My husband has gotten considerably less self-sufficient over the past year. He can no longer walk, his vision is almost entirely gone, he has a difficult time communicating and his short-term memory is bad. In recent weeks he has fallen so often making transfers that he no longer uses the bathroom but prefers a bed pan and he does not want me to bathe him because he is too tired, etc. I feel that I have reached the end of my rope, while I never wanted to put him in a nursing home I'm beginning to feel there is no other choice. Hospice comes in twice a week but it really isn't enough.
She is on walker and will not try to excerise her cripple leg or hands, nothing..
I have to insist anymore for shower, and hair washed.. She cusses me so badly when I suggest washing her hair.. Seems she wants to fuss at me..
Use to she loved to get her hair done.. ALso her nails.. She still gets pedicure, as long as I can take her.. Which is getting really hard..
With a bad back, and Rhemotoid, I have alot of health problems also.. Makes it so hard..
I have taken care of her now about 2 yrs alone, except when my husband helps..
He is good to help or I wouldnt make it.. I am a only child..
Times have gotten harder, and nerves are working on me..
I try to go and sit and relax, and now find it harder and harder to relax at all..
If i go outside to drink tea, she gives me fifth degree when I come in but she wont go out with me..
I dont go anywhere except twice a month to grocery store.. Very little do I go anywhere.
No going out to eat or anything. I have tried taking her but it has gotten worse about her getting out.. So, I just soon to stay home as to battle with her or have her go in a rage in the resturant...Its a mess...
She doesnt even try anymore to help herself much. Expects us to wait on her totally..
She can do but wont.. She tells me she dont care...
She has wet the bed lately quite a bit.. I wonder if she just wont get up,
I am taking her back to Dr. this afternoon for checkup, and see what stage we maybe in now.
Sounds like stage,. 6 or 7 but I dont know...
Thanks, for letting me vent and Bless all you, for taking care of your loved ones..
I know how hard it is, and mentally exhausting at times..
Prayers For All,
Big Hugs
Di
I've looked at a nursing home nearby that has low ratings but looks really nice and they talk a nice game...the other options I looked at were far worse with urine smell hitting you the moment you walked in. At least this one didn't have urine smell.
I guess there is no really good option when you have to rely on the state to pick up the tab. You try to pick the best of the bad and then second guess yourself.
I still have to jump through the hoop of getting a history and physical done on my mom and having that sent to the LTC facility so that they can see "if they can provide the level of care that my mom needs".
It's so good of you to care for your mom. I know you are doing everything you can. You are giving her amazing care. I had the same concerns with my father. I felt like the nursing home couldn't or wouldn't do a good enough job for him as I could.
But at the same time, I failed to realize how angry and resentful I was getting about being in the trenches every day with him, while my siblings were "free" from all the decision making. Even what to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner became overwhelming.
He passed last year and I don't know if I still made the right choice. I hope others can add more insight.
Hubby and I have talked about whether to place her when she gets "too bad", (whatever that is--she's entering stage 7 at this time). It's hard.
She got good care at the memory care facility BUT she was falling fairly often, dropping her diaper to pee in the corners of rooms, etc. which indicates she wasn't being watched as well as I would have liked. She wound up fracturing her wrist, had multiple bruises on various parts of her body and had to have a CT scan to make sure she didn't have a concussion. She had a UTI when we brought her home and I immediately took her to the doctor. The facility also missed a cellulitis in her leg (she picks at her skin) and I pointed it out. I know they weren't assisting her to the bathroom every 2 hours like I do, hence, the peeing problem. (She can't sit down or stand up without max assist) and probably didn't want to sit in a wet diaper or feel embarrassed that she wet herself.
If we place her in a skilled nursing facility, will they turn and reposition her often enough (every 2 hours to prevent bedsores), bathe her even though she might put up a fuss, offer liquids every 2 hours, etc.? Really, you just can't be sure. The cost would be picked up by the state (Medi-Cal), so the facility may not have a 5 star rating.
I'm fully capable of caring for her (I'm a nurse) but not sure my (already bad) back will hold up. I guess we'll just take one step at a time.
Anyone else in this predicament?
How are you doing? I hope a least a little bit better. Do not give up. I wish I could put my arms around you a give you a big hug. So concider yourselve hugged!
I will pray for you and your husband,
Susan
In Christian Love,
Susan Myers