My mother has early stage dementia and my sister lives with her and she is a hoarder. There are plastice bags and clutter everywhere. The house is filthy. There is no food, no clean clothes, and my mother is alone 12 hours a day while my sister is at work. My sister is using my mother's money to pay bills and then keeping what is left over. My sister refuses to pay for things my mother needs. APS told my sister my mother needs socialization and the health department says there are no blocked exits and working smoke detector so they closed the case. I do not have the money to seek guardianship. I am taking my mother to see a gerontologist and I will report what is going on. I am hoping the doctor will report this situation to APS again and maybe they will do something. Is there anything else I can do? Has anyone else had this situation?
Public services are reluctant (for good reason) to intercede when households are messy, cluttered and even dirty. Lifestyle choices that aren't dangerous fall into the "none of the government's business" category. Their role is to ascertain safety rather than judging housekeeping skills.
This is not to minimize your distress at your mother's circumstances, but rather to point out that you may not have sufficient grounds to intervene. Jwinters59 makes a good point about consulting an attorney before further inserting yourself into the mix.
It sounds as if there is already difficulty in your relationship with your sister. Adding APS and the Department of Health to the mix will likely further polarize the two of you, probably causing your mother to choose between you. This could get very ugly in a hurry.
My advice: find a way to work WITH your sister rather than against her.
Your profile says: I am caring for my mother, living at home
Is your mother in her own house or your house?
How does your sister sister access your mother's money? Is it deposited to a bank account? Are you on the account?
As DPOA you could write checks on mother's account, sign them as DPOA and put the money in safe place
Talk to an elder affairs attorney before doing anything. No way would I become a guardian or become her payee.
You will need for a doctor to validate that your mom is capable of being able to sign a DPOA. If you don't, your sister could report that mom has dementia and this will turn into a larger mess for you and your family. Seek the advice of an elder law attorney.
If you can, work to find a bridge with your sister. If you can, would she let you get mom to local senior centers for socialization? If you are members of a church, the pastor might be able to help arbitrate. There are also professional arbitrators that may be able to help you and your sister find common ground. She may think she's entitled to compensation because she is caring for your mom. As one of four siblings, we had many disagreements about care, but always worked to find a common ground.
This is tough, but I do think you should look beyond APS to find a solution. Best of luck.
Because my Dad is mentally ill, my parents are only living on social security, I contact the Department of Heath and Human Services to see if my Dad would qualify for "services" whether that be in home care and in the future an adult living situation. My Mom was his caregiver for years but she herself now has some bit issues.
It has taken about six months now, and still not everything is set, but we are on our way. Once I filed a grievance about my Dad's situation (so hard to do because I thought my Mom would get in trouble) a social worker came out to evaluate the situation. I made sure NOT to do anything at their house so the social worker could see just how they lived.
The social worker was very clear that my Dad did need help and it looked like my Mom could not really do it anymore. He qualifies for 31 hours per month of in home assistance which we will be using for house cleaning, laundry, and maybe food prep. Too we can use part of those hours for adult day care if I can get him comfortable with that.
My Mom throughout all of this had a heart attack and has her own problems. She is still resistant to the whole thing. I have had to become the bad guy sometimes and remind them a thousand times it is for their safety.
APS was called on my Dad during this processes because he was falling and in the hospital. Because I had started the other route the APS worker did come out and interview my Dad, acknowledge the issues, and put the case on hold to watch what the other social worker was doing. At least in the State of Washington if the issue is not resolved then they come out multiple times and do something at some point, but it does take forever.
Good luck and know that we are thinking about you and know how tough this is.
APS dropped the case when she once again refused their help. Even though your mother may be in early stages of dementia, she may come off in a short visit with a social worker as having enough capacity to declare what she wants. If your mother told them she doesn't want to leave, they will consider it a case of her not be willing to help herself. They take the victims choice into consideration. They will not force her against her will out of her home unless she is at immediate risk of danger and it has to be almost a life and death danger. You can call the city's code enforcement to deal with the hoarding issue, but again it will be slow or maybe not at all. It took two years to get my mom out of the home and into a senior independent low rent apartment. It took a lot of visits and a tremendous amount of patience and persistence. I had to show my mother that she could depend on me to help her out and that she had choices that could make her happier. It's not easy at all, but getting her out was the best I could fo for her.
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