Big problem getting DH up from hospital bed. Has anyone else had this issue?
My husband’s AD is definitely progressing but we are dealing with most of the changes quite well . He loves his recliner and has learned, with prompting, to push himself up from it with his hands to his walker . He does this from other chairs as well . We got a hospital bed as his Dr and PT feel he should not sleep in a recliner at night as a small pressure sore , which thank God with much work and attention is healing between his buttocks. (never thought at this stage in life I’d become so much more intimate with my husband’s behind )
The problem is that no matter how often he is shown how to get up from the bed he can not do it . They prefer him to sleep on one side then switch to another to get even distribution and not favor one area . He suffers from knee pain , back pain and neck pain and even though he can get off the bed when the PT is here during the day, at night , trying to coach him just as she does , he just cannot comprehend what I am telling him and it’s a nightmare for both of us . My heart breaks for him as he is doing his best and trying , as I am. When I finally get him up, after going to the bathroom we head back to the recliner where he gets a good nights sleep. We have purchased a roho cushion which he sits on and also place a pillow under one buttock then switch to another so pressure is not in any one area which has really worked quite well . I get him up and moving every hour or so during the day as instructed and that too has helped.
I admit to being horrified when I saw the mild pressure sore as I was convinced, until being reassured by home healthcare, that somehow I really messed up but now I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong that I just can’t get him to push up from the bed late at night. Was the hospital bed a mistake? I remember my mother as she aged couldn’t sleep in a bed at all and slept in a chair which I never thought twice about. As you can tell from my rambling I’m quite frustrated as all I want is his comfort and well being . Has anyone else had this problem. Any (kind) advice would be appreciated.
29 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- What type of in home care does Blue Cross offer?
- I am caregiver of spouse. Right now I am able to do everything in taking care of us both and our home. Thoughts?
- I need suggestions in preventing my 88 yr old mom from getting out of chair the minute I go answer door or prepare a meal. Any ideas?
- 90 yo demented dad straight caths (w/ assist) as indwelling not an option. Worried about night falls walking/standing to cath. Suggestions?
Also he would probably do better at this point, using a lift chair, rather than a regular recliner. With that it will lift him to just about standing, and make both your lives much easier. Wishing you the best.
Is the hospital bed set as low (or high) as he needs to perform his maximum push?
Could it be his own Circadian rhythm that’s working against the two of you? Might he be so sound asleep by the time he has to move that he just can’t?
Do they make small alternate air pressure pillows that could be used as a small mattress under him if he were sleeping overnight in his lounger?
The ultimate solution for my mother was onion slices. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS, but darned if it didn’t work for the aide we hired. Just putting it out there that there may be some off beat solution right around the corner....
Late at night he is less alert.
He is not already focused on his PT session.
You are not wearing uniform.
You are probably not using the same vocabulary.
I doubt if the light is as bright.
I think it's very unlikely that your body language, pattern of speech and spoken directions are exactly the same as the PTs.
All of which would contribute to DH's being less able to follow directions at two in the morning.
To be fair, I'm not sure I'd be able to follow directions at two in the morning...
However. Why not ask the PT to watch you prompting your husband to get up and off the bed? - then if there are any glitches or key differences, she can correct you.
For this to work, though, you will have to be patient with yourself and thick-skinned about criticism - invite it, don't hurry past it!
What I usually see with spouses and children engaged in "moving and handling" routines is that: they rapid-fire and repeat instructions if the person doesn't immediately get it right; they are too quick to intervene physically; they talk too loudly and their voices rise in tone; they give commands which seem clear until you act them out but are actually ambiguous.
Where is the routine going wrong? Is he unable to:
sit up
bring his legs over the edge of the bed
sit up on the edge of the bed
place his feet
place his hands
push up to stand
Does he have any kind of equipment for mobilising, like a bed stick or a grab bar?
I've had some success with asking the person to copy me, then literally doing what I want him to do.
I also had to give up with one client after I'd tried every approach I could possibly think of. I sighed deeply and sat down slumped next to him. At which point with no prompting at all he simply stood up and took hold of his walking frame.
The hospital bed was not a mistake. You are not making any mistakes. You and he will find the way that suits you :)
Thank you AnnReid for that first paragraph to show me I’m not the only one blaming myself for things beyond my control .And funkygrandma59 a lift chair is a great idea .
Just getting my dilemma out there and seeing the answers to it has eased my heart and my mind and I thank you . I’m hoping when the nurse comes today she’ll confirm that the pressure sore is doing well and when I see the PT Tuesday I will definitely ask her to step back and watch how I’m doing things . I have a feeling my tone is a bit too sympathetic and maybe I need to be a bit more firm . Who knows exactly right ?
Thank you .
You need to tell PT their suggestion is not working. Because of the pain your husband suffers he is unable to turn himself and can't get out of the bed. He is much more comfortable in his recliner and sleeps better.
My Moms PT made suggestions too, some I took, some I dismissed. One was the bathroom Mom used. It had been a powder room and we added a shower stall. The door was small. She had to go in sideways with her walker.. OT suggested widening the door and making it a pocket door. Well that wouldn't work because the heater vent was on the same wall. Would have been a major job and we just put out 7k for the powder room to be remodeled. It involved our laundry room too. Ended up Mom did alright getting around her room without a walker.
Your husband has Dementia. He doesn't remember how to do it and you should not strain to help him. Do the best you can. PT is just temporary, right. Learn how to care for the bedsore, he could get this lying in a bed, and when PT is gone do what works for you and husband.
When my mom was released from the hospital/rehab facility in May after having COVID, severe dehydration/UTI along with bi-lateral pneumonia, hospice came into the picture. She became bedbound due to lack of eating (she was completely mobile up to that point and is 95 with Alzheimer's). Then the bed sores started to develop while lying in the hospital bed they had set up upon move-in.
She had level 2 sores and I know once they get too bad, they are nearly impossible to heal. We just had gotten a new MC Director who wanted me to change hospice companies because the one I had wanted to wait until she reached a level 3 bedsore. She didn't believe in that. What she wanted was a hospice company who would provide a low air loss mattress and she gave me the name of two as well as having called them to see if they would provide one. They both did. I changed companies and my mom was able heal completely.
The facility gave her a recliner but, she doesn't like to sit in it and has fallen trying to get out of it shortly after they put her in it.
My mom was completely mobile before all these things happened but, now 95% of the time she wants to stay in bed. I know she is very tired and it's a real effort for them to get her up and into a wheelchair just to go to the dining room. She is on her third P/T and O/T company. This one is really wanting to work with her to the point they have now scheduled them around her mealtime so they only have to get her up one time. They do the therapy and then take her to the dining room for a meal.
When hospice had to discharge her from their services, my husband and I bought a Tempurpedic Adjustable Bed. If she is lower than she should be, they grab her bed sheet that's under her and use that to pull her up into a more comfortable position. This is done just by one person because they have enough leverage with the sheet to move her so she's a little more in an upright position.
I hope you are able to come up with something to help your husband!
The healthcare nurse today was very encouraged by how well his sore is healing and explained again how common they are when you don’t move around enough so I’m realizing the hospital bed is no guarantee. Your reply and all the others helped me to see that I need to do what works for our particular situation and unless you’re us
“ nobody gets it “
I'm glad your nurse was encouraged to see how well your husband's bedsore is healing. Even though we don't want them to get sores at all, there's a little relief knowing how common they really are. In all actuality, there's no guarantees about "anything" in life period. When my mom lived in her previous ALF she had her own queen bed from her house. When I noticed she was staying in bed longer, I bought a gel pressure topper at least 3-4" thick to put on her bed. I think it can go up to 5" but, I wasn't sure if her bedding would fit over it at that point. She really liked it.
As I've often said, there's no caregiver's "step-by-step handbook" and there's no "one-size fits all" solutions. People come to the forum and ask for help/advice/suggestions (in your case you asked for "kind" ones at that) and it's up to them to read through each answer taking what they like or feel is at least worth a try and discard the rest. No two situations are alike even if there are some similarities because no two people are alike.
This is the first forum/social media platform I've ever been on and I'm glad you like my screenname. I'm an only child (58) to depression era parents with my mom's remaining siblings ranging in ages from 75-90 who all live in other states. They took care of spouses in their homes and one cousin brought my aunt and uncle into hers for several years. Whenever we had a crisis with no support, my husband and I would always be upset and say (rather loudly I might add) "NOBODY GETS IT!" and that's what I went with.
Blessings to you as you forge ahead in this journey!
With all the stressors of life in general and then add to that taking care of a loved one when they can no longer care for themselves a little kindness, understanding and empathy go a long, long way.
Being on the forum since July, I've read so many heartbreaking, gut-wrenching stories and situations that it's helped me to be grateful with my own situation and in my own journey.
Thank you for the sentiment (I hope you got my message I sent you a few days ago about your dog)!
Can he get to the bed edge?
Can his sit himself up? Is he getting stuck from there?
If so, I would try with his walker in front. Feet well positioned. One hand to push up from the bed, the other hand already on the walker, lean shoulders over toes, forward & up. If he can sit with stabilty on the bed, (holding the walker), then a little more height from the whole bed may nearly stand him.
Just remember to lower the bed to normal before he gets back in.
Oh well when she comes this week we’ll try again but at this point he is happy and comfortable on his recliner and I’m shifting him around and making him get up and walk more so maybe the answer is to just roll with it and do what works .
thank you so much for your suggestions . Everyone has been so helpful .
Is she taller than you? Speak faster or slower or louder or lower than you do?
Where does she stand? At the head of the bed, near the foot? By his side? Close to the bed or across the room?
What are the words used that your DH responds to?
So, just think about it very methodically. Watch the video for the smallest detail. Perhaps notice how long it takes for him to complete each movement. Maybe the PT can video you and then allow you to see yourself interacting with DH. She may be able to give you pointers that make sense to you after seeing yourself. Videoing is a great learning tool.
It is puzzling as to why he is able to get up with the PT but not with you. I’ve actually experienced this with my DH aunt, 94 and with dementia.
Once when her therapist asked her to walk to a chair across the room, she could not do it. I knew she walked past that chair every morning and night when she turned her Christmas tree lights off and on. But when he asked her if she could walk to that chair, something stopped her. She really struggled to take the tiniest steps. They had just walked together all over the house so it was really odd.
So notice the therapist words vs your words to see if you can find a key. The tangles in his brain may not allow him to follow one direction when he can another.
One last little thought. Perhaps write down the words the pt uses verbatim. Then you read each step to DH and dont say anything else until he’s completed that step and then read the next step.
Sorry if none of this is helpful.
You are obviously taking very good care of him.
https://www.agingcare.com/products/bedcane-136322.htm
would give him something to grab.
Blame the aging process. The core muscles weakens & arm strength fades.
Even IF he is on his back, nice & high up to the pillow, a hospital bed only bends so far. Won't be 90 degrees - and then maybe he can't sit upright on his own while you swing his legs around.
He can do this with 1 x assist in daylight & awake. But not in the dark & sleepy - now will need 2 x assist at night which is not possible.
So staying in bed & using bedpans & urinal bottles overnight may be the answer.
My relative (who lives alone) cannot get out of bed unaided anymore so relies on depends at night & an aide to arrive in the morning to get up.
Transition !! I love that you grasped the issue like that . You are also right about the hospital bed and his swinging his legs around . Your post and my morning cup of coffee while DH is still sleeping soundly on his recliner has made my day start off well .
It has been one year now and he's never had a bed sore.
He keeps in the lying position with his feet up so to keep less pressure on his butt then if sitting.
It also keeps his feet from swelling keeping them elevated.
The recliner chair purchased was tge one with the hand held remote that makes the chair sit and lay back. This particular chair bottom goes down at a slant that help make it easier for him getting in and out of the recliner chair to a standing position to his walker.
Hospital beds are awful.
They are very uncomfortable even when you have a thick gel pad on it.
Just try it yourself like l did and you'll understand.
The Hispital bed I purchased was a waste of money.
Let him sleep in his Recliner and besides the pillow for his butt, also use a nice comfy fitting single bed topper. A Size Twin fits My Dad's Recliner perfectly.
Prayers
He too slept in his recliner starting while in Independent and traded out his manual recliner with a used chair lift. The doctors and nurses also didn't want him sleeping in the chair. He also got a pressure sore. It was suggested we get a chair pad for him to relieve it. While at VA for his hearing aids, I asked about chair pads. Bless them for they just gave him one - It was plastic, filled with air and had sealed holes throughout which worked. I don't know what the cushion was called.
He continued to sleep in his chair until he went to the SNF. He was on hospice by then and they provided a bed with the appropriate mattress.
Long story short the hospice nurse (while in AL) said his sleeping in the chair was fine. Just find a cushion that will keep him from getting pressure sores.
I know a lot of people who sleep in recliner. I did it for a very long time because laying flat in a bed was not comfortable. They also have recliners that go all the way to a laying down position that would help relieve pressure. Chairs have 2 arms to push against when standing, so I can understand why it might be more difficult to rise from a bed. I've also seen a bed on the internet that goes up to sitting position and turns to exit - just like a chair. Search for: ActiveCare™ Standard Rotating Pivot Hospital Bed. More than likely, pricey, but may be a huge help now and in the future.
My mom has trouble transitioning from bed to wheelchair, wheelchair to toilet, toilet to wheelchair and wheelchair back to bed again. It can take an hour for a bathroom trip in the middle of the night. To me, it seems like the issue is motor planning or muscle memory more than strength or pain. It is worse at night, because she is groggy. I'll tell her over and over again to reach for the grab bar (right hand, not left or both) then I coach her to stand up... She just looks at me like I asked her to fly to the moon.
For us, since I and my mom's caregivers are all pretty strong, and my mom is probably less than 100 pounds these days, we often assist/lift her - a PT taught me how.
This is something you can talk to the PT about, and think outside the box. Does he really need to go to the bathroom? Can he use a urinal in bed? Diapers? Can you get a grab bar above the bed?
my son also had a sore that with daily care began to heal before he died. The hospice nurse didnt think this would happen. The procedure for care was simple.
my husband who is healthy sleeps in a recliner every night since he is heavy and lying flat is uncomfortable for him. We each get a good nights sleep too.
it sounds like youre going to have continuing bedsores to care for so it seems to me that letting him sleep comfortably may be the most important thing along with your good wound care.
to do . My overthinking tires me more than the actual caregiving sometimes .
i think we worry too much and body chemistry blocks our thinking and so we cant come up with a good idea ... what if im wrong !!!
you want to do what's right and do something that works and so you asked questions.
thats what the site is for ... we can give suggestions and options and make remarks that can be just what the questioner needs.
so try to relax. We’re here for each other.