I lost Mom 2 months ago and feel so lost.

Mom lived with me for about 4 years. At times I would get so angry because my family would not help me at all. We had so many fights over them throwing everything on me. Now she is gone and I miss her so much! I feel guilty about the fighting. I would do it all over again but this time not say a word because now I know I no longer have her. People told me to cherish each minute that I had with Mom because this day would come. I did but at times I would still become so angry. Its so hard to watch your Mother go through Alzheimer's. I eventually had to put Mom in a Home because she had no control and was incontinent. She started to fall and after a few bad falls the Doctor told me that I was doing her more harm than good trying to keep her at home with a caregiver. Even though I would get angry at times I did not want to put her in the home and I felt so guilty leaving her there. It seemed to be a beautiful place until I caught the Doctor over medicating her. I never dreamed that this would happen. I had to rush her to the ER one day and when she returned to the home she started to decline rapidly. I had no idea what was going on, My Mom went from walking good and talking to almost a vegetable in a few short weeks. It was only after the medicine bill came in that I found out that they had added 21 new medications without telling me. When I found out I immediately went there and told them to stop. I tried to talk to the doctor but she became very rude. She said that they had taken her off but I don't believe that they did. After discovering this and getting the attitude that I did from the Doctor and director I moved my Mother to a new place. She actually became extremely ill for days, I have to believe it was withdrawal. I have been told that once this happens a person usually does not recover. Mom seemed to be pulling out of it, they even got her to walk a little but that did not last, she went down hill after that. could not walk or barley put a sentence together. I here this is quite common in a nursing home with medications. I feel like the doctor was playing God!!! No one has the right to do something like this. I am having a very hard time dealing with this. I in some ways feel that I should have done better. Although my eyes tear up often I for some reason have not broke down. This is a terrible feeling and I feel like I'm loosing my mind half the time. At times I wake up in the morning and expect Mom to come walking down the hall and its such an empty feeling. I was very close to my Mom and Dad and thinking that they are both gone scares me and makes me so sad. I know with time things will get better but at times I just want to start screaming. To everyone that is going through this, I know its hard and sometimes unbearable but the day will come that you loose them and its so true cherish every minute that you have with them. Its just terrible to see a parent or spouse go through this and anyone that has to deal with it my heart goes out to you. Its also so unfair when you have family that does not take responsibility and leave it all on one person. You can only do so much. I know my Mom was happy living with us I just hate that I felt the way that I did sometimes and feel so guilty. I just hope that she does know I tried my best and love and miss her dearly. To who ever is reading this, I guess I really don't have a question, I just need to talk and I really don't have anyone to talk to that understands, but I know all of you do. I'm not a person to go seek help I was always taught to hold thing in and deal with it but in this case I just feel so lost and lonely. Thanks for listening. I do pray for everyone on this site. Please know through my fight with Alzheimers with my Mother all of you helped me so much being able to talk and ask questions, sometime scream and yell. I did not have the back up from my family but I had back up from all of you. I will continue to read the Forum in hopes that I can help someone else through there bad time. Love to all of you!!!