Emailing advanced medical directive to kids.
My son and I talked about advanced medical directives the other day on the phone and he brought up a point that I want to share.
When his father was in the hospital from his horrific fall, the doctor told him that they may have to operate and my son had no idea if that was what his dad wanted or if they would be able to do so safely as his dad is allergic to some meds and my son didn't know what those meds were. He said he felt lost. Unbeknownst to my son, I had told the flight crew what he was allergic to and gave them a list of his meds.
Son has suggested and I will implement sending him and his sibs an email with dads and my advanced medical directives so if any of the kids are in the position of having to make a decision on our care, they can pull up an email that has the relevant information.
He also said that the medical directive should cover things such as feeding tubes and percentages of changes a person will live a normal life afterwards. He daily sees family members who don't have any idea what their loved one wants, trying to make a decision for them.
My son says he is able to open an email on his smart phone in a hospital where making a call inside a hospital is often impossible.
I'm going to play around with an idea of putting all the info on my phone where it can be accessed should the medical people need it and there is no family around. I already carry my husbands POA in my purse and I'll probably stick a copy of the advanced medical directives in there too.
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I had a paper with all Moms doctors and medications. Also, her likes and dislikes and food she should not eat.
I also had a section with info on their medical insurance with policy numbers.
Sections also addressed allergies, medical or nonmedical, conditions (i.e.,CHF), then the history and more detail on when the medical conditions had been treated in hospitals, and which hospitals. Those sections included hospital intake and discharge, conditions on entry and exit, brief descriptions of treatment and meds scripted for the conditions.
Surgeries, purpose, performing doctor and which hospital were also included.
The last page was a list of all treating doctors, with addresses, phone, e-mail contact for the firm, and sometimes treating duration.
A separate section included conformed copies of their Living Wills and DPOAs.
This binder always went with us, whether to dinner, visits, or medical treatments. Even though I don't and won't have a smartphone, I wouldn't be comfortable having such personal information on any kind of tech device. When we were in intake, or the ER, the package was given to one of the nurses for copying, which was quick and provided rapid information.
If you or your son can secure the information, or password protect it so that only a family member can open it, it would be a lot safer.
Your son is very intuitive, and on the right track.
Yes it is personal but so is dying if there was something they could have done and didn't because they didn't know you wanted that done or living on machines when you had wanted to die in that situation.
My son was in the dark as to what his father would have wanted. He couldn't get hold of me during his talk with the doctor as there was no cell reception. His dad was two feet in the grave and slipping. DH must have had an angel looking over him as he remarkedly got better and they didn't have to operate and my son was released from the burden of making a decision that could have been totally against my DH wishes.
What could be the downside?
I live far from all my family and it's more likely that a paramedic or other medical staff would access it. They look at the emergency contacts on a phone and if those contact people have a copy of the directive, all's well.
I know the cops thoroughly go through your purse if you are in a car accident and are going to be hauled away in an ambulance. I had $300 dollars cash and the cop commented to me as I was being taken out of the car that I was carrying a lot of money and how much. If I had a directive in my purse it would have been found and the ambulance crew would know what to do with me if I were unconscious.
When my FIL died, it was like watching 3 hamsters running in a cage--seeing my DH and his brother and sister trying to make decisions. What should have taken them an hour to do, took a whole day.
After watching them flail around in grief and lack of KNOWING, I stepped in and made some comments and offered my help, fully expecting they would give me the brush off. But dad and I HAD discussed what he wanted and I was able to help, even as an in-law.
I would not put all this VERY private and personal information on a phone. The computer, in a secure file, yes. And I would probably give my kids a 'hard copy' of my decisions and choices, not email. But that's just me.
My DH refuses to make any arrangements, so I have done all that I can to pre-plan for him and have written my own obit, and given instructions as to what I want, EOL care-wise and after I die. My kids are not very 'close' to me--but they will do what I ask. I went through cancer and so your mortality becomes VERY real when you don't know if you're going to make it.
You can carry a copy of your LO's DNR, POA, etc on you if you want. Usually, when a crisis strikes, you have a minute or so to get your act together. Just give everyone the same info and you are all on the same page. I have seen some pretty awful family fights over one person demanding everything for their dying loved one--when the LO's wants were to be left with comfort care only.
Yes--you can access your email from your phone. I personally don't like to communicate with sensitive information through email. Once it's out there---you can never get it back.