Mom and sister have just moved into AL together. Hit our first snag—we opted for no landline. Mom was continually mixing numbers as she dialed, but worse, had become prey to the many scam callers. I bought an old-fashioned handset to plug into sister’s cell, and that has worked well for calls.
Well, sister went back to the house for a bit to pick up odds and ends. Mom got worried she was taking too long, and decided to go look for sister. Another resident helped her down the VERY long hallway and then home again.
This is the first instance of anything resembling wandering we have seen. I am trying not to panic. It is just day five of her new home and the stress level is high, so I am hoping as mom acclimates the anxiety will go away.
Has anyone used an Alexa in place of a phone? I am researching, and it looks like mom could simply say, “Alexa, call sister” and the connection is made to the cell. There is also a “drop-in” feature where sister could, I think, listen in on mom, making the connection from her end, kind of like a baby monitor—but she could have a conversation with mom too, like an intercom.
I am NOT tech savvy. This sounds like a potential good solution though. Plan B would be a landline with a phone with speed-dial buttons with family member names. But the predator/scam calls would become a problem again. Scary! Mom is feeling helpless with no way to call sister. Thanks!
I can't say that a lot of our clients are using Alexa but it is beginning to catch on, and the ones that do love it.
And perhaps one day she will remember and the next day she won't, thus causing her more frustration.
I'm not sure what the best solution would be, but perhaps someone else might have some better ideas.
Good luck with getting things figured out.
I'm one of the silent readers here, so appreciate all who give their perspectives. This forum has helped me beyond words to deal with our new world since Mom's life was upended. Thank you!
It's unlikely that she'll be able to learn a new behavior like using Alexa, because it's a fairly new technology that she hasn't used before. My mom could not pick up using Siri on her ipad. We do facetime her, and she can sometimes call me back on it if she sees a missed call. I heard the Echo Show(?) is nice because you can dial in and go 'live' without the person having to pick up. I'm not really familiar with it, but people seem to like it.
The landline phone is your best bet for her being able to call you. The more it looks like a traditional phone, the better, but if she can't remember phone numbers or how to use a phone list to look them up, you might need the kind with names/photos on big buttons. Get one that lets you turn off the ringer and it will be harder for anyone to call her, so scammers can't get through but family and friends can use their Alexa or App on their own devices to call her.
I wouldn’t trust her with a phone unless you can prevent outside scam calls. As for Alexa, we have one. It’s great. But it’s unlikely that your mom would remember to use it or even what it’s for. That’s been my experience with my LO.
Better to calm mom’s anxiety so she (hopefully) won’t want to call anyone. And if she makes new friends, that might help too.
We LOVE our Alexa and we have Echo Dots and an Echo Show and our kids even have Alexa enabled TVs (which was a lifesaver yesterday because we were out of town and youngest DD (young adult) had her phone on silent but always has her tv on and there was a package on the porch in the rain and I sent an announcement through Alexa to the entire house using my phone and she could hear that - so that part is awesome.
They are a great tool. You just have to make sure they know how to use it properly.
And for just a touch of humor. Please take a moment and look up the SNL Alexa Silver skit on You Tube. It will make you laugh for sure.
Alexa can call 911 IF you have AT&T Number Sync or Verizon Number Share
https://www.att.com/features/numbersync/
https://www.verizon.com/support/number-share-home-faqs/
There is also an Amazon service called Alexa Together that has a 24/7 response center.
https://www.amazon.com/b?node=23666031011
It may be time for meds for your Mom. It sounds like she is Shadowing her sister (a common phase in dementia where she doesn't want her to be out of sight because she can't understand, remember where she went).
My question would be, you don't expect Mom to leave her room? My Mom was in a small AL. She had Dementia and needed to use a walker. She was primarily kept in the Common area but was able to walk the hallway. The hallway went around the inside of the one story building so always ended up at the Common area. There were big chairs all along the way. I found my Moms shoes next to a chair.
If your sister is not in the same room or able to be there all the time, Mom is going to wander. You can't expect her to stay all by herself in a room. If your afraid she will get out of the building, then she should have been placed in Memory care.
When sister leaves the building she probably has to sign out. At that time maybe she should ask Staff to watch out for Mom. Or take Mom to the Common area where she can be watched.
No, she does not need a phone if she can't properly use it. And Sis should allow staff to care for Mom in all ways. That way when she needs time to herself, Mom is familiar with staff.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvT_gqs5ETk
I can not imagine this is a good solution.
It sounds like mom should be in Memory Care rather than AL.
MC would be a locked unit, she can wander the halls but not leave the building. The staff ratio is better in MC than AL or IL.
OK...just read your other post and it answers some of the questions I had.
A suggestion for you...
If sister has to leave the building is it possible that she could bring mom to an activity that will be supervised or can she arrange a short stay in Memory Care so that mom would be supervised and be in a more confined area of the building. In either case she would have people that would be able to reassure her that sister will be back soon.
I also am not tech savvy and I have no idea if Alexa or any of the devices like that would work. I do know I would not one in my house.
And good lord...it is terrible when you are trying to TELL someone something about Alexa and you are NOT wanting "her" to do something. You can't just say "so I said 'Alexa do this blah blah' and she this is what she did" because the Dot or Show will start to do it all over again. So we have started with "A.L.E.X.A. blah blah so she doesn't start doing whatever it is."
We also have Battle of the Dots. Youngest DD will start playing music on the Dots from room to room. But I can turn it down or change it from my phone! Drives her crazy!
Of course my mom can leave the room. No, of course staff cannot and should not be responsible for looking after my mother. We do not expect them to. But they have been clear they can manage “smaller” confusion issues to a degree—it was discussed going in. This AL is a step-up care kind of place, with many mild to moderate residents, and an “in-between” wing for residents not quite ready for MC. We chose it for this reason, but honestly most of the places I toured have a significant percentage of the residents dealing with some degree of dementia, and they were very open about it. It is a growing issue for our seniors.
Mom does have anxiety meds available to take when needed, and we will certainly be using them more now. Moving is a terrible stress in the best situations. She is only five days into the new AL, and there will be stress to be managed for many weeks, I am sure.
The situation with my sister and mother sharing the apartment is one we considered carefully, and we are fully aware it might not work long term—but my sister wanted very much to try. She has deformed feet and cannot walk well, and some other health issues, and is excited about being in this facility for herself. She used to be an aide in nursing homes as her profession, and has been my parents’ caretaker—by her choice—for several years. She is familiar with what will be required of her, and possible issues that will need to be worked through. My sister has very little money, and is in her 60s. She sees this as a wonderful opportunity for community for herself, and is loving the support of meals and housekeeping. All the IADLs are off her plate, with only the ADLs for mom left, which are her strength. After two years my sister can transition to Medicaid pay and stay the rest of her life here, something she is hoping for.
Going forward, Mom will be taken by an aide to participate in meals and activities each day, as well as therapy twice a week. For my mom, this is a very full schedule. My sister is not able to easily go places, and plans to make the AL her “world”. She will be participating in most of the same activities as mom, though likely with different new friends.
There are four or five other mothers and daughters who share an apartment at this facility. It is a solution others are trying as well.
The even freakier thing is that oldest DD is away at college 2 1/2 hours away. She has an Alexa enabled Fire TV that she got for Christmas. I didn't even think anything of it until she texted me one night and asked me why I told her to take her garbage out. I said "Honey, I didn't tell you to take your garbage out." She said "Mom, yes you did. You said 'don't forget you need to take the garbage out'. I clearly heard your voice." and then I realized - she had her TV tied to our Amazon account, which is tied to our Alexa account - so any announcement I make - she is going to get it at school too. She also knows when someone rings our doorbell LOL. Luckily she doesn't get notifications when someone just walks on the porch, it's only when someone actually rings the bell.
But I agree - if someone is already confused- hearing Alexa talking would probably be confusing and potentially very scary for them.
My SILs parents must have been in an AL like this. She didn't need it so much but he had ALZ. She came and went because she knew the staff would look out for him. She loved the activities. She went on the outings. At my Moms, they had outside entertainment come in. I would go when they had it.
Yes, the decor has an 80s vibe, but so does my mom. :) The apartments are larger than those in newer facilities. My mom, who lived in a never-updated home built in the 60s (where I grew up) is just thrilled with outlets that have three prongs, newer carpet, old-growth trees out her window, and her very own bath for the first time ever! (Our family home was 1bath for two parents and three kids.) And—she now has a walk-in shower no less!
It it is too soon to know for sure but it seems this place will be a good place, and I hope my sister and mom can make it work!
Our local PACE also started using "grandpads" a couple of years ago.
still had a problem with the magazines subscriptions thou. The companies would call and my Mr. would order another subscription. When I finally realized what was going on i had to cancel 28+ subscriptions for the same magazine he had! Fortunately the company was understanding.
he has a hard time remembering how to ask her to call someone. He also gets confused with the regular phone and forget about using a cell phone! We also found a phone that we can add specific numbers to and have the person’s name or photo put on a button for them to push as a direct call with no dialing needed. My handicapped brother also uses it! As for the scam calls, we have a vtech phone that can have call blocking. You program numbers that you want to go through to her and any other numbers get cut off. Unfortunately, the phone will ring once for an unknown number but it then gives a message to the caller that these calls are screened. It has cut down on the number of unwanted calls.
Does the facility offer a Wander Guard? It's a bracelet or pendant that can be worn that would keep her from exiting the building. I think she will soon learn her way back to her "new home" and the other residents really don't seem to mind redirecting.....they do that with several in the AL facility my mom is in.
"Alexa, call sister" once you have set up her number as an "Alexa Contact. This was a great help to a friend who was going blind
The drop-in feature is also great where her sister could use it like an intercom, or a video call, without any action being necessary on your mom's part.
However, this requires a more complex setup.
https://www.techenhancedlife.com/citizen-research/how-set-alexa-calling-loved-one