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My husband is giving a 26-yr-old single mom lots of money every week, which is a former so-called friend of my daughter, who is the same age. My husband is 72 years old and has a stoma.
Larger question is, in 36 years did you every have anything to say about it, and this is one of the rare instances of loaning or giving that you disagree with?? See an attorney about your options. We cannot know or say what agreements or disagreements you have with your husband, but his giving money away should he himself require aid in future does put in jeopardy your savings. This could be especially problematic were either of you in the next five years to need the assistance of anything like medicaid. An attorney can advise you as to whether or not you should consider financial separation or a legal separation in which you divide your assets so that he can do what he pleases with his half of your savings, and you can save yours. You have no control over others. Protect yourself. See an attorney as soon as you can. Meanwhile, before your hubby gets wind of any of that you should consider opening an account for yourself by removing funds from any joint account you hold; don't take more than half of said accounts. Put your hubby on account ONLY as POD (pay on death.)
You have a say to what happens to 50% of all the money and assets because you are a legal spouse. You say this 26 year-old is a "former" friend of your daughter. Is there a reason for why she's a former friend? Have a talk with your daughter. Then you and your daughter go and have a word with this former friend. You tell her in no uncertain terms that no cares about her poor single mother sad story and that she isn't getting another penny from your husband. Then you have a heart-to-heart with your old man. Ask him if he's ever heard the phrase "taken to the cleaners" used in reference to a divorcing couple. Also tell him that if he wants to stay away from the cleaners the poor, 26 year-old single mother will not be getting one more cent ever again. I'm pretty sure the payments will cease.
I don't know what a stoma has to do with the question. Maybe you fear he will need nursing home care?
The money he is giving away will jeopardize the ability to pay for needed care by either of you in the future.
I agree, take half of all accounts and open separate accounts for yourself. Make sure you select a POA that will manage the funds for you and not be swayed by your hubs.
Of course you have a right to say how your guys money is spent.
Forget half, move it all and make him get an attorney involved, if he has the mental wherewithal. If he calls the police, have the records available to show that he is being financially exploited by this brasen hussy.
Sorry but your husband is a stupid old man. And I disagree with the other posters he has no right to spend 50% of the money this way. When you are married its not a 50/50 split. Tell him that he stops giving money to this 26 year old scam artist or you are done with him for good. This probably won't be the last time he does something like this so you need to pay close attention to your bank accounts from here on out. If it continues I would open a separate account in a different bank from your other accounts and start moving money into it that he can't touch. Otherwise you are going to find your bank accounts cleaned out by him.
Does your husband also have dementia in addition to his other health issues? Why in God's name is he giving 'lots of money every week' to a 26 y/o former friend of your daughter??? Why is she a 'former' friend, also? Any light your DD can shed on that situation may be helpful in figuring out why she'd be ASKING a 72 y/o man for money in the first place. There are lots of single mom's out there who aren't asking anyone for money and working their butts off to support themselves and their child!
Yes, you are entitled to say how and where your combined wealth is spent, and it should not be on a 26 y/o single mom WITHOUT your express approval! Ask DH how he would like it if you got a wild hair up your butt and decided to start sending some 26 y/o guy lots of money every week? I seriously doubt he'd be all for it, and if he was, I'd have his cognition checked by an M.D.
Go see a Certified Elder Care attorney for advice & guidance moving forward. BEFORE all your hard earned money is sucked dry by a female con artist who has DH wrapped around her finger.
People don't just hand out money for free. This poor, young single mother is probably earning that money somehow and I'm sure everyone here knows what I mean. The OP would probably do well to talk to a divorce lawyer.
Husband has no right to give away $$$ to scammers & fraudsters. & if he needs Medicaid, these would be considered gifts & a penalty period would result. You need 2 separate attorneys..elder law & maybe divorce? Prepare yourself to get financially secure. Your $$$ rights to half of everything will be told to husband by attorney. Hugs 🤗
No. That sound like someone who has found the money train and has gotten on it and will take it as far as it goes. I don't know what the problems are with the young girl but sometimes as we age, it is hard to know what is a scam and what is legit. That kind of giving away money on a regular basis needs boundries such as how long for this to go on, how much, etc. And he shouldn't be doing this without having discussed it with you first with this young lady present so you can ask questions of your own. At our age, it is easy to be a target. Get information, put everything in writing and signed, like a contract, how much, how long, whether it will be paid back and look into whether this person might be doing the same with others . It is nice to be generous, but only if you have enough money to live comfortably the rest of YOUR lives. Talk to a lawyer, get other people involved.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
See an attorney about your options.
We cannot know or say what agreements or disagreements you have with your husband, but his giving money away should he himself require aid in future does put in jeopardy your savings. This could be especially problematic were either of you in the next five years to need the assistance of anything like medicaid.
An attorney can advise you as to whether or not you should consider financial separation or a legal separation in which you divide your assets so that he can do what he pleases with his half of your savings, and you can save yours.
You have no control over others.
Protect yourself. See an attorney as soon as you can.
Meanwhile, before your hubby gets wind of any of that you should consider opening an account for yourself by removing funds from any joint account you hold; don't take more than half of said accounts. Put your hubby on account ONLY as POD (pay on death.)
Do you think he is being scammed?
You say this 26 year-old is a "former" friend of your daughter. Is there a reason for why she's a former friend? Have a talk with your daughter.
Then you and your daughter go and have a word with this former friend. You tell her in no uncertain terms that no cares about her poor single mother sad story and that she isn't getting another penny from your husband.
Then you have a heart-to-heart with your old man. Ask him if he's ever heard the phrase "taken to the cleaners" used in reference to a divorcing couple. Also tell him that if he wants to stay away from the cleaners the poor, 26 year-old single mother will not be getting one more cent ever again.
I'm pretty sure the payments will cease.
The money he is giving away will jeopardize the ability to pay for needed care by either of you in the future.
I agree, take half of all accounts and open separate accounts for yourself. Make sure you select a POA that will manage the funds for you and not be swayed by your hubs.
Forget half, move it all and make him get an attorney involved, if he has the mental wherewithal. If he calls the police, have the records available to show that he is being financially exploited by this brasen hussy.
Yes, you are entitled to say how and where your combined wealth is spent, and it should not be on a 26 y/o single mom WITHOUT your express approval! Ask DH how he would like it if you got a wild hair up your butt and decided to start sending some 26 y/o guy lots of money every week? I seriously doubt he'd be all for it, and if he was, I'd have his cognition checked by an M.D.
Go see a Certified Elder Care attorney for advice & guidance moving forward. BEFORE all your hard earned money is sucked dry by a female con artist who has DH wrapped around her finger.
Good luck!
The OP would probably do well to talk to a divorce lawyer.