assumptions.
Here is my advice, although limited in scope.
1) Call the lawyer. Make an appointment for you and your brother. 2) Cancel the contract. Say bye-bye to your lawyer. Find a way to compensate yourself and your brother for your caregiving. Be careful not to touch her S.S. checks or any other bank account that she may have. The ex-lawyer will be watching.
If life becomes unbearable, find a NH in which your mother will be comfortable, and let the nurses handle the bed sores on a daily basis.