I have been a caregiver for my wife for 5 years. She was diagnosed with scleroderma. I love my wife and I am glad that I can take care of her and love her. I am tired and losing energy. I try to stay as busy as possible so I don't have to think about what if. I never knew you could grieve for someone that is still alive. My wife is pain 24/7. I feel so bad for her. I feel helpless and it brakes my heart. I use to have so much energy and now I am tired. I never thought I would say that I am depressed but I am. I fear that I will find my wife dead. If I can not deal with it now how am I ever going to deal with it when she is gone. I am physically, mentally, emotionlly exausted. My health is being affected. Everytime I go to church, I just cry. I have never felt so many different types of emotions. How do I deal with all of this and where do I start?
God Bless.
I hear your call for help in what you are saying. I speak from having gone to the brink of a breakdown from spending all my time on caring for my special loved one. I woke up one day and realized if I did not do something for myself, I would be unable to cope and both of us would be helpless.
What comes to mind is what the flight attendant on an airline says when demonstrating the drop down oxygen masks in case of emergency:
"First put your mask on so you can breath. Only then put on the masks of your companion."
Perhaps it is time to "put your mask on" and find a way to get rest or help. It isn't easy putting your needs first, but think of what the airline stewardess says and put on your "oxygen" first so then you will be able to deal with your beloved's situation.
My heart reaches out to you in your hour of need.
Stillsongs
We do understand your stress and weakness through this transition and I, like many others, offer you the power of uplifting prayers for strength, peace of mind and spirit as well as HEALTH for yourself.
This community can be a wonderful tool for you to keep expressing your anxiety and fears during this time as well as your own church in which to release your emotions, which is a very good thing at times.
Keep coming back here whenever you are in need. It truly does help to not feel so alone. We are listening.
Blessings to you and may you find peace with every step you take.
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