Mom's behaviors continue to increase in being more challenging. I need to keep my BP down after an aortic dissection. I am learning to be less reactive when her behavior agitates me. Made worse by her beloved husband whose ignorance is beyond maddening. I.e. we COULD easily wrap some light weight chain around a couple knobs on doors to our kitchen (2 louvered ones) attach a small (ie luggage) lock and keep her locked out so she couldn't access the fridge which is like her entertainment system. He refuses. A toddler proof locked was defeated when she was determined and put all her strength into it. My plan was that that lock would work and we got a mini fridge for the family room she could access where healthy food and snacks would be for her to find. She has not used that, and it has become a "secret" (but really not) hiding spot where dad has stashed his collection of salad dressings, me a couple bottles of juice I am afraid to open because they may leak if on their sides. She has taken to dumping out things in the big fridge...or possibly consuming them. Condiments, dressings, ketchup, mustard, chocolate syrup etc. She has dumped out my carafe of freshly brewed iced tea 3 times in one week. Last week I suspected something was going on with the bbq sauce. So I have taken to marking with a line on the label what I can. One day the level of product was HIGHER. An equally scary thought. Last week I caught her sticking her dirty fingers into a jar of their jam, to eat....after sucking on her fingers, back in the jar again. Yesterday she was gnawing on celery, unwashed. We cannot watch her 24/7 and the behavior is not so horrendous (and no wandering or bathroom issues) I cannot justify placement, but her refusal to listen and obey others to help maintain boundaries and sanity is a challenge. I do have one toddler lock she has not figured out on the fruit bin in the fridge. So this is my locked safe spot. How have others coped with this issue and/or what type of lock have you used? PS....if she is not challenge enough, my father uses things up he has not purchased so there is none for Me.
Sometimes, you need to tell a client that you’ve done literally EVERY SINGLE LOVING GENEROUS THING that you can, and that it’s time to consider sharing the care of your cherished LOs with trained professionals who can allow you to become once again the child who loves them, but cannot supervise and care for them 24/7.
You are important, and YOU deserve THE BEST CARE that YOU can GIVE YOURSELF.
A refrigerator lock is SO MINOR, but definitely SO MAJOR. And you know of course that there are all the other SO, BUT NOT SO, but vexing issues that fill your day when trying to do it all for mom and dad.
The last three words of your post brought tears to my eyes, which doesn’t happen here too often. Wait, I’m actually seeing 5 words- “........there is none for ME”.
But you know, you’re not as well right now as you might have been when you took this overwhelming labor-of-love assignment on. And every day, however much you love them, the unexpected idiosyncratic situations are a little more frustrating, a little more wearying.
So starting right now, PLEASE be sure that there’s a balance point, not just for the refrigerators of your life, but for the whole thing. Draw an arbitrary line in the sand, then honor it. Plan for that day in the future when it dawns on you that there HAS TO BE “....SOME FOR YOU.”
At the rate this is going, you will die before she does. I’m not joking.
Prior to getting the mini fridge downstairs we had an electrician out for other purposes. Our home was built in the 60's and things have changed. To update the outlet the fridge is plugged into downstairs (the mini fridge) he said would require rewiring the whole house for thousands of dollars. I am hyperconcerned and would be extremely stressed to leave my pup in here with a potential fire hazard. Yes, she has to stay in here when I am not home (and she can't come with me ALL the time as much as I love her to because of hot weather etc. The electricians comment about the mini fridge Downstairs was to just plug it in and get one of those adaptors at the hardware store if needed. Note I also have to be concerned about the fire risk if either elder is clueless, sleeping, unaware. ANd considering my health, we have to limit the stressors to keep my BP down. Not to mention the royal pain to have things stashed say up here in the bedroom...and the impossibility of preparing food without a nearby sink, water, space. It would be extremely frustrating...but I admit knowing my condiments were safe from contamination etc would be a pleasure. To the end of all this I have considered contacting the fire dept guys and asking if someone could come out and take a look and give me some advice/guidance or reassurance. But as it is such a horrendous mess in here right now, now is not the time. I would be dreadfully embarrassed. Not that they didn't see it when they rescued me when I was sick LOL. You may think another room up here...the bathroom! Great idea...bu the only outlet is on a wall at a distance from the space where it could possibly fit. ANd who really wants FOOD in the BATHROOM? IF it were in the guest bedroom, well the little darling would have access in there as well or we would have to put a lock on THAT door, and I can't begin to tell you how this whole lifestyle gets frustrating and tedious with locking and unlocking...There is absolutely NO WAY for a full sized fridge under any circumstances. I deeply regret our allowing our old fridge to be taken when we got the new one about a year ago before this insanity began. I wish we would have found space for it in our laundry room or garage, though it still would have been massively inconvenient. I just don't think there is an easy answer unless someone builds a fridge with a lock built in or knows of a trick to lock her out that will work. Like I know and said, it won't be forever.
It was interesting that your dad isn’t bothered by moms fridge dives. I wonder if it’s because he’s better rested mentally than you are? Since you probably do all the worrying for the family I’m thinking.
My SIL once said when her three kids were teens that she had to put a lock on her pantry. I thought that was bizarre until I saw that her pantry was full of junk food that they were all addicted to.
Sugar is a powerful pull.
My DH aunt, 94 with dementia, would throw food away very often a few years ago. It was one of her earlier signs of dementia. She would buy several boxes or packages of food, say they didn’t taste right to her, then throw them all away. She liked hanging out at the grocery. It gave her a reason to go back sooner I suppose. Or she would make a roast and decide something was wrong and throw it away.
She never goes into the fridge at all these days so hopefully this will be a passing phase for your mom.
Perhaps you could offer her a couple of snacks during the day that included some fat to be more satiating. . Like yogurt and fruit. Or peanut butter and apples, pears or celery. That just in case she is actually hungry.
For cabinets, I went to the baby section where they sell child proof locks and bought the best ones available.
All joking aside, please be sure to look out for number one. No one else will.
To that end I now have index cards with foods high in potassium and magnesium which help with BP to have on hand when doing a grocery list to be delivered or a quick pop into the store. And like a miracle, our local grocery that I favor just announced a new program focusing on food as medicine, with access to a dietician and other good info! Coincidentally, I latched on to some articles last night related to Eating Well magazine, along with recipes with foods that help with BP,...especially watermelon. Lycopene found in red and pink foods is especially beneficial....they even a few years back published a high BP diet/menu which I printed off. So I hug my little love, and am hanging tight. Trust me I do not want a repeat of what happened or to ever be a hospital patient again. Thanks for caring!
Oh my gosh, similar problem but with other family members that are caregivers. I shop every 3 weeks since the pandemic started. They eat the food like it is going out of style in a week or two and fridge and freezer are chuck full. We always had the opportunity to eat anytime but I am too tired to run to the store constantly, change clothes when I get home and because of Corvid have to be extremely careful with my 98 year old mother. I told them I am going to lock up the food. So absolutely understand your predicament. Let me know if you find a good easy lock, I totally get it. I might give it a trial run and see if things improve with the lock. My brother thinks it is crazy, well he can do the shopping, cleaning and changing and put the food away every week. He is funny he sits on the sidelines and dictates and then complains about no food to me. I hide things too, my mothers puddings, bananas, cereal and I have a little stash closet to keep my dear brother out.. My brother licks the spoon of peanut butter and puts it back in the jar to get another spoonful and so I hide that too. We each have our own bread now and told when they consume all their bread that is it until I shop. Hey these are difficult times and sometimes challenging to get certain items. I thought I was the only one doing this. I will let you know if I find a decent lock.
I suggest this based on your comments about what she has managed to do. The skinny cables could likely be cut if she gets her hand on any tools, like tin snips. Scissors and knives probably wouldn't work, but she could hurt herself instead!
I saw one interesting one, until I read the one comment - it uses a strong magnet with a cipher lock, but the comment said the nurses got around it by unplugging the unit! IF the outlet was out of reach, it could work, but it was also about $200.
There was also mention of bungee around the fridge - same deal, she could end up cutting that, HOWEVER, you could put a chain around it with a lock.
That said, you mentioned using combination locks, no keys needed, if dad can find them. If not, you could buy more, assuming it would fit on the various options out there.
This site lists a few (it includes child safety latches, so ignore those):
https://smartlocksguide.com/best-refrigerator-lock/
Interesting that the top one listed is the one I mentioned above, with the aircraft type cable. It uses a padlock, with key, but I wouldn't rule it out. Site also has a nice looking cipher one that uses batteries (posted Q on their site to determine if the batteries are not accessible when locked, so mom and pop can't take them out.) Nice feature is it automatically locks when the door closes. Not so nice is the price. Part of the reason it's so expensive is it has tracking and a lot of features you shouldn't need.
To avoid issues, I wouldn't give pops access. If the mini-fridge isn't big enough for the two of them, get a second mini-fridge - smaller, so easier to place it than another full size fridge, but should give them enough room for all the food they need (esp if some food in the main fridge is used to prepare meals for you and them.) I wouldn't trust him to lock up after he's done. If you give him access, then all this is for nothing!
Final thought: If they are not going to have access to the fridge, is there any reason they need access to the kitchen at all? It would be much easier to install a special lock (you had a deterrent, so there is a door, right?) on the door, perhaps a cipher lock, no key needed (just don't give the code to pop!) If they need utensils or paper products (napkins, plates, etc), put a cabinet in the family room. You could even put shelf items like cereal, bread, peanut butter and non-refrigerated snacks in it. Needs a microwave? Put that on top of the cabinet. It should be a lot less hassle for you to lock them out of the kitchen.
I was going to post this under the comment about the disposal, but this wouldn't require digging for it, and it does fall under locking them out of the kitchen: Bad enough that he fished the food out of the recently chemically cleaned disposal and they ate it, but I would have MUCH more concern about him reaching his hand down into the disposal! Just the thought of it makes me cringe! Locking off the kitchen would prevent several kinds of accidents while also protecting YOUR foods, fridge, freezer, AND dry goods!!! Without locking all doors up (to protect fridge and freezer), you'd need 2 lock sets, more for cabs. So while cipher locks cost more, it would be easier access and with WiFi they can be accessible with your phone or computer - YB put one on the exterior door of mom's condo and could check/lock from his home.
I do not have a smart phone and don't need or want to deal with locks on the phone in addition to everything else. This is just a damned situation. LIke the idea of the individual servings for juice etc, but then that would take up room in the mini fridge and in the big one again she would have access. In fact she has dumped so much out, that is a real possibility as well. I need to take time to see how things would work if I remove a shelf....
As far as the disposal, today when I went down she had stuffed a plastic bag into it. But not to worry. A long while back we got a heavy duty surge protector power strip and installed that with duct tape or gorilla tape on the bottom of a shelf in the cupboard where the disposal is, and plugged the disposal into it...so to use the disposal you have to not only turn the switch on the wall, but also on the surge protector which is in the off position always...so if she tries to run the disposal, nothing happens. ANd many people are unaware...there are NO sharp blades down there...the system has a name...is it extrusion...but it moves the food and sort of pulverizes it, but no blades to get cut on. WE do NOT share condiments for obvious reasons. SO we do have similar items. It would still be frustrating but getting one of those locking fridge bins might be a good solution for now, as well as succumbing to a massive clean up in my 100 square feet and getting another mini fridge just for me. Thanks for trying to help!
Does dad buy similar items for them that you have on hand? If not, I encourage you to have him buy those items. They obviously enjoy them and it would keep your food safe.
As far as laying juice down and having a leak can I recommend buying some mason jars. They seal well enough to avoid leaks and come in so many sizes that you can do serving sizes, if you wanted. 4oz to 64oz are readily available at any Tractor Supply or Walmart, even hardware stores carry them, then of course you can order them. The plastic ones are pretty handy as well but, I have never laid them down because of the round shape.
If you are planning on locking the fridge, we bought the covered wire rope, .38 cents a foot and the clamps to create circles at the ends and used a keyed padlock. It cost less then 15.00 all together and worked great. We were camp hosting and did not want to worry about our food being tampered with or stolen as the full size fridge sat outside. We were also worried about clever critters finding a way in. Use plastic hooks to have a place for the wire rope to hang when you open it, one for each end, chasing the wire rope was the most frustrating part, until we created a place to hang the ends on.
Another thought, is it possible to put the small fridge next to the big fridge? Then the habit of going to the fridge is not changing the location so dramatically, maybe on the counter next to the fridge. In my dads AL room we put his nightstand on top of his dresser and put the little fridge on top of the nightstand, this was all secured and he loved that he could see everything without having to bend over.
Best of luck finding the best solution.
I just want to thank you for caring for her. It is not easy but it is beautiful. She may not be able to thank you anymore, but she would be very grateful for your kindness.
I will remember your story and be inspired by the love and caring you are showing by keeping her home.
Good idea for the side-bys though!
I had the exact same problem. So frustrating to walk into the kitchen and see my mom drinking out of the salad dressing bottles, or sticking her finger in the peanut butter, or (ewww) sticking her tongue into the neck of the salad dressing bottle!
these are the locks i got for various cabinets and the fridge. They have worked so far, she's moderate dementia and she hasn't figured them out yet (and she has tried many many times lol). Good luck! :)
https://www.amazon.com/Cabinets-Drawers-Dishwasher-Adhesive-Drilling/dp/B072KPZMMV/ref=sr_1_8?dchild=1&keywords=cabinet+locks&qid=1612811722&s=baby-products&sr=1-8
and
https://www.amazon.com/Adoric-Sliding-Cabinet-Childproof-Bathroom/dp/B074FW21SM/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/135-4126745-4940568?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B074FW21SM&pd_rd_r=085da5fc-428a-4259-842e-9a3df165bba4&pd_rd_w=15vj2&pd_rd_wg=hrcg0&pf_rd_p=f325d01c-4658-4593-be83-3e12ca663f0e&pf_rd_r=54TX3KG8WK1Q8M6Y54GP&psc=1&refRID=54TX3KG8WK1Q8M6Y54GP
Another option might be to check commercial truckies' load ties, which are long enough to go around a fridge. I’d guess there would be some with locks, to protect the load against theft. Very tough, and not so likely to damage the fridge.
Because your Mother needs more supervision.
https://diydanielle.com/refrigerator-door-alarm/
You can then intervene and feed her, giving her the right foods.
The loud noise may have her closing the door quickly.
And, try placing a plate with an attractive meal, ready to eat, under the see-through plastic film, always available.