Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

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Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

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No it's not a horrible thought. It's the wisp, or shot, of steam from your valve.

Everyday you are experiencing an unrelenting inescapable drip, drip, drip, of mental torture and despair.

No human being except for those in a savage prison camp constantly experiences no happiness or stays at an intestine-twisting-job 24/7 without let up. Who do you know that wakes up already at their job, goes to bed at their job, spends weekends at their job, no vacation from their job, no holidays from their job, no new years or birthday celebrations, always at their job, year after year after year. People complained about the isolation of Covid, give me/us an ef-fin break. What Covid?

I wish it would end one way or another and yet I do the right thing and he looks great. He has great blood pressure and heart, no diabetes or arthritis, no asthma, no torn rotator cuff (and retorn as I have), nothing. He's a great physical specimen, except for his mind, at a great cost. I have greatly changed over the last 15 years.

In the beginning of this journey I'd look up and plead - please let me live just one day longer than him 'cause no one would make sure he gets pedicures, or will make sure he doesn't have a rash in his butt from not wiping or washing properly, or makes sure he's as well fed, and that his ear, nose hair and beard is handsomely trimmed, and he brushes his teeth after every meal.

He doesn't appreciate anything. Like your mother to him everything out of his mouth is negative, everything is stupid or a waste of time or doesn't have any value and it goes on and on and on. He use to have the greatest laugh and a kind heart. He recently began calling me names that have made my eye brows hit my hairline. As an aside, I have to admit, that new change was so startling it had me giggling at first at the outrageousness of it. Until the second time. But my G-d a change from the incessant repetition was almost a splash of cold water. Man, that's not good.

He can't help it. It's not his fault.

I've been taking care of someone I haven't like for over a decade. I dislike my life. It's been a long time since I've stopped taking care of him because of him, but instead because of who I am. So noble right? No, I'm trying to hold on to being a human being for me. But this freaky reminent of the old me is being eaten away by this worse than Ebola Ground Hogs Day of a nightmare. I keep saying one way or another it's not forever.

Back to your question, no it's not wrong to hope someone dies. It's only normal to want to escape your prison. Daydreaming about a peaceful and happy life is healthy.

Pissssh. That was the sound of steam coming from the top of my head. Thank you for letting me release some from my valve.

Helpful Answer (18)

Reply to MicheleDL

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I learned something not such a long time ago that was a great new truth for me that I did not even know existed.

No one has to tolerate or live in abuse.

If a situation is abusive, it does not matter if the abuse is because of dementia or mental illness or any other reason.
No one has to live that way.
If a caregiver is being abused by the person they take care of, they need to leave. If it's a parent have them placed in a care facility.
If it's an abusive spouse, divorce. If it's dementia have them placed.
No one has to tolerate berating, belitting, constant complaining, verbal/emotional/physical/psychological abuse.
NO ONE.
The "someone" you're caring for MicheleDL - Walk away.
Your life has value and is important too.

(6)

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Is their anyone else who can take care of her? If she's to the point of not being able to care for herself, maybe it's time for her to go to a facility that has the ability to take care of her! My mom is a narcissist also and she darn near sucked the life out of myself and my husband! Just in case nobody has told you lately, you sound like you are doing a great job in a horrible situation! Perhaps she's acting like she is because she hurts and/or she's getting the response from you that she wants! I don't know, but my heart goes out to you and your family!

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Reply to purplebadger

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My mom was mean as a pole cat when I cared for her she would cuss me out refused to eat etc.but since her passing away last year I realized I would give anything in this world to have her back cursing me out, I know it's a big responsibility but so were we when we were brought in this world by the same parents who put up with US!!

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Reply to Waterman

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God Bless You. My Mom died four months ago and I miss her terribly everyday. I was her caretaker for years and she will be my beloved Mom forever.... She was nearly 100 yrs old.

(3)

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I don't think it is wrong to hope for the peace that will come to a sick, old, miserable person when they finally die. It is part of the circle of life. It is ok to look forward to the peace that will come for the caregiver too. And the freedom. And maybe the lightness of spirit. I know my mother will finally find peace when she passes on. It will be a relief for all the family. She is and has been an angry, anxious unsatisfied woman. I have prayed for her only because she has no belief in the spirit and will never pray for herself. I hope she crosses into the light. She was told last year she had 4 to 6 months to live but here we are at 8 months and shes still around getting weaker, sicker and demented and refusing help. No its not wrong to hope for an end to suffering.

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Reply to Pelar20

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I can totally understand why you would want her to be 'dead' because only then would you be free of all her negative input into your life.

Please find out about services which can help you by providing care for her and some very much needed 'freedom' for you.

Start now because you deserve to have your own life as she has had. You have an obligation to look after yourself it seems to me that you have tried hard with her but enough is enough. I wish you well.

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Reply to colleena

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My mother definitely is your mother's twin! A miserable, hateful person who is relentless in her pursuit to make my life a living hail!

I haven't spoken to her in 11years, to me, she is dead, that one forever step has set me free of her hold. I have gone no contact with her several times before, one time for 9 years, but I kept taking her back, she was my mother, after all, BIG mistake, the torture continued, now that I have designated her as dead I cannot go back.

Yes, she is still alive at age 97, two years ago my brother & I got her placed in AL, she had fought us tooth and nail before she had a slight stroke and she thought she was going to die.

My brother brought her to Florida, I found her a place, ran back n'forth between NC & Fl, cleaned out her house, had it repaired and sold it, never speaking to her. My brother does the leg work now, I will help him as needed behind the scenes. I do it to support him, not her.

I am at peace not having anything to do with her, I am finally free!

Believe me, I get it!

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Reply to MeDolly

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I did the same thing: except just extremely low contact, only for the sake of maintaining relationship with first father (until his death), and then siblings. Even that was difficult, because siblings were more tolerant of (blind to-making excuses for-enabling) mother's extremely narcissistic behaviours. I finally told sibs I had had enough, and would just help manage mother's hospice, insurance, interment arrangements, estate matters to assist THEM, not mother, but I would not provide mother with any emotional support or provide for any of her social interactions. They were reasonable and understood (for the most part), but one sibling did try to get me to visit her, take care of some of her grooming needs (no way! i couldn't touch that creature without feeling extreme revulsion). However, the arrangement worked; they dealt with the emotional stuff and I did most of the business stuff. There is no post-mother-dead resentment (as far as I can tell), and everyone is now living their lives so much more freely and better.

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I don't think it's necessarily bad to wish someone gone. Much depends on whether there is any chance of a full recovery for that person and how much they and everyone else are suffering.

The first time I wished for someone to pass quickly was in the case of my granddad, who was terminally ill. My mom moved in with him and my grandmother, as 24 hour caretaker, temporarily to fulfill their wish that he die at home. During that time, my dad and I received phone calls from my mom every damn night complaining about granddad's suffering and the ill use/abuse mom was enduring from insensitive family members. When you have to listen to the ongoing saga of someone dying inch by inch every day, you do learn to hope for a swift release for all concerned.

All the best to you and your mom.

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Reply to KatyKat

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She probably also wants to die. See about Hospice and don't let the hospital release her to you.

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Reply to karenchaya

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It is NOT wrong to wish someone would die sooner rather than later and it is also not wrong for her to WANT to die and do what she wants to expedite the happening.

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Reply to karenchaya

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Maybe it is wrong. Idk, I know I sound hard hearted, but it is a very human emotion to wish an aged parent to die, whether they are in your home under your care, like mine, who is 86, or in assisted living. Especially if they have dementia and displaying behaviour causing the caregiver mental anguish. This can be more of a strain if they are difficult, nasty and not suffering from dementia and in general good health, then the chances of them dying any time soon are pretty remote. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought, My God. How much longer?, when his behaviour has been an issue in our house. I’ve learnt the hard way not to tell my siblings any of the things that have happened here. They just don’t want to know or justify his behaviour. Mind you, they haven’t lifted a finger to do anything for my father or us towards his care.
So no, I don’t think it’s bad in some cases to wish an aged person/ dead.

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Reply to angryannie

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I don't think so; it feels wrong, but it's very normal. My grandma-in-law's life consists of sleeping, eating, and watching TV. Every day, she grows weaker and weaker. I often pray that she'll go peacefully in her sleep, so she can be with her two sons who preceded her in death.

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Reply to MavisBacon

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These thoughts about wishing that those people who have miserable lives die, are the result of the widespread belief that only God should decide when one dies. Meantime, the medical establishment keeps people existing even when life is meaningless. Of course, doctors are only going along with the wishes of society, which are based primarily in religious dogma. Nursing homes are full of pathetic human beings that the only life they have is a heart beats and breathing. Yet, many self-appointed experts in this forum, applaud those inhumane existences and encourage it. They blast anyone who gives realistic and logical opinions. They call them "cruel" and "heartless". The truth is that many caregivers who realize the futility of their efforts, secretly wish that those people with miserable existences should rather be dead. Of course, this brings a lot of undeserved guilt to them.

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Reply to TChamp

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I also don't believe that god decides when a person dies. If he did decide you would have to wonder why the cause of death for some including children is so horrific.

(7)

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I would agree with TChamp this time. I realize his/ her views are extreme, but, lately my girlfriend’s mother dying process made me think a little different. She was 88, cancer which until March was under control. Then in one month it all changed, she was in pain that no human should experience ever! Good (or bad) Canada has euthanasia, once in hospital and morphine and anything else does not work patient and only patient, never anybody with POA or caregiver, or family member who can benefit in any way, only 2 independent doctors and patient can decide.
Her daughter was wishing and prying for Mom to die, she expected to live days maybe week or two. Shocking, yes, but dying with dignity is gaining popularity.

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Reply to Evamar

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Dying is as natural as birth. Except that it's the other way around. Millions of babies are born every day in the world, and millions of people are also dying to make room for the new arrivals. There is nothing mystic, religious or mysterious in death, it's as natural as being born. When the body begins to show signs of being worn out after many decades in the world of the living, it begins to fall apart little by little just like an old piece of machinery. Disease is part of that process. Cancer, dementia, heart, kidney, liver, lung and other organ failures are normal when they reach expiration date. Medicines does not cure anything, only attempts to slow down the dismantling of the body, by doing repairs or replacing certain parts. But if the body is old, medicine only delays death by a very short time and often, sacrificing quality of life. Sometimes, people die sooner in their attempt to prolong life. Every organ in the body works in coordination with the others. If the organs are old and worn out, replacing one of them will not guarantee good functioning of the system. Something else might kill the recipient.

(7)

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I've been looking for some answer to be able to just go when I want to (although I'm still healthy now), and checked with the Hemlock Society. But they no longer have a website up because America won't allow it. However a good friend of mine whose cancer could not be healed after endless chemotherapy and radiology simply expressed to his doctor in front of his wife that he no longer wished to live and asked the doctor how that could be accomplished… This was in Cedars of Sinai in Beverly Hills… And the doctor suggested he not eat or drink and after four or five days and he will be gone. And yes, whenever food or drink would arrive he would send it back. It took him a week to die but he was grateful and so was his wife who loved him very much. I think that's what I'm gonna do.

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Reply to GiselaDawson

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PS. There are also a few helpful books, namely:
Let me Die Before I Wake: Hemlocks Book of Self Deliverance for the Dying.
by Derek Humphry

I'm always amazed that families don't have thoughtful, loving conversations about their end of life. If I were in that state, I would gather my dearest friends and family and share my thoughts, my desires for all my "stuff", where my darling pooches need to go, and let them know how much I treasure each of them.

I remember when my mother was in her last few days, I came up with a thought that we should call our friends and relatives in Germany (we were all born in East Germany and immigrated to the US) and so I dialed the number and when the person answered that she wanted to talk to, I identified myself saying "I'm at the deathbed of "Mutti" and she would like to say goodbye to you." It was a wonderful experience and my mother was so happy and they were so happy to be able to have express their love for her before she went. My mother, being the delightful human that she was, when I suggested we call a certain friend, she said "oh, call her when I'm gone". And we had a good jolly laugh over that because that friend was not one of her favorites.

I think that not acknowledging one's impending death is such a ridiculousness of denial.

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Reply to GiselaDawson

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My dad has directed me to clear the house out except for the rooms he uses. He wants to know that everyone has gotten things they would like. My son just took the huge dinning room table and chairs along with end tables and a Kings chest. I made a Moms closet Facebook page after mom died and displayed all her nice Royal Dougton figurines and other items. Between all my parents grandchildren, myself and sister inlaw and the newly wed daughters from across the street my mom new we managed to clear out a lot of things. Even moms organ. Dad is happy and no longer worried about what will happen with those items. He said he wants a small funeral like moms. I told him I was fine with that but as a WWII vet I want him to have Military honors. He is more relaxed now I can tell.

(11)

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You are not "wrong" to hope she dies (soon). If she's in the hospital and refuses to get out of bed or exercise, they will soon be looking for a way to move her somewhere. They've been trying to get her back on her feet (literally and figuratively). But their efforts are wasted on her if she will not co-operate. And you know very well how they feel.

If she is determined to "go downhill" see if she can be admitted to a nursing home or someplace. She won't do any better in
Independent living and probably not in "assisted living" either.

Sounds like she's determined to give up or force someone to help her at everything! You are not likely to change her attitude. You might try telling her something like, "Its up to you, Mom. People are not going to want to help you if you aren't trying to help yourself." No need to argue. Those are the facts.

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Reply to Dosmo13

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No. You are allowed to have your feelings. She has created a situation in which you wish she were out of your life. How sad for her. But not for you. Please relax and accept that you wish to be free of her. You aren't wishing her death; you're wishing your liberty.

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Reply to reallyfedup

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My mom is also a narcissist and she has diabetes. She wants me to take care of her forever. She is perhaps one of the nastiest people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting in my life. My dad lost patience and left when I was 12. He is very emotionally distant, and will not help with my situation. I want to hire her a nurse or put her in a care home, but I worry local hospitals and treatment centers won't even recognize I am being abused. I know most people I have told simply enable the behavior.

I hope you do find peace, it is very difficult in this situation because these people don't change. Any way you look at it, its going to be a hopeless, no win situation until you get out.

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Reply to chessman6500

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It isn't that you want her gone somehow - you want to remove yourself from her. Wherever she is - here or there - you need to remove yourself by allowing yourself to do that. Your 'wish' is unresolved anger, frustration, resentment, exhaustion, and much more - and having had more than enough. If you do not do the inner work on yourself, whether she is physically gone or not, she will be there inside you/r head and being. This is what you need to let go of - no matter where she is.

You need to dis-associate yourself from your mother.
Get into therapy / counseling.
You must allow yourself to separate from your mother so you can sort out and process how you feel. Right now, you are too intertwined, emotionally and psychologically. Perhaps like cement. It is time to take that hammer and crack the cement into pieces, get the broom and sweep it all away ... perhaps not a good analogy... in other words, learn to release and let go and move on.

This is not easy. It is absolutely necessary for you if you want to learn who you are and enjoy meeting yourself.

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Reply to TouchMatters

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This is the best and greatest response I have ever seen on this thread.
Thank-you so much for responding with this because it has also helped me greatly.
You have true wisdom.

(11)

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Mine are just purely selfish reasons. I want my life back. Enough said.

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Reply to bluehallie4

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People often confuse selfless with selfish.
We become selfless when we take care of ourself.
Taking care of ones self is necessary.

You deserve your life back. Take it.
Do what you need to do FOR YOU.

(15)

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I totally understand this.

My narcissistic mother is miserable and makes everyone else's life miserable too. Her recent confabulations were mind blowing. She was nice to my face but bad mouthed me an hour later. She does this to everyone.

To me, she died the day she got the formal diagnosis. We never had a loving relationship and never will.

I call dementia a living death. The body keeps going when the mind is gone. Except in the narcissists case, they become meaner and nastier.

So no, I don't think you are wrong.

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Reply to Piano1975

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Good for you! There should be no guilt within us if the parent is a bad person. We only have one life, and it is up to us to make ourselves happy. We are to live and help our parents, but God does not expect us to stand around and be abused.

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Parenting parents gets harder over the years😊. They ( our parents) had the advantage as we were sponges.. ready and willing to soak up all they had to give. The reverse role of caring for an adult.. who is set in their ways and then some… whew!

Set boundaries my friend, find your peace and make friends with it( we know when our peace is disturbed) and when that happens set more boundaries, and remember there are many ways to to assure mom has adequate care without you having to assume the role.

Personally, as a daughter I feel as long as I assure she has care/ assistance then I’ve done my job ( much like when they found baby sitters for us lol). Be creative as possible in doing so ( hire, barter, negotiate, etc… well as far as your means can stretch! And if all else fails maybe it’s time for NH or assisted living..
Happy to hear you husband is progressing 😊
Wishing you the best outcome😊

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Reply to Endure

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I love that you mention ",,,as long as I assure she has care/assistance then I've done my job." Great babysitter analogy!

With my mother, she is not accepting that she has to go-she wants HER OLD LIFE BACK and now EVERYONE is going to pay for putting her out to pasture. Nope- she will pay. Only she can accept her fate (lucky woman) Only she can make the best of it or the worst of it. I have a life to live especially after 15 years of therapy. None of us know how many years we have ahead of us and I sure 'ain't' spending them stressing over and taking her tantrums for the remainder of what I have left.

(14)

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You are never wrong for the way you feel. My mom is not doing well and needs 24/7 care and is getting worse by the month. She’ll decline, stabilizes for a few weeks, then declines some more. She has to be miserable and if she were my cat, I would euthanize her so she didn’t have to suffer anymore. But, I can’t do that, so My sister and I, as well as the nursing staff at her home, do the best we can to lift her spirits and make her as comfortable as possible. You can’t help but feel for them.

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Reply to VegetaBohls

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I totally agree. My mom is in a SNF and suffers with Dementia. It broke my heart to place her in a facility but I simply couldn’t do it any longer. My guilt from placing her eats at me every day. I struggle going to see her because she’s not my mom. She has no memory longer than 3 seconds. I go because I know! I go at least weekly but feel guilty for not going more often as she’s close by. I know she doesn’t know but again I know. We’ve been brought up that putting loved ones in a facility is taboo. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ok with it. She’s on Medicaid so the places here that accept Medicaid aren’t very fancy. I wish Medicaid facilities here were nicer, but she is taken care of but they are short staffed. So much to deal with. I hate feeling that I want her to die but she’s not living.

(2)

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Many of us have been there. Your feelings are normal. Don't worry about these feelings.

You are exhausted. You have nothing left in your tank, but more is expected, yes demanded, of you. You are struggling to survive. You just want it over.

Your question is "Is it wrong?" Well, maybe it is wrong, but if it is, many of us on this message board have been wrong.

If your conscience still bothers you, get on your knees and ask for forgiveness. Then forgive yourself.

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Reply to Wyoaviator

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Belle, you aren't alone. I am in the same boat and completely understand how you feel. My father is going through almost the exact same thing. He has been in and out of the hospital over 40 times since 2018 and had a stroke in 2015. He hasn't walked for years and forbids to do any type of physical therapy, anymore. He is in a long term nursing home now and I don't even want to go visit him anymore because it is so emotionally draining and frankly, a waste of time because nothing good comes out of it. Both my mom and my brother died young and I am the only one in the family who is handling things. I have felt so much turmoil having to give up a part of my life to have to travel to him (I live and work over an hour away) to visit and do his laundry and have meetings with the nursing staff. I try to stay positive in front of everyone else but it is a problem for me because my father was never really been there for me when I really needed someone. At times, I hate him for being narcassistic, stupid and ignorant.

In any case, I am sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted to offer my support and let you know that you aren't alone. The way you are feeling is completely normal. I went through the "bereavement" process many times over, since my dad began to go downhill. That was painful...and to have to go through it over and over again every time I go to visit, has literally taken a tool on my health and attitude. I just can't do it anymore!! Thank god he is in a place that can safely take care of him. Now, I am just waiting for him to pass so I can go on with my life.

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Reply to MyAgingFather

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I have 94 year old parents that I’m
helping to care for. I will miss the parents I loved who are long gone from these bodies. I will grieve these people as they were. What is left now are the empty shells of two people who are miserable because they have no quality of life and every day for them is a monumental task to just get through it. My sisters and I took good care of them for the past ten years but now they are both declining rapidly. So what I finally wish for as a loving daughter is for them both to have good deaths and to finally be free from suffering. I have no guilt expressing this.

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Reply to Hothouseflower

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Could not agree with you more!

(5)

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Hello Fellow travelers-
I am so happy to have found this forum. I found myself becoming more so frustrated reading other forums where adult children were admonishing anyone who would even consider for a NY second placing their "loved one" in a facility of any kind. In none of the posts I read where any peeps didn't have a parent living with them as such.

Well, well- aren't they lucky to have had a supportive mother and or dad all their lives to love them, build them up, be their rock et al. What they seemingly can not reconcile is that there are many who didn't and therefore do not have the same feelings about said parent and where they go when they have always been Narcs and by DSM 5 definition and NOW have dementia. Afterall, your mother brought you into this world....(maybe I should be sending her a Thank you card and flowers?) Yep she did, but mentally and emotionally abused me and sent my very loving and supportive Dad to an early grave at 65 (25 years ago)

She is now 87 years old and has dementia. I have been estranged from her most of my adult life. The two friends she had left, dumped her 20 years ago because they told her that everything was always about HER. That they wanted joy and laughter in their lives, not her complaining and bad mouthing her kids and other friend.

Fortunately she has enough money to move in to a high end facility, but it won't be good enough for her. She doesn't want to be around old people in wheelchairs, walkers or needing other devices. She also isn't interested in being around those with dementia because she doesn't have it. That said, she has a private caregiver 10 hours a day to cook for her because she can't safely use the stove. In fact, if I was to bring her in bags of groceries, she wouldn't know what to do with them. She wouldn't bathe and didn't when I took care of her single handedly for 4 months. # times I got fired and 3 times I quit.

This woman has made my life a living hell all my life and now I even call her and see her maybe once a week. She is a 15 minute walk from me and every day I tell myself 'tomorrow'. I can't stand the woman.

I am feeling so angry and bitter right now. She has destroyed so many people's lives and she is STILL here! She is supposed be going to this residence at the end of the month and I am thinking the worst is yet ahead. She will be a disrupter and maybe kicked out. She truly will not have anywhere to go if she does, or leaves on her own accord. Though I couldn't give a Fat F if she does.

Thanks All.

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Reply to OliverOOO96

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You don’t owe her a thing. If you would feel better not bothering anymore, then that’s what you should do.

(10)

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I surely hope it isnt wrong. I think it is honest actually. There is nothing else to bring us all peace. right?

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Reply to janice1234

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I think it’s so hard to watch a terminal person suffer and this is a common feeling among caregivers. My husband has ALS and is always quick to tell me what I’m doing wrong or shaking his head if I make a mistake. I get constant criticism and complaining. If the situation were reversed, I believe he would have put me somewhere. It’s the most difficult thing to be a caregiver, thank God I have many good friends that give me emotional support.

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Reply to Sulmr10

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Hopefully not because I just wished for it an hour ago, and then googled to find a help group because right now I feel completely helpless. My 85 year old mother lives with me and three years ago I had to quit my job to provide 24/7 care for her. It is destroying my family because I can never go out. If she is left alone at all she starts yelling out the window. The neighborhood kids now stare up. She has a suite on the second floor, she will not come downstairs, she slams her walker on the floor if you don’t immediately answer her screaming down the stairs. She has dementia, is incontenant and an alcoholic. I am an only child so I have no sibling help. I cannot afford a nursing home which is where she belongs. I feel so trapped and watch my life pass by.

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Reply to Kate21

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You don't have to afford a nursing home. If you live in the US moms lack of funds will qualify her.

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Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

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