Medicaid (Check), Nursing Home (Check), Compassion Fatigue (gone)
What I thought will never happen any time soon did! After about 6 months and one denial of application, my mother's Medicaid was approved. Then one week after approval, a spot opened at a near Long Term Care Facility. One week later, she was moving in to her new living arrangement.
And just like that, I felt the weight lifted of all the resentment, the arguments, the stress, and I was able to see my mother again for just that...my mother.
I will always be her advocate where she is now, we check up on her more than once a week. She is certainly adjusting, but doing far better than we thought. Now she gets Physical Therapies, which we hope it will help with her condition. Even though her condition will not improve, at least it keeps her moving until she can't anymore. She has Spinocerebellar Ataxia (SCA), type unknown, but not hereditary.
For those of your out there who may be feeling lost, don't stop until you've done all you can. Yes, Medicaid (for those who can qualify) takes time, that's why you need to plan as ahead as you can. Keep all finances clear. If you have siblings, cut the financial cord if any of them have one.
She is safe where she is at, she is cared for...we are still doing some tweaks and learning of how things work at the facility...but she is eating and is comfortable.
Now we can go back to being mother and daughter.
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Oh why can't all seniors be like that. My Dad was ready to pack and move after my Mom had passed, even though he had around the clock caregivers he was tired of trying to maintain a house. It was a relief for him to move, and how he loved his new apartment :)
On the other hand, my Mom was the opposite, move from the house? Hope, never, nada. Both were in their mid to late 90's, both were fall risks, and that house had stairs. Bring in caregivers to help while Mom was alive, not in your life. She became a hornet when Dad and I tried.... [sigh].
Life lesson, not to do what my Mom did, but to follow my Dad's lead.
TG my daughter works in rehabs. I told her they kept forgetting Moms bra. She asked me where were they, I said in the drawer with her socks. That was the problem. They don't see the bras until they put the socks on. They work from the top down. I always put Moms clothes in sets. So I then started adding the bra. No problem after that.
Never accuse. Ask, how something is done. You want the staff as friends not enemies.
I am hoping I can write a similar ending to my story too. I had to look up 'compassion fatigue'. Check.
Thankyou for highlighting this - you have helped me today :)
A couple of questions. Did you use an attorney to help you apply for Medicaid? Also, once qualified, is there a time limit as to when your mother has to move into the NH or lose Medicaid?
My mom was paying privately for in-home care (just 2 hrs a day on weekdays-that's all she could afford), so we applied for Medicaid to help with in-home care. Since the NH waitlists were long, we figured we used Medicaid for in-home care while we waited. It turned out one of the NH that did not want to place her on the waitlist until Medicaid was approved was the one who had the opening. We still have her on the other waitlist (because it is a nicer facility), but in the meantime she is getting used to living in a NH.
I don't know about the time limit, since we were going to be using their services as soon as approved. We were able to add a few extra shifts at night while we phased out of private care agency. But before the 2-week notice was up with private agency, the NH called. And it was a smooth transition from in-home care to NH.
The one piece of advice I did get before I started the Medicaid process was to apply, no matter if you are ready or not. That way you get to go through the process and see what they require, what you need to work on, what benefits can you use. Even if they decline the first time around, you can always re-apply. We had to do that, and I wish I had started earlier! I kept waiting to have everything in place and I still needed to gather a few more documents in the process. I would say it took about 6 months from the moment I first applied to her being placed in a NH.
Big hugs, and you got this!
She is happier now, not depressed (as I know she was and did not admit to it!), and seems to at least join in some activities.
I'm happy my post has given some a bit of hope that things can get better - for loved one and caregivers!
Hugs to all!
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/applying-for-medicaid-ahead-of-time-448290.htm
Thank you for sharing this.
Now we can go back to being mother and daughter."
Now, I am able to work on my health, do better on my job and just live my life a little better without being stressed all the time. I did start therapy and plan on staying in therapy because of my mother's dementia, I want to be prepared when she reaches stages and handle them with love and care.
May you continue to have wonderful moments with your mother!