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I am thinking of moving in to take care of my mother, but she doesn't want me to. She has heart issues and it is difficult for her to get around. I want to move in to take care of her. Can I just move in without her consent?

No, and I wouldn't recommend that you do it anyway. These type of arrangements very seldom work out.

Remain her daughter not her caregiver.
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Reply to MeDolly
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Unless she is cognitively impaired and you are granted guardianship by the court, or by some coincidence your name is also on the deed/lease, then no. It is her home and she as the right to decide who gets to live in it, even if that decision is to her detriment.
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Reply to notgoodenough
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That’s called trespassing, and is indeed illegal.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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It is a beautiful gesture that you want to do that. Most of us want to help in the beginning. You figure it you will be devoting a year, maybe two to help and do.

But can be way longer than that. And care gets harder as they become immobile and incontinent and many elders become downright nasty and you will need to cope with that.

You will be putting your life on hold indefinitely. What I learned about old age is that the decline happens in tiny bits and pieces. They just linger. It takes years before death happens. My mother died in June at 95 after five years of help. My father will be 96, no quality of life but thankfully is in a NH at this point because he is a two person transfer and I am nearly 70 and can’t physically care for him and his money is gone. He is on Medicaid.

You should be prepared and aware that you making a huge sacrifice .

Good luck to you from someone who has been there.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Honestly take it from one long time caregiver to another that's just getting involved. That your mom is doing you a huge favor.

My mom won't even put me on her emergency call list, ever since I tried to talk to her about it , I'm doing more and more for me, less for her. Living my life, if this is the way she wants it, my hands are tied. So why worry if I have no power.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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No, of course you cannot. Not anymore than you could move in with ME without my consent.

The single circumstance I can think of would be if your mother suffered from dementia so severe that she was judged a danger to self or others and was judged mentally incompetent. In that case you would be (if not already her POA) appointed guardian, and could move in to give her care in lieu of placing her in safe care . You would need physician's letters and guardianship (a legal court action).

If your mother is mentally competent, but she doesn't wish you to move in, you can check on her by phone morning and night. If she seems to you incompetent in her care despite being basically mentally competent you can ask for a sheriff or police wellness check and ask that they call in APS if they feel a case should be opened.

Sure do wish you luck in attempting to help your mother.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Does she actually NEED your full time "help" and caregiving?
If she does not need 24/7/365 care then back off.
If she does not want you there..back off.
There are other ways that she can get help if she needs it without you giving up your life, job, family, home to move in and care for her.
Please read all the other comments from people that have moved in with a parent and it does not always go well.

Honestly if someone decided that I needed "help" and they were going to move in with me I would not be happy, I frankly would be pissed. And I would do everything in my power to get them out. Resorting to going to court and getting them legally evicted. Or to the police and getting them arrested as a trespasser.
And possibly filing a restraining order if it got to that.

If you want to keep an eye on mom then a security camera might be the way to go.
Now if mom has had some trips to the ER and it is not safe for her to be alone then talking calmly about other options that might work.
Hired Caregivers
Cameras
Alert Systems
Alexa or other device so she can quickly get hold of you and or you can "drop in on her" to see if everything is ok.
There are programs at many Senior Service Centers where Volunteers contact members just to check in and make sure they are doing well.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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How old is Mom? "Difficult" does not mean she cannot do for herself, just will take her longer. Many people have heart issues and live on their own. If she does not want you there, then don't go. Maybe regular visits just to make sure everything is OK.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Can any of your relatives decide that YOU need help and move into your home even if you don’t want them there? Why would your mother be any different? Unless she’s been declared incompetent by a physician, you cannot make decisions for her regardless of what you believe to be in her best interest. You can be a loving, supportive daughter and check in with her often. Don’t overstep your boundaries. That never ends well.
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Reply to RLWG54
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Why would you do such a thing?? She can call the police and have you removed from her home. Leave your mother alone to fail or thrive on her own. If she fails, then she gets to have help forced upon her.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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