I'll try to make this short. Took mom to the ER on Tuesday. She was in a great deal of abdominal pain. She was admitted and several issues were found. The one of greatest concern was the reoccurrence of diverticulitis. She had surgery for it many years ago, and it's back. She is in an excellent health care facility and is receiving top notch care, although she says she is being treated terribly.
Today she took a mental turn for the worse. Screamed and cried for over six hours that she wanted to go HOME NOW!!! She cannot be released until her follow-up CT is read. She was screaming at me, the nurses, the doctor, everyone. Called me every vile name in the book. Said I tricked her into going to the hospital. It was all a scam and she was being kept prisoner. Then she thought she was in church. Then at school. I trick her, lie to her, steal from her. Then my brother called and she was sweet as pie.
I fear that her scans will show that she is not ready for release and I will have to go through this again every day until she's released. I have my own chronic health conditions and run out of steam by about 4PM.
She was finally given Atavan and that finally knocked her out so I could go home. I am not going back until I get the call she is being discharged. Amid all this she thinks I am driving 150 miles round trip every day to take care of her cats. I am not, but they are being cared for and they are fine. They're cats.
We are going to have to get some home care, which she will fight every step of the way. I cannot and will not move in with her.
Can you call the nurse station and check on her? Or the nurse/doctor can call you if needed? Or if you do show up, can you stay just long enough to check on her status and if anything is needed from you, then leave?
If you don't need to be there physically and be subjected to her vile tantrum, then don't.
Also, I agree. DO NOT move in with her, or her with you.
I went to work the next day and got a call from the nurse on the unit mid-morning. The woman said, "Good morning, Barb; your mom would like to speak to you". My mother got on the phone and whispered to me. "You need to come get me. This is all a scam. I'm being held prisoner".........What ensued can only be described as desperately sad and hilarious all at the same time. My mother was convinced that she was being held prisoner in a parking garage mocked up to look like a hospital. (In case this sounds familiar to anyone, it is a replay of a Monk episode. None of us figured that out at the time). By the time I got to the hospital, my mother was trying to escape, had ripped the turban and some of the electrodes off, was screaming at the young male nursing assistant who been assigned to sit outside her room ("he's INTIMIDATING ME") mom was screaming...the guy was near tears.
To make a long story short, mom had what is sometimes termed hospital psychosis. Happens to folks of all ages, but very common in elders. We got a psych consult; was told mom would probably come back to baseline once released but that she was certainly past the point of being able to live alone, based on the doc's brief assessment of her reasoning ability. He gave us some great advice about what level of support she needed. The AL where she was would have been great for someone with greater medical needs; what my mother needed at that point was better support for socialization and help with her lifelong anxiety, neither of which we were taking into account.
My advice to you would be to ask the hospital to have one of their psychiatrists visit your mom. It helped that we were there to confirm mom's answers to the doctor's questions (listening to mom's political views, the doc looked at us and said "new or always?"--my brother's reply was "oh, that's mom-slightly to the right of Atilla the Hun").
Your mom likely needs a higher level of care--either a supportive facility or some level of home care. But get a professional assessment of her needs after this acute episode resolves and make sure that you take into account her physical AND psychological needs.
Also, make sure the hospital checks for a UTI. They can cause these kinds of symptoms in elders.
Moving in with your mom would probably be a dreadful idea. It would have been a disaster for me and mom. Frankly, even having lovely aides was not what mom needed; they made mom MORE anxious. What mom needed was a place where folks were around if she needed them and she had her privacy when she needed THAT.
Sunday she was cognizant and verbal. Once she got home she improved greatly within less than 24 hours. Being in her home of 45 years, with her cats made her happier and more "with it" than I'd seen in years. It was like the clock turned back five years.
Thanks for your support. Things are looking up!