Best incontinence aids?
You'd think I'd know this by now!
Mom has had an internal catheter and urine collector bag for over 5 years. It was NEVER a good 'fit' and she leaked a lot, but just put a pad in her underwear. She had to empty the bag twice a day, which was a chore, but she didn't have to go to the bathroom and she was happy with that 'freedom'.
I guess the cath stopped working and the dr pulled it and said "You can't wear this forever--it's actually making you have constant UTI's and we cannot treat them".
So she has to wear 'diapers' (She calls them that, I don't) and she says they don't catch a thing, she 'gushes' urine all over the place every time she stands up or sits down. I think her sphincter is completely shot--she can't hold or release urine.
I said "Mom, there are countless incontinence products out there. How often are you changing them out?' Well, once a day. Because they are so expensive. (SMH)
I told her I would see if y'all had really good recommendations for products that hold a LOT of fluid. Besides baby diapers, which, BTW, will hold up tp 6 CUPS of water before they explode. (Thank you 5th grade science fair!)
I think she is putting one on with a pad in the am and expecting it to hold the day's urine.
She truly HATES going to the bathroom. I don't think she can actually 'go' but she needs to change more often.
On the bright side, her apartment doesn't stink anymore. It was those old, cracked, stained cath bags hanging around.
MAybe some hints I can give her about making the change quickly? I think she's struggling with that, too.
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I talked to mom a few weeks ago about the PureWick system, which she had seen on TV but couldn't wrap her brain around. I told her I would look into it for her. She is always complaining about her issues with her 'diapers' (I do not call them that, she does) and esp about wetting the bed every night and what a mess that is..on and on...
So, ok, I look it up, watch the video. Read the reviews, do the research and decide that this is something that could really benefit her.
Went up yesterday and plugged in my laptop and couldn't get the wifi to connect and everyone in the house is ASLEEP (it's 1 pm!!) and I can't get anyone to answer the phone and give me the stupid wifi security code, so I could only use my phone and mom couldn't see the video---
This all takes me an hour and finally she 'gets it' and says "Oh, I talked to R (my YB who 'cares' for her) and he said that these things are just horrible, cause UTI's all the time and are impossible to empty without spilling. He decided I didn't need it."
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I said "Mom, R tells you what HE WANTS YOU TO HEAR so you will quietly obey him. Are you not even going to TRY this? You LIKE waking up sopping wet and smelly and changing your bed from the pad out every day?"
I mean, yeah, it was pointless to be angry with her. If R says she can't have/do something, it can't happen. I HATE that he brainwashes her. Hate, hate, hate it.
I actually asked her to call him (he was just upstairs in bed) to get the code and she said "Oh, that phone number is only for work calls. He doesn't pick up". Well, that also is a lie and a pretty mean one too. She cannot get up the huge flight of stairs to where the family lives, so she just relies on listening for someone to walk downstairs to grab them and get a message to R.
It's no skin off my nose. R does not return phone calls, texts or emails, ever. And he wonders why the rest of us sibs get mad at him. It would take 5 minutes to compose and send a text or email once a month to let us know how mom is or what she may need from one of us.
I'm going to take a minute to cool off and might place a call to APS next week. I truly think his behavior towards her borders on abuse. Definitely neglect--where she has to sit and wait for anyone to come down the stairs before she can find someone to help her--no one will answer her calls! And the house is full of 4 adult daughters ages 24-34 along with my SIL and my brother. She should not have to sit in a messy diaper b/c she can't wipe herself anymore. It's humiliating and I feel, abusive.
Done with the rant. I guess I just don't 'get' that mom will not stand up to R and he has total mental control over her. I don't think that's right at all.
I'm going up tomorrow with my laptop and having her watch the 'tutorial' so she has an idea of what she'd be getting into.
If she wants to order a system, then she needs YB's OK. She will NOT be able to empty the contents of the container w/o spilling, just won't happen--so somebody from YB's home will need to step up. There's 6 adults living there--shouldn't be too hard.
If she could wake up dry--I think it would be a game changer, Yes, they are very expensive, but she has the money for it and will pay for it herself. Maybe it will cut down on her crazy catalog spending!
I also am going to encourage her to buy better incontinence 'diapers'. She goes real cheap on those. And encourage her to change them more often than every 6 hrs. Then I am done with this drama :)
I did tell her about the PureWick system. It was, in fact, the exact thing she had talked about seeing on TV. But with no ability to use a computer or even the capability to write down the number on the screen, she was at a loss.
I should be getting a brochure from the PureWick company, but if it doesn't come today, Monday I will go to her apt with my laptop and let her look at it online.
After she told me that she has peed her bed NIGHTLY for a couple of months, and 'dribbled' in her pants every day--I said "Mom, you HAVE the money for quality incontinence supplies. Please don't go cheap on these!"
She has been buying the cheapest diapers (she calls them that, so I will too) that are cotton filled, no 'super soakers' b/c she said they're bad for the environment. I pointed out that all baby diapers have these super absorbent crystals in them that actually absorb like 100xs their volume. Probably that's whats in POISE pads, which she wears 2 of along with the cotton diaper. YB works as an EMT and he brought home what the hospitals use on bed ridden patients. She was putting one of these on top of a diaper and 2 poise pads. I don't how she ever fell asleep with all this 'stuff' on. She did had one 'dry night' and was so hopeful that she'd hit on the answer. And maybe that's what she'll continue doing, IDK.
I did tell her that she should at least give the PureWick a try--as she does not move once she's in bed, it should be just right for her.
Yes, the cost is hard to swallow---but I told her to stop sending money to all the grands & GGkids on their birthdays. That's probably $1000 a year and NOBODY needs the money. It's a nice gesture but she needs to spend her money on herself.
She's going to need a new mattress and carpet soon. Probably a new recliner. She said she 'dribbles' all day and always has wet pants. I asked if she changed her clothes and she said "oh it's just a dribble"---but it sure adds to the funk in her place. I took a box of kleenex from her place and it smelled so bad I threw it away--after seeing her, I have to change from the skin out as my clothes smell so bad.
She said she has to change pads and diaper every 4 hours, but I pointed out that most women go to the bathroom that often, that's not unnatural. She hasn't had ANY sphincter control since she had the indwelling catheter (5+ years?) She has zero bladder control.
I'm just ranting a little, this morning. I want to help her, and I try, as much as I can stand. DH will not ever talk to me about my mom and will leave the room if I start. (He's angry b/c I walked away from anything to do with his mother and he thinks I should be 'helping her' more, it's my duty. I won't and so he's being a little brat about it. Not realizing he has not seen my mother for 2 years and she lives less than 2 miles away.)
Ah well, I am, as always, only as good at my last 'at bat' and I was able to replace the hamper she broke, so I am currently NOT in the doghouse.
She had mentioned the PureWick, but she couldn't remember what it did or anything other than it 'sat on the nightstand and collected urine'. Since she has now been dxed with dementia (who knows what level? and some days she's awful and some she's OK)--so I came home and did a little research and read up on the PureWick. Talked to YB (b/c EVERYTHING has to go through him) and he said "yeah, I've heard of that" but didn't want to talk about it. (He is a covid long hauler and is sick a LOT and sleeps a LOT, so finding a space of time where he will engage with you--hard to do). He seemed totally disinterested in helping her with this newest problem and so it kind of falls to me. He'd rather clean up than fix the problem.
I sent away for a brochure on the PureWick and will take it to her. YB will make the decision as to whether it will work for her or not. I asked him only if she had funds for this, as it's really an expensive device (which makes me think she'll forgo it) but he assured me she had plenty of money.
Since she does not move, once she is in bed, I think this may work for her. Although I really hate getting involved in ANY issues with her (b/c I ALWAYS get slapped back for even suggesting a fix for something) this peeing the bed everynight and the recliner etc., is a really fixable situation.
She had a huge box of 'diapers' in her hallway and I looked in the box and she is buying super cheap ones--not helping at all. Plus she has so little space (bit of a hoarder) and so boxes are EVERYWHERE.
Mom Heal--we were talking on both sites, so I really appreciate your input. I wanted to hear from someone who used the actual PureWick.
I use both the products above as well as the purewick when my mom is in bed. During the day and out and about we use the above brands and in bed and overnight I use the purewick.
I do not use these for their lower cost as it’s what we grabbed day one when we knew nothing and they have worked very well since - I know how important skin integrity and UTI are so I would not have kept these brands if they didn’t work well..so these are 2 products that are cheaper in price and work for my mom (whom is bed or wheelchair at all times). She will have to change any product more than once a day though so maybe trying just the large panty liner it will help her just change that throughout the day?
We also use the external cath at night - it’s called the purewick (you can google) - that is costly. But my moms overnight pantry liner from Walgreens works very well for when she is out all day - it absorbs a lot and seldom leaks - so maybe check Walgreens for buy one get 50% off the second?
In her defense, she grew up in modest circumstances, and to her it seemed wasteful. I told her not to worry, the Depends were cheaper than a UTI.
With my husband, I used a Guard pad inside his pull-ups. Although they are designed for men, with more padding up front, maybe they would help for your mom. They hold a whole lot of liquid.
Good luck with mom.
At night I put a "wrap-around" extra thick diaper on him because he could never get through the night with a Depends and pad-there were side leaks. On top of it, he wears a stretchy long boxer short to keep it in place during the night. Most nights he gets through to morning without leaking.
Another thing to watch for is diaper rash. I routinely use a barrier cream and if I notice a rash possibility I apply Desiden, or "Butt Paste".
Good Luck with your Mom! At least she is able to change herself but needs convincing on how often. Perhaps a suggested routine of checking the pad every 2 hours during the day might work, and stressing the importance of changing out the pad, to avoid a nasty case of diaper rash.
She has no computer abilities, so I guess I can do some research. I am positive she's buying the cheapest thing out there and trying to make it last for 12 hours.
This is a new thing--before the catheterization, she was just lightly 'leaking' but after that many years with a cath bag, she got complacent. It leaked a lot too, b/c she wouldn't empty it frequently enough. I don't get why a cath bag strapped to her leg is 'better' than a depends of some kind. The cath bag leaked a LOT of the time and all her clothes just stunk.
Always something, isn't it?
Take some time to check out the websites of Depends, Always, Tena and whatever other products are easily available at your local stores, they are full of information about their products and some even provide free samples. If she really can't/won't change more than once a day then you will probably need to order one of the premium products - google something like "best adult diapers" to find reviews.
Why the catheter and the bag strapped to her leg were more accpetable than wearing a panty is beyond me. She's had several surgeries to repair bladder prolapse and none of them helped. I feel for her--although she smells so much better it's amazing. I think she got out of the habit of going to the toilet and just enjoyed the 'freedom' of the cath bag.
Wondering if she has a panty-type thing or one that rips up the sides like a baby diaper. Maybe she could change the kind she uses--IDK, she brought up the subject so that means I can talk to her about it.
Watching her go through YEARS of bladder leakage has made me grateful I gave birth via-c-section 5 times and have the pelvic floor of a 16 year old! If I'd pushed those 10 lb babies out this would be ME dealing with leaking!