When no one likes your mom. Any advice?

It’s not nice when only one person in a family with help with the parents. However, it is what it is. If you want to visit with your siblings ask them to drive to your town and then visit with them at a restaurant or hotel if they are staying the night. You do not have to tell your mother everything you do. Just tell her you have errands to do and you’ll see her later. You must take control of your life when dealing with your mother or your other family members. Good luck!

I get it. I respect you very much, you show unconditional love, which is quite beautiful and good. I am doing the same except my dad with parkinsons with dementia is now in memory care. Blessings to you.

You should repeat that statement about their kids to them.

She probably talks a lot about the past because there's not much current activity going on or communication from outside the house. What's she supposed to talk about.

If you have to drive several hours to see your siblings, the siblings ought to be able to give up enough time to be around THEIR mom, too. If I were her, my feelings would be hurt, too, that my own kids want to visit without me. Shame on them. Sounds like they don't provide much relief to you either if they aren't keen about being around her. Double shame on them.

Tell them to come to you & bring food ..that your mother can’t be left alone. Hugs 🤗

From the recent few responses I've read, I have a different point of view.
Although, no, I haven't had this experience.

* To make light of a serious situation, it sounds like separation anxiety dogs experience when left alone. When some people do not 'do well' alone, you need to find alternatives WHEN you do go out of the house alone, and you NEED to be able to do that. For instance,

IMPORTANT: arrange to have a caregiver w her when you need a respite or plan a visit. If not a caregiver, a friend, acquaintance, neighbor. Someone, even if she resists. She doesn't want to be alone and this could be from dementia.

- Have music on if this might re-direct her / relax her a bit.

- She needs to have someone there 'most of the time,' although I believe if and when she is alone, she may / will adjust - to degree(s) depending on the level of dementia.

* Consider medication to calm her down 'just a bit' when you are ready to leave.

* Have you left her alone? what happens? Again, (sorry, comic relief) when leaving a dog alone, they may go to sleep or they may tear up the house.
- what does your mom do?

* While you do not talk about your mom's condition, i.e., sounds like dementia and anxiety. It is important to know what her diagnosis is OR is her behavior a continuum from her past, earlier years - knows how to strategize to get what she wants ... or both? Whatever it is, her behavior is working on you (wherein you are not taking care of yourself).

Understandably, your siblings would want to visit with you without her, based on your description of how she expresses / communicates around others.

IMPORTANT:

You are allowing her to make decisions 'for you / your life-style.'

STOP.

You must learn to set boundaries for your 'me time,' whatever that means to
you.

You NEED 'me time.'

* GET A CAREGIVER. Call / introduce her as a new friend of yours. Have her come over 2-3 times before you go out so she'll be used to her.

* CERTAINLY rarely/never tell her where you are going (visit your siblings). Instead, tell her you ... have a date (?) - appt with your accountant ? anyone that she would 'understand' (Oh, I can't be there or I don't need to be there, this is personal ... and she may not get this, either as her (level of dementia/) need for someone/you there may override her ability to understand there are some situations / circumstances where you need privacy.)

- Try telling her "I need some "me time." And, ask her if she understands ... if you think she could / would. Cushion this statement with "I love you and will be back soon."

* By taking the 'easy way out,' taking her with you, you are losing your personal power - to her. You need to approach her - come from a place of confidence. I have an errand to go on and I'll be gone two hours." Period.

- When she inquires and she will - say "Oh, its a personal friend, you don't need to be there this time ... or its just a personal need - I'll be back." And, THEN walk away - do not continue to engage in dialogue.

- She sounds BORED. How do you keep her occupied? Give her more to do, i.e., fold laundry... put a puzzle together ... ?

- It's the 'hooking' in with her pleas that will get you to explain. You do not want to explain and you do NOT have to explain. Learn to be / feel empowered. And, yes. This is new behavior for you so you will have a reaction / feelings about it (guilt, sad, other feelings). Give yourself time to adjust, TOO. This is new for both of you.

Gena / Touch Matters

Emotionally numb. Unbelievable that family doesn't wish to have mother around them ,. Let's see have you tried respise care for mother . Nursing homes has them yes it cost daily . I tried it fir mother I was burnt out . Didn't have any knowledge. I told her she was going on vacation . An entire week , I did . A little peace of regrouping for me. ( Based on availability) it worked out so good every three months I looked for time vacation fir her , once I placed her 2 weeks . Another 28 days
(30 days make them residence,)
Lots more money.
So call her PCP and inquire or check with area nursing home ,
God bless

You are your mother's caregiving slave, and now you are asking questions about how to appease your do-nothing siblings because they want to see you but not your mother?

You are wondering if you want to bother with your siblings. I would have cut them out of the picture long ago, since they do absolutely NOTHING to help with your mother. They have never come to relieve you so that you can have a vacation? Even just have a weekend off?

Of course, no one has to do any caregiving for a parent. So it's their right to refuse. But why did you agree to take it on? I'm thinking they wouldn't care if your mother went to a facility to live, right? I guess if you are the one who says no way to that, then you are stuck with your mother 24/7/365.

I'm starting to think my mom is determined to drive people away from her. All day since I got home from work, she's been ranting and raving about one thing after another. For example, I recently decided to save up an emergency fund so she keeps telling me different things I should spend money on around the house. Or we went to the store and I asked what she wanted to eat, she couldn't decide anything then asked about if they would have chicken, they didn't, so we got KFC, which she complained about. Then just now, she starts talking about feeling like 'something is off or wrong' and she might do something, shes not sure what. I think shes mad bc I don't get all worked up or try to solve all the problems ahe tries to come up with. I let her rant for a while then when I can't listen anymore, I say ok enough, done now. She usually quiets down but is pissed off for awhile. I don't really have a point, just wanted to vent.

I wonder if she has a UTI.