I'll start -
1. Just because I have aides come in and care for Mom, that doesn't mean I'm off the hook. I still have to coordinate when they don't show up/show up late. We are not spoiled for having them.
2. Your time is not your own anymore. Sorry I can't take that trip or go away for the weekend. Sorry I can't just meet up for dinner in the evening or do something at a moment's notice. My life is built around my mother, trying to hold on to my job and when aides come to help.
3. Yes, this is rewarding but it can also be boring. Lots of sitting and eating which explains my weight gain. Plus the non stop worrying about everything. This is not a luxury gig.
And continue to take good care of yourself cause it's a much tougher job when you don't.
Free time - what's that?
Take care of myself - Yeah, RIGHT!
exhausted - you bet!
worth it - absolutely!!!
I am personally grateful for all the caregivers who are willingly and lovingly caring for their loved one at a time when they need it most. Not all caregivers are caring for elderly people, many younger moms and dads care for handicapped children. Some middle aged and older care for handicapped young adults and do this with grace and amazing love. Thank you, to all who care for others.
May God bless you!
Yes this! I have no patience for those who whine about their stressful burden when their level of caregiving is comparably so minimal.
She witched when he took a nap in his chair. She witched when he would use their spare bedroom to build a table or shelf (woodworking was one of his hobbies). She controlled 100% of their lives and always did.
If shes “up there” observing what I do for MY husband, I hope this martyr and drama queen finally realizes how wrong she was and how good she really had it.
May God bless you all, and give us all strength.
As one being cared for (and me caring for my husband) I get it. I really do.
Love to all of you great people.
Buzzy
through financials, steal wallet, attempt to take car, become "friends" sell bogus
financial products, services, etc. So much time wasted on dealing with helpers who are more about helping themselves. Or other scams.
There was a short while when my father's helpers actually helped, were on the
up and up and often even cheerful and professional. I remember walking away
with tears in my eyes because having people showing up and doing their job and
not trying to steal or create drama was such a wonderful (and rare) experience.
Add on the incessant child like demands and then the time and energy requirements of actual medical care, mobility, incontinence, endless specialized products, speciality services, organizing, mending, etc etc. It is so demanding just to be able to do the job "well enough"
People who are taking their Mom shopping once a week or who have helped a parent move once or twice, think they understand and that their have real experience with caregiving. Demanding caregiving situations are a totally different experience.
Thanks for sharing.
My husband does not have the flexibility with his job so I am the one to do the communication and fill in when there are issues with aides or doctor and hospital visits.
We also are starting to feel like out time is not ours anymore. We either have to take Grandma with us (which is getting harder) or one of us stays with her while the other goes. Then we both feel bad and are not gone long if we do that.
I also have gained about 10 pounds and my husband has as well. My husband is starting to not have the patience with her that is needed and I know her state is not going to get better only decline.
This is not a luxury gig. We have decided that we will continue as long as we can but we are seeing strains on our relationship that we do not want!
While my 2 younger brothers go merrily on their way. One travelling the world and spending winters in California and the other working on a PHd on the other side of the country.
I guess I am resentful and bitter. Obviously need better boundaries, but if I don't watch out and care for these elders, I know they or their own adult children sure as heck won't.
I completely understand that we are all entitled to live as we see fit, but I also wonder if any of them have souls.
Without help can you actually take a bath and relax or was that noise something that requires your immediate attention.
Whoops! excuse me, I have to change her, clean the floor/carpet, and rinse out her clothes and hang them before doing the laundry. What were you saying?
Shoot the food is burning now because I got so busy.
Take notes and let me know how that show ends.
Dr. appointment tomorrow after noon! What else is in the area that I can take care of while out. (medical supply house, beauty parlor, etc.)
Ever had a brown torpedo slither out while cleaning up the last movement??
Change protective underwear twice in less than two minutes. Babies are not the only ones whose bladder is on automatic empty when exposed to air. Now I have to wash my face as well.
Why is this dinner plate in the planter? Where did you hide your dirty underwear this time?
What time is it? Time for more meds? Hers or mine.