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Recently my mother's boyfriend (ten years younger) moved in with her.... he could not sell his business, could not take her to Paris like he promised, then surprized us all and is selling his tiny condo... pushing his way into my mother's paid off house... His daughter said she readied a special room for her father to move in with her to be close to grandkids etc.... then all of a sudden the room was no longer available.... next we find out he has moved in....My mother said she would not let this happen and did not want him to move in.... but now it is different.... what should I do?

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I would tell the BF he better rent out that Condo because if anything happens with Mom, a NH or she passes, he is out. The house will be sold for her care or for inheritance purposes.

If Mom has been diagnosed with Dementia, I so hope someone has POA. If not, I would get her to assign someone and make it immediate. Get your name on her accounts. From what you have written this maybe a scam artist. Promising her a trip and then saying he lost his business now they can't go. Now he is moving in. Get a background check on him. I wasvon my Moms bank accts. I was able to keep an eye on them.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Ask mom what made her suddenly change her mind?

What health issues and/or cognitive issues does mom suffer from?
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Is she cognitively impaired? If not there’s nothing you can do.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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There is absolutely nothing that you can do.
If you make a fuss about this then you are going to be told nothing when/if mom gets upset or scared she has made a mistake.
So you need simply to hold your peace, take mom to lunch and DO NOT QUESTION, but rather allow her to talk to you.

This has recently happened to my DD's MIL. She has had a companion at her same ILF for years. They have traveled on a lot of trips together. They are mid 90s. Now they have decided they will move in together into DD's MIL's cottage and he will give his up. This way they can save more of each of their funds for "the kids" (who are in their 70s).

It isn't working. The MIL has poor eyesite. The beau has health problems as well. And it is even difficult for the MIL now to sleep, after many years with no snoring, no bed partner. And as she is a bit "old school" she doesn't even want to say to the "beau" ; "you know, hon, I got so used to my own room I need to keep it that way for the duration".

The kids are all supportive and listening. This gives mom the opportunity to say "Hon, this isn't working". IF they start on the couple it WON'T WORK. Think back to when you were a teen and parents were on you about your love life. It didn't work. You went underground.

And that's what the elders will do.
Stay supportive. Be there. Help around so you KNOW what is going on.
Take this a day at a time.
This may work very well. And it may not. The jury's out.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Anxietynacy Oct 15, 2024
I'm sure this will be hard , but alva is absolutely right.

Think of it as if it was you and your mom didn't like the person you were dating. Respect works both ways, no matter how hard it is, and as long as no dementia has been diagnosed.
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If your mother honestly didn't want her "boyfriend" moving in with her, then why didn't she open her mouth and tell him that? She must be a push over huh? And that of course can get her in a lot of trouble here, BUT....your mother is a grown a$$ woman and she must now live with the consequences of her choices.
And there's really not a darn thing you can do about this, except if it were me, I would be watching things very closely.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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If your mother has a sound mind she can choose to have anyone live in her home she wants. Seems she wants the boyfriend. If your mother doesn’t have a sound mind, whoever is her POA should act to remove the boyfriend, and likely mom to a place that’s safe for her as well
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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