Hello everyone. Some of you know and have been very helpful that my aunt that has been staying with me is moving into Memory Care on Thursday. I’m looking for some tips on moving day. We haven’t really dropped any hints about the situation because I am not sure she will remember from a couple hours till the next. She is an interesting place cognitively because there are somethings, she is very clear about and things she is not clear about at all. She isn’t one to be “tricked” and she is paranoid. I want to flat out say “Aunt, this place is going to give you back some of your independence and is going to be very nice for you to have friends and a life of your own. I’m going to visit you often and I’m right here if you need anything.” I am not sure what I will do if there are tears or kickback. I’m going to try to hold strong but it’s going to be very hard for me and emotional. The right decision isn’t always the easiest decision. There is a part of me that feels like it is going to be harder for me than for her and I don’t want to project that onto her whatsoever. I was just curious how it went for some other people or if you have any pointers. Thank you in advance.
if she’s sharing a room, I’d wait to do toiletries, magazines, remote controls, any smallish items till Auntie is there.
Please please pls ask asap Nursing staff as how her medications need to get transferred. She may need a fresh RX all done on day 1. If her drug copay is strict, she will not be able to get a refill ahead of its scheduled time. So it’s private pay to get fresh RX meds till then, so take her / your checkbook. If she can possibly bring her existing meds, try to do this as way simpler.
Ask the MC when they want her moving in. For my mom when she moved from NH #1 to NH#2, to plan was to move her to new place by 10/10:30AM. So she gets there b4 lunch. Hopefully SW or activities gal comes to escort her to lunch. Some places have a resident or two that r the welcome wagon to do first few meal runs and accompany her to activities. Ask.
The MC may ask you to wait a week or so before you come back to visit. If they ask this of you all, stay away. It will help her settle in. Try to befriend other families there as it will pay off and take the occasional snack for staff….. I did mini apples or mandarins and when it was really hot those kids birthday party sleeves of sherbet. Really low key bribery…. ok low key thoughtfulness will work in Aunties favor.
if she doesn’t seem to be settling after 3 weeks or so, try to have a 1-on-1 with activities. Tell them what she’s like and you find what’s on the schedule and you do your best to help in the set up as well as be there for those activities. This way you can see if in fact she’s keeping busy and socializing or just gaslighting you. Elders can be quite clever even with dementia….. Best of luck on Thursday & sending you a virtual cool adult beverage!
No, we didn't give her a heads up, we picked her up and at that point told her, she had no reaction, no tears no nothing.
We got there and the home was serving milkshakes, oh she loved that for a minute, then she forgot!
We stayed away for 3 weeks, she has settled in. Of course, they all want to go home, hate the food and have other complaints. I swear these places give the residents a complaint cheat sheet, they all say the same things over & over again and will pull out all stops to manipulate a LO.
My step-mother has been in 3 places, all the same complaints, it is like a hobby to these people.
If anyone is a help to your Aunt, send an email to the ED, praising that person. At my mother’s MC, these letters get posted next to the time clock.
I try to bring in treats for the staff once a month. I always include a thank you card, and reference my mother by name. It helps smooth things out, cause my mother is quite cranky! 🤪
Get some vallium….for yourself.