About being paid to take my Father (dementia) into my home and care for him for the rest of his life. Advice?

You need to read his insurance policy, the whole thing. The answer is there.

For example, Genworth has policies with "informal care" options, so does the Federal Long Term Care Insurance program (FLTCIP). Other policies do not. You really need to know the policy he has.

There are isolated state or local programs or grants that will pay a family member to care for a loved one, but these are few and far between and have to be investigated individually. There is no central agency that provides this type of funding, which is why you haven't been getting any info about that.

Pam is right - if anyone is likely to pay you, it is your father's long term care insurance, or rather, your father, using funds provided by his insurer. Some policies allow the insured person to live at home and hire their own help using the money from the insurance. Not all do, however. The other thing to be mindful of is that these policies generally are effective for only a limited time period - say, two to five years depending on the terms of the policy. If you are planning to make a long term investment like a home, make sure you know how long the payment period is under his policy and how much of that period he has already used up. Given his short life expectancy, it might make more sense for you to move with him into a handicapped-accessible senior apartment.

Good luck!

Call the insurance company, tell them you would like to bring him into your home to care for him. Ask if they will pay you to do so. My bet is that his policy excludes paying family.

One person cannot care 24/7 for anyone. You are too optimistic about your abilities. Buy your home...keep your job... investigate other places for dad and visit him often.

Sessa, I think it is great that you want to take care of your Dad in your own home. And that you realize you would need walk-in shower, ramps, wider door frames, etc. So many go blinded into this responsibility.

As for quitting one's job here are some things to think about if one is trying to decide whether to quit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose over the years between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary... it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance coverage.... loss of money being put into social security/Medicare..... loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k).... profit sharing.... workman's comp insurance.... company sponsored life insurance.... vacation pay, sick pay.... tuition assistance, etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]

And as Maggie had mentioned above, would you be able to take care of your Dad 168 hours a week with no days off? And as we age ourselves, we run into our own age decline problems that can show up over night. Example, I had a major fall and six months later I am still doing rehab and can't pick up anything heavier than a phone book... thank goodness I was not responsible for doing hands-on care for my aging parents.

Thank you one and all for your responses. I personally took care of my mother around the clock, for nine and a half years straight so yes, it can be done and was. I did not get any compensation for any of it, thus it was 100% at my own expense other than her insurance covering her room and board (only) at assisted living (where I shared her room). 24 hour care for a completely paralyzed person that was unable to speak was mandatory and I stepped up to the plate to do it. I did hire someone to come stay with her for 3 hours on Friday mornings so I could run errands. I do know what I am up against (20 years as a CNA that worked in a dementia unit for much of it and for Hospice and private duty for the rest of that time). I am VERY experienced and yes, do know what I am up against. I have never recovered financially from caring for my Mom. I went through my entire life savings, retirement, investments, had no salary, had to pay to keep my things in storage. I did get a tiny portion of life insurance that only covered my moving expenses.The basis of my question was to see if there was a different way to handle things so my Dad had optimum care and I didn't have to face being broke and homeless in the end. I took a terrible spill down a flight of stairs right after my Mom passed... fractured my pelvis, both hips, arm and 5 ribs. No insurance, no money, no advantages with being out of work... just debt for life, in which I suffered through and had my pity party letting nature run it's course. Thankfully, the bones were not broken into separate pieces or I would have had a lot of surgery. It did take me 8 months to be able to walk up stairs and lay down horizontally. My body still aches but injuries can happen anywhere and at any time to anyone. Yes, it took it's toll but I can't say I have any regrets. My parents were very loving and I feel strongly that they needed to have the utmost care. In CT, you had to be in a facility or your insurance was voided, thus the reason I had to endure sharing a room at assisted living vs. in her 5 bedroom house that sat vacant for 9.5 years, overlooking a lake, lovely in every way, literally one block away. The taxes on her house during that time were $85,000.00 and as with anything that sits without attention that long, we basically gave it away. I inherited just enough to relocate to NC and start my life over from scratch in my 50's... not fun!!! Because my Dad is in good health other than his dementia, is very sweet and easy going, I doubt he will become aggressive and nasty like so many do. He has asked me for years if I could find a house for both of us. It would have been nice to be paid by the insurance company since they pay through the nose for the dementia unit he is now in. I do know that when I was a private aide, the price agencies charged was $27.00 an hour and the aide got approximately $9.00 of that. Aside from wanting my Dad to get excellent care and a lifestyle he is not getting in the tiny room (where he is beyond miserable), it would make sense for the insurance company to pay me a bit less than they are paying out now, to get an overall best outcome under the circumstances. My Dad would be happy to be contributing to long awaited home ownership. I thought I could take on-line classes in the evening when he goes to bed since I am a night owl. This way, when he would pass, I would be prepared to face the work force again. Anyway, my current job pays very little and the benefits come out of my pocket, not theirs. The workman's comp. is a game no employee wins and there is nothing leftover for 401Ks and the like. They don't pay tuition reimbursement because they feel strongly that the employee will leave them. I get 5 days off per year and it has to be when they tell us we can. It is straight commission. I don't make enough to visit my Dad (I'm in NC, he is in CT) except once a year... two separate days to fly two planes each way. That leaves me 3 days with him, zero relaxation, driving a rental car. It is not a well earned vacation. Having him live with me would enable me to drive my own car, provide a comfortable place to call home, do activities with him daily and get out of the rat race of work I do now. It certainly would not be easy... and that gets more difficult with the disease progression to being bed ridden. It may not be in the cards but it is worth looking into, thus my original question. Anyway freqflyer, I hope you are feeling better each day. Thanks again everyone (sorry for the long book).

You've already gotten great advice, but I hope you have a back-up plan anyway. Who cares for dad if you are sick or can't give him that utmost care your loving heart desires to provide? Is there anyone who will know what to do? He could live longer than the 3 years predicted. You are no doubt a strong, resilient person to have endured all you have already, but we are mortal and can fall ill or have some other life circumstance that changes things quickly.

I got that reminder these past two weeks. I'm a person who rarely gets ill and found myself sicker than I had been for many years. If I didn't have in home care for my parents and my hub to help I would have been done for. Just please be careful. If something happens to you and there is no one else to step up and intervene, this may have been all in vain. I do hope it all works out.

His life expectancy is 3 yrs, you mortgage is 15 to 30 years, unless you can pay off with insurance from mom.
How much the insurance pays you (if at all) for taking care of him is a very small part of what type of house you can afford.
You are in your 50s, you need a house whose payments you can still afford once you retire at age 65 or 70.
My point is make sure you do not buy more house than you will be able to afford.
Even if the space is a bit tight for the years dad is still around.

Read the policy and investigate it
Policies differ, some cover NH, but no at home aid (regardless of who provides)
Do not get your hopes up to think the insurance company will pay you the equivalent or just a bit less than they pay an agency or a NH.....the best you can hope for is market value for a CNA, for a few hours a week. It is unlikely to be a comfortable income.

You have dedicated a lot of your life to your parents - if this fulfills you AMEN.
But if you feel like you need to spend more time on yourself, check in on dad often and spend more time on yourself.

You sound like a kind hearted person - wish you well.

Sessa9669, before you do anything, as other writers above had mentioned, check with the long-term-care insurance as they might not want to pay $6k a month to you.... that $6k works because a nursing facility buys things in huge bulk, such as bedding, Depends, food, medicine, etc.

IF (and this is a huge if) the insurance will pay you a substantial amount, I say "Go for it!" You know what you are facing. Obstacles will come up, and you will handle them as they do. You're sick? You bring in an agency for that time. The mortgage payments are too high in the future? Sell the house and downsize.

Bringing a parent into one's home is not a good solution for everyone. Sounds like if there is a case where it could work, it would be this one.

First you have to know what insurance will cover. Start there.

And please let us know how this unfolds for you.