Mom has run out of the funds used to supplement her Social Security income, which does not cover the expenses of living in the assisted living facility she has called home for 4+ years. I'm told by my sibling that she does not qualify for Medicaid. I am limited as to options and am considering moving her into my home, which will be VERY different for her. I work 8-5, but am 2 miles from home. I'm searching for adult day care resources and trying to understand what Medicare will cover in regard to home health aides. This will involve moving her to another state; however, in the last 2 years, I am the only one she has seen face-to-face for a majority of that time. She does not love her living situation and I'm hopeful that living with me will improve that outlook for her. Yet, I know I may feel a target on my back, as I have seen my sibling experience the same whenever things in Mom's world aren't understood by her and she simply feels restricted and forgotten. So, what am I going to experience that I may not have any clue is coming down the pike?
1. Verify your mom's Medicaid eligibility.
2. Imagine having an oversized toddler living with you.
And in any case, not everyone believes in God or in the way that you do.
1. During my Mom's lifetime, she didn't like senior centers because all people did was complain about their children, grandchildren and everyday life. She ended up going to a senior center during the day. She complained about the programs, the food, the people. After about 9 months on the second day-time care program, she complained that she was bored. That is when I started looking for long term care outside the home.
2. She is a victim of past experiences. When it came time to place her somewhere, she rejected everywhere that could give her personalized care (the smaller homes) because it wasn't like "home". I finally just placed her with the help of my siblings. The first day she was there was the day we moved her in. She was mad.
3. Her desire to eat is a lot more than me. She wanted 3 full meals plus snacks every day. She wanted me to join her and eat. (My brother died from complications from obesity,) She was constantly walking from her bedroom to the kitchen, opening up the fridge, messing in the pantry, trying to see what was on shelves that were out of her reach, etc. She would call out for people to help her. She didn't necessarily want to eat anything.
4. She didn't want to talk to people who called her up. She said they were being needy. Yet she criticized others for not keeping in touch with her. She said that all of her friends were dead (and 99% were).
5. She could no longer hold the phone to her ear. She could no longer stay focused enough for FaceTime. We could not do telehealth during COVID. She couldn't necessarily understand the voice if she used the telephone or Facetime. Therefore, we had to be present, helping her with the electronics at every call.
6. At first, she used to watch television a reasonable amount. However, all the time sitting created reoccurring back aches. She refused the options the doctor suggested because it was too uncomfortable for her. She couldn't figure out how to change the channel on the cable TV. Too many steps on the remote.
7. She got to the point where she couldn't watch TV. At first, we switched the TV to close captioned, however, eventually she couldn't read fast enough.
8. When we went to a restaurant, she was ready to go as soon as she finished eating. She would barge in on the table conversation "Is it time to leave yet?" This was partly due to the hearing aid situation.
9. She refused to wear both hearing aids because she claimed she didn't need both of them, even though she admitted she heard better. Then she would ask people to restate what they said and accuse people of not asking her to join them. She was required to wear both hearing aids when she went to senior day care. After a month, she lost one of them. It was too expensive to replace, especially given the fact that she didn't want to wear it anyway.
10. You can hire caregivers to help you. However, the quality varies a lot. Some are just plain mean (yelling and "do it my way") and some will not initiate activities unless you have it laid out in advance.
11. My Mom would "hide" money so that it wasn't easily accessible. However, while the caregiver was around, my Mom would instruct the caregiver to check to see if the money was there. My Mom would also say that it was okay if the caregiver did something, then be completely innocent when we found out that a "rule" was breached.
12. Vetting out care givers is an exhausting, on-going task. In addition, there is the cost of your time of getting the caregiver acquainted to your Mom, ensuring the values of the caregiver and your household are aligned, and securing your house of its valuables. If your Mom has different values than you, that is even more problematic as your Mom now has an able-bodied accomplice.
13. Personal care like toileting, bathing and brushing teeth. Use of soap, towels and paper goods...it's like the first days of a marriage.
14. Personal loss of self-esteem
Its not an easy one way to figure out. Taking on your mother's last days on earth is a huge commitment.
My mother passed away Three years ago to old age. She was 94 years old when she passed. It was and is a honor to have taken care of my mother. Caring for her was not always easy. The only Advice I can give you is if she needs to assign you as her Power of Health and Attorney. Then you can go back to Medicare and apply for you to be her Caregiver at your residence. They will assign a Caseworker so can talk to them about Program s that will assist you For In Home Care.
It is worth looking into to, Every State is different but it is available to you and your mother. Department of Human Resources can assist you. It's a little bit of research on your part but you can do it!
My heart and prayers go out to you and your Family.
Antonieta
Then, expect she will need to have somebody with her for the majority of the daytime - when she is awake - and when you are not with her. That is why she needs assisted living and not independent living. You will need somebody to be with her - at the very least - while you are at work. Check with home health agencies, A Place for Mom, skilled nursing facilities for day programs, and independently run adult day programs. Get those prices now and see how much you will have to pay out of your pocket.
Expect it to take longer to do everything. She will move slower and need more time or every task she does. It will take longer to get out of the house together. It will take longer to shop together. Doctor's visits will take longer. It might help to do a few dry runs of a couple of these types of "outings" before you need to work them around your work schedule.
Unless your last name is Dupont or you are related to the current King of Bahrain, the word " inheritance" needs to be eliminated from your vocabulary. Mom's money is to be used for her living expenses, not for kick back to her kids. OP definitely needs to get in touch with an elder care attorney specializing in Medicaid. You can one on their website: https://nelf.org.
Good Luck!
From my research I found that Medicaid will help pay for home and nursing home care for people who have no financial resources. In Ohio it does not cover Assisted Living fees or Memory Care that is part of a AL facility. Some AL facilities will accept Medicaid for a resident who has lived there at least 2 years but they may be moved to a smaller or shared room. Remember, most of these facilities are For Profit not charities.
Your mom will have to be assessed by a Medicaid representative to determine what kind of limitations she might have. She might be qualified to have in-home care. In that case you will have to work with agencies that are approved by Medicaid which may limit your choices.
If your dad or mom was in the military during a wartime she may be eligible for a VA pension called Aid and Attendance. Mom got $1250 a month from Dad's service even though he did not qualify for a regular VA pension. It's for those with limited resources and there is a lot of paperwork involved but well worth it.
You also should get appointed your Mom's POA and Medical POA. EVERYONE you deal with will want a copy of that document and you will not be able to do much without it. Not even verbal approval from your Mom is adequate in most situations. It's a pain but good to know the protections are in place for the elderly.
1. Falls. If she is mobile, she is going to fall. If she uses a walker, expect her to step away from it from time to time and that will be when she falls. Expect it. ACCEPT that you CANNOT prevent her from falling unless you are sitting and staring at her 24/7 and are within a few inches of her to catch her whenever she falls.
2. Stubborness - refusal to shower, use a walker, take meds, etc.
3. Increasing dependence on you for everything and demands of your time and attention.
4. Complaining. It's what elderly people do.
5. Accusations of you stealing from her - that's what they do when they've misplaced something.
6. Absolute FRUSTRATION in dealing with Social Security, Medicare and insurance. Mountains of statements and bills that make no sense. People unwilling to talk to you due to HIPAA, even if the information you seek does not even fall under those laws.
7. Unhelpful relatives offering unsolicited advice, yet zero hands-on help.
the shower is always a bone of contention. Think twice, if she is having memory and cognitive issues. Take the time to investigate everything the Alzheimer’s association offers. My prayers are with you .
Medicare pays for hospitalization and certain other medical expenses. Medicare will pay for home health care follow up by a nurse and/or physical therapy only if deemed medically necessary and ordered by her doctor. Even so, it is for a limited time period and is certainly not every day or for several hours. It is not daily home care. It is medical care - not home assistance.
I am skeptical as to why your sibling is telling you that your LO would not qualify for Medicaid. You say she only has her social security which suggests she has few if any other financial assets/resources. If that is the case, why would she not qualify? If she does have assets, she will have to use that money first. I suggest you get the true picture of what she is eligible for by speaking with your state agency that helps with senior affairs and by reading the Medicare handbook for 2022.
This is a huge undertaking on your part and it sounds like you will have very little help if any. Think long and hard. There may be a better solution.
your mom is 92, does she not qualify because of her health is good? That when they do the Medicaid screen but she doesn’t pass that?
Do you want to know what could come at you from left field, it doesn’t get easier, .. it gets harder.
I would guess if I had placed my mother with me, and then want to move her to an assisted living or memory care, it would be very difficult. She wouldn’t want to make the move. She is in memory care now and asked to move in with me. There’s no way I could take care of her.