He is an alzheimer patient in skilled care facility, private pay. If he should need skilled nursing, and afraid he is approaching that, I can not afford the pay. I am probably just over the limit for him to qualify for medi-cal. What to do? I took care of him for 4 years before finding the assisted care facility he is now in. I just could not do it any longer. I still have guilt. But I was seriously thinking of driving us into a telephone pole to end the insanity of it. Thank goodness the facility accepted him where he is now. It is a struggle to pay the rent but I can breathe now. I love my husband of 51 years. I miss him every day. He was my hero. I just wasn't strong enough to endure the dreaded disease as it changed him so much. I worry if I he will have to return home. He is in advanced stage of alzheimer but still ambulatory and extremely hard to manage even there.. Has anyone brought a loved one home? He is 87 and I, 80 Thank you for your input.
Do not consider bringing him home. Of course you love him. Of course you miss him. You must do what is best for the both of you, out of that deep love you have for each other. It is difficult for the professionals to manage him in a setting designed to deal with those problems. You cannot expect to be able to do what is right for him in your home.
There IS a way for you to manage this financially. See a lawyer.
Still, I urge dotrt66 to find out EXACTLY what her situation is, and not just to go forward based on assumptions. There will be a way to keep her husband in a nursing home. It may not be ideal, but it will be better than the impossibility of bringing him home.
When I was going through the medicaid application process and discovering that in some cases divorce might be the best option, politicians were yammering about "family values." Made me sick to my stomach.
though it was hard to place her in a nursing home, it was best for both she and I which she would understand if her MIND was still in her brain which it is not, some other entity in torment is in there.
Good luck in getting help - usually mediciad has an 8 year "look back".
Please be sure to talk to an Elder Attorney. If you don't know one call your local area on aging and ask for a referral.
Good luck and please take care of yourself. Cattails.
It sounds like in addition to "what is best for each of us?" you also need to deal with "what can we afford?" If money were no object you'd have more options. That is the reality many of us face, and there is no need to add guility feelings on top of the other stress inherent in the situation.
Bringing your husband home to care for him alone is not an opton. You should not feel guilty about that, any more than your husband should feel guilty for having dementia. It is just a fact you have to work with.
Could you bring your husand home if you had sufficient help in caring for him? What would be "sufficient"? (Don't feel guilty if the answer to this is "no" -- you need to be realistic.)
If he doesn't come home, where would he go? Assissted Living Facility? Memory Care Unit? Group Home or Foster Care? Skilled Nursing Facility?
How would you pay for each of those options? How long could you pay for either in-home care or placement before your money ran out? At that point presumaly you'd need financial assistance, most likely Medicaid. Which of the options you are considering accepts Medicaid?
My heart goes out to you. It is certainly enough of a strain to try to figure out what kind of care is best in your husband's particular situation, but then to also have to factor in the financial realities is very stressful indeed!
You mentioned selling your house. That is a possibility, and it might allow you to pay for one of the options that does not accept Medicaid for at least an initial period. But where would you live? That certainly has to be factored in to what is pactical. You do not have to sell your house to qualify for Medicaid. You are allowed to own a car and a house.
If you are likely to need Medicaid within a few years, I would start the preparation for applying sooner rather than later. Do this under the advice of the elder law attorney.
Again, my heat goes out to you. Do the best you can. Try to lose the guilt!
hat have to be made. Will keep you posted on things to come.