My mother is one of the most miserable humans on Earth, and has been for years. Whenever anyone has asked her "How are you doing?", for as far back in my memory as I can reach, I can never remember her saying "I'm fine". Now she's smoked herself to death. She has COPD, CHF, steroid-induced diabetes, a colostomy, osteoporosis, bone spurs in her neck, neuropathy in her limbs, brittle skin that tears at the drop of a hat...the list seems endless. She refuses to get out of bed to try to exercise to keep up any strength, and wants me to do more and more and more for her.
She's in the hospital right now because of a fall last week. She says her knees gave out.
I don't think it's so horrible that I just want this woman to finally have some peace, and yes, honestly, for the rest of us around her to have some as well. The discord and disharmony this narcissist spreads with her always ALWAYS negative attitude takes a toll. She will never change, and her health will only continue to go downhill.
I realize that I don't get to make the decision of when she goes, but I will admit that I do want her to. I think it's the only way she'll finally be "fine".
Your MIL is so fortunate to be in your care. She is blessed to have someone like you who really tries to understand where she is coming from and what you can do to make her feel safe. It will be a long road for you and we will all be here to support you.
Love and Hugs, Cattails.
jrcat, 32 years is a very long time to be married and I would try to look at the good times of your marriage that you two had and try not let all this illness bring you down. You are going through a lot with your husband illnesses and only the man above knows when their time is to go upstairs and I'm not sure why he would allow someone to go through such ordeal. Of course, he went through a lot for us too. All we can do is pray and tell him we can only handle so much. Is their anyone else or can you afford Respite Care for your husband in order to get some sort of break. Any family members that can take him back-n-forth at least to the doctor? I hope you are able to get some rest and peace of mind as well for everyone else on this site.
You never did anything to bring this unhappiness on you, but you did marry a man who was older than you and he is now experiencing age and possibly life style related illness.
Can you afford to get in home help? Is there anyone, children, friends, relatives, to help with the travel and medical appointments. Can he be in respite care for a weekend and give you a break? Is there a caregivers support group you can join, a place to listen to others and share your situation?
I hope the best for you and your husband. You have had a difficult 6 years and I hope you find some peace. Cattails.
I know that my problems with my husband will lessen once the trips (18 more) down for the hyperbaric chamber will be finished. The best doctors are 2 counties away which is a pain but I guess they are worth it. He didn't have to use a wheelchair when he did & could have used a walker/cane if needed. I just need to find time for me for a change & I guess that is what I will need to do.
Make sure you have a POA for your mom and a clear medical directive that gives you the right to speak for her when she can no longer speak for herself. Just knowing what she wants isn't good enough.
Make the best of those weekends. Cattails
I think this is an important issue to discuss. I have POA for my dad. It allows me to sign for him, gives me permission to handle financial and other issues, but it does not allow me to speak for him in a medical situation.
You can obtain a health care directive that specifically gives you the authority to make medical decisions for one who is not able to do so for themselves. I asked if you had that because it's important that people realize how tricky the issues can be and what is necessary.
I have a new directive called Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment and it calls for "comfort care" only which has been signed by me and his doctor. It provides instructions to EMT's and hospital staff. No feeding tube, limited use antibiotics (Ok to use for UTI, but not for pneumonia), etc.
We all do our best to take care of our parents and ease their suffering. I have no idea what will come for my dad, but I pray everyday that he passes away here and I hope it is soon.
What you are going through is so painful. I'm so sorry for your mom and your family. Hugs, Cattails