Who to believe? Mom or staff?

I have been at the NH on the 3rd shift, when there was ONE aide for 2 entire wings. That means there were only 2 nurses aides in the entire building. Unbelievable!

The laws have to change regarding minimum staffing. But the lobbyists have far too much influence.

put a hidden camera in her room. Sounds like neglect. If its accurate talk to a lawyer...not the nurse (who has almost zero power...and clearly no care)

My mother was in a nursing home for 4 years. I found it helpful about once per month to pay somebody from the outside to come sit with her and observe and have a composition book inside a magazine to write down any concerns. You then have a witness. I took a few hours myself just for “investigating” by acting normal but noting if they came and how long for “potty”, etc. I was armed to the gills when I went to the Administrator’s office with eyewitness notes!! They will lie to you to cover their butts. They are understaffed on CNA’s and the nursing home is only interested in the bottom line. ($$)

When it's her word against theirs, you'll NEVER know for sure. Dementia and UTI's happen, but dishonest and lazy employees in nursing homes abound as well.
You have to make it be their word against theirs by recording. That said, it's illegal in some places, and rehab facilities I've visited for other relatives have signs that say you cannot take video or pictures or have any recording devices. They claim it's to protect the patients, which may be partly true, but it's also to protect themselves.
Videos can be misinterpreted if they are edited to cut out what led up to an event or what happened at the end, so that's another reason they're frowned upon.
BUT, if it were me, I'd still do it and just use the information for MY purposes, not for police or a courtroom. That way you can make the changes you need to make (like taking her out of there) if you discover it's the staff who're lying, but be careful to do some long visits to ensure it's not that staff is stretched too thin. That can be determined from a few visits where you stay for a couple of hours and walk down the halls to observe, go past the nurses station, and look around to see how many room lights are lit up, as well as how long they stay that way.

Helping77, first bless you for donating your time at nursing homes. The residents need music and smiles. I don't know what the time frames are. We sometimes go mid morning, sometimes after lunch.

Horrible about that lady!!!!! Did y'all report it to anyone? I'm sure you did.

Thanks for writing on this forum! Karen in Texas

The AL is "blowing you off" and please excuse the expression. The excuses I received, is " I don't know", "that wasn't on my shift", "I just got here and do not know how it happen". Believe your Mom, there is truth in what she says. My mom has been in a AL for a month now and I started documenting dates, times, names, and concerns- I have taken pictures as well. I have escalated 'verbally' to the executive director of newly built AL without any results. They are short staffed, like all AL,and the staff has "attitudes" (mostly the younger ones) but we pay 'good money' for the services that are not being completed in a timely manner. My next step is the written documentation with pictures. I'm already looking for other places. Best of luck..and I feel your pain..

I'm going to answer this without reading any of the other replies first to let you know that this absolutely does happen and in my experience it happens often.
I'm not sure what other things your mother said but I have first hand experience with this. My mom and I are really close it's just been her and I since she left dad when I was six months old. I know it's not cool to say this about my mom but she is my best friend. I green up knowing without a doubt that I was loved unconditionally. So when she got sick a couple of years ago and went to a short term nursing rehab for 3 months I staid the night there three or four times a week. Mom was in beginning stages of dementia and I was in denial.
I got a lot of negative replies when I posted about this before. I was asking a question about mom's behavior and offhandedly mentioned I noticed it when I spent the night at the nursing home. She was in a single room and I had permission from the director. Some of the CNA's and nurses thought it was great some were just really annoyed.
Some of the replies I got on here we're that I was probably in the way and I should just let these "professionals" do their job. That's what they're trained for. I know some meant well but there's no way I could leave her alone when she was going through all this scary new stuff. She had a really bad case of hospital delirium when she first went to emergency room. I had never heard of that but found out it was very common in elderly people who go through a sickness. Something like 40% of people over seventy experience it to some degree. So when she went to the rehab and I found out I could stay with her I was relieved.
I've always known that our relationship was different than most parents and their kids. Mom always watched "Snapped" and we would crack up when they would comment that the murdering mother always had an unusually close relationship with her son. But anyway back to you. I soon noticed that the alarms that were activated when someone pushed the nurses button went on all night. They're were all different kinds of cognitively challenged patients. I noticed that it was different with different shifts. The same employees worked together on their three on four off shifts. The shift on the weekends we're on top of things alone more the the week shifters. The noise volume was so drastically different that I commented to one of the weekend workers and he said he heard that from a lot of people. O also found out that the turn over with employees in the care giving industry was very high at least in my particular area. Their were a lot of young people who went into the profession for the wrong reasons (I actually did a lot of research on this later on. I have way too much time on my hands lol). They're is a shortage of qualified nurses and CNA's everywhere. It seems like you almost have to have a calling to do that kind of work and I have high respect for you all who do this kind of work. I know that this can be a thankless job that doesn't offer a very good financial compensation for the amount of work you do. Inevitably there are a lot of people who can't handle the mental challenge that comes with working with older sick people. I know I couldn't do it. So if someone doesn't have the calling to help older sick people they get burned out quick. At this particular home it was so obvious that the employees somehow ended up working in shifts with other employees that we're like minded. The ones who hated their thankless, underappreciated, underpaid jobs and those who love the huge difference they can make in a few appreciative patients and love the challenge that comes with trying to make a difference. I had a couple of really bad experiences that ended with two CNA's losing their jobs but not having charges filed for obvious abuse. Long story short lol what your mom told you is very common.

I've seen things happen with the staff like this at NHs, where the staff is not doing their jobs UNTIL the patient's family member shows up. Then the staff is "perfection." It's hard to know if this happened IN THIS CASE, but it COULD have.

Nanny, I, too, would have concerns. My Mother, who passed in March, went through all the stages of dementia and died from the disease. I truly have lost count of how many hospital and skilled stays along with assisted then nursing homes then hospice. There are good and there are bad. I've seen everything from creepy male techs to 'caregivers' playing on their phones claiming to be too busy to help my mom to the bathroom to outright verbal and physical abuse. I have also seen compassionate and caring people who went above and beyond. In the US, it is all about profit....not for the caregivers who are on the front lines-certainly-and I could really go 'off' on that subject but won't at this time. All I can advise is that you be diligent, keep an eye out, be present, show up at unexpected times and if your gut tells you something is not right, it probably isn't. All the best to you. Hang in there. You are doing right by your mom.

Wow! Nannybrister and commenters have hit the nail on the head. I've found the comments here so heartening. So many family members are identifying the key problem, i.e. understaffing in long-term care homes. I was a CNA and lost my job after complaining about the kind of neglect cited here. I listen to industry experts try to make the case that staffing isn't all that important, it's the training that staff gets. (And of course these industry leaders want nursing homes to buy their training programs rather than hire another aide.) If only we could form a family network,acoss homes and even states, to track the problems and develop leverage to counter the industry lobbyists who fight against efforts to mandate better staffing. Please let's keep the spotlight on this problem of neglect of residents in long-term care homes because of short-staffing.

Nannybrister, you mentioned that the NH asked you not to visit after 4 p.m. because of sundowners. I have visited several memory care centers in anticipation of a placement for my mom. Almost exclusively they allow and encourage visits at any point in the day or night. I was actually concerned about this policy because of security concerns and possible disruption during the night. But they allow it to accommodate family members who may work odd hours and can't visit during "normal business hours." So the sundowner explanation sounds shaky to me.

I live in a health care facility with an extremely sharp mind but I can't walk due to a spinal injury. I see it all. There are far too few staff and it does take a long time to get responses so that part is most likely true. But on the other side, if there are memory problems, you can expect some tales to be "phony". It works both ways and there is no real way of telling short of hiding under the bed and watching.

One thing I believe is contributing to situations like this in care facilities is the low wages the workers receive. Just around the corner from my mother's facility is a McDonalds with a sign out front that announces they pay $12+ an hour. I know none of the aides at the facility make that much and their work is much harder and much more important. Why is there this discrepancy in pay? It causes poor morale among the aides and, in turn, some of them become neglectful or abusive to the residents, others leave after a few weeks. The few who stay usually work 1-2 additional jobs. Poor wages are not going to attract good people. I do know that the director is paid quite well and that the facility must be making money.

I have asked my mother many times if she would like to visit other facilities and consider a move. She is adamant that she does NOT want to be moved. She has made a few friends among the residents, caretakers and even the dogs who live there. The location is central to family and friends, close to her doctors and the stores and restaurants she is familiar with (which is HUGE to someone with dementia). It would be very inconvenient for our family to move her, but I would be more than willing if she was receptive to it. My siblings and our children are not in favor of a move either. They live and work in the area and it would be more difficult for them to visit - and she lives for their visits. I do believe that if my mother were fearful of anyone at the facility, she would readily agree to a move - she does have enough lucidity to perceive a threat to her well being. It's such a frustrating situation.

I realize care in AL is expensive. I am just thinking out loud. Some people hire outside sitters through an agency to help out their loved one. Is this frowned upon my AL?

just assume what she is saying is truth since you've seen it. she may have dementia at times, but don't let them write off her complaints to that medical issue.

Someone has to visit and check things over. My mother has been in memory care for 4 months. First three months, I visited every day for a quick look around. Whatever was missed or overlooked, I would take it upon myself to complete at least twice. Third time, I used my phone to take pictures and would take it up to the unit supervisor. About two more turns with that, and I requested a care meeting with the director of nursing and the administrator. Told them my goal, and asked if it was unreasonable to expect personal care. They said no, we do personal care. Showed them the dated photos, which included the last three days of soiled morning bedding still on the bed at 9:00 a.m. Asked them again if they were able to complete the personal care. I made it clear of what I expected (mom in the a.m. wearing a clean Depends and her bedding is clean for the next night) and they said that they would talk to the unit supervisor. Since that meeting, the unit staff consistently met those specific requirements for two weeks. Recently, I started going every other day. Same thing, quick look around, check my mother's supplies, make sure both her butt and bedding are clean. I believe that you have to be vigilant, but willing to work with the staff. Documentation, dated photographs and regular visits.

If you can afford to do it, put a small camera with audio somewhere that it can record what happens - at least in her room.

Although my mother did not have Alzheimer's, she experienced (& I saw for myself) the same things happen. You have to have some form of proof in order to get any results.

Of course the Resident Nurse is going to deny anything as such is happening. It's such a crock because your Mom or someone is paying an huge amount of money so your Mom can be where she is supposed to be well taken care of.

I could write a book on all the things that weren't done right by the staff, etc. when it comes to the care or rather the lack of appropriate care Mom experienced.

Martha,

I’m so sorry you had bad care for your mom. Hugs!