He is now hallucinating. He claims to see his mother and father who passed on and that my grandmother tells him to come to them. My dad believes he will be leaving us and it is so difficult being that he lives in Peru most of the year. I guess I am voicing out and the reality is I am afraid. The idea of my dad dying horrifies me especially not ever dealing with death personally. I hate this disease and what has done to my dad and to our family. My dad means everything to me and I feel gulity becasue at times perhaps I wasnt as understanding as I could have been. At the end none of this is his fault.
I send my heartfelt thoughts and prayers to you today. My mother has Parkinson's and it is painful to watch her try to control it as she eats or walks, etc.
I can see why you are anxious...your father is relatively young and you have never had to deal with a death in your family. As much as we are told that, "death is a part of life," it does not make it any easier when it is a loved one who is at this stage in his or her life.
My only advice is to live in the moment. Everyone has regrets about relationships - things we should have done or could have done better. Your relationships do not change when someone is afflicted with an illness...in fact, sometimes they are intensified.
But all you have is today. Call him a lot. Visit as often as you can. I buy my mother gifts that help make her life easier with the Parkinsons. When she lived in another state, I sent her funny cards or little gifts. I do not think anyone realizes how a kind word, photos, or a gift can brighten someone's day.
Take care
Lilli