Dad is 94 and is really bored. He never enjoyed reading or TV etc. He was always busy with handyman type jobs and could do things from installing central heat and air to rebuilding wrecked cars and RVs. He hates having to sit inside but is no longer very mobile and fine motor control is not great. We created a workroom in the house and gave him things to “work on”. He would rewire a lamp, fix toasters, rebuild a carburetor, etc. Now he only gets frustrated when he can no longer use his hands to work with screws and smaller pieces. He also has no interest in things he deems not having a practical use such as puzzles. Will not attempt technology. He always enjoyed church gatherings and was usually the driver for the church bus on adult outings. His small town, like so many others, is not what it once was and there is little opportunity for seniors and many families have moved away. He will not discuss living with me because I live 60 miles away and he has lived in his house for 70 years. My brother is not open to Dad living with him. None of the family wants him in assisted living and brushes off the idea, not thinking about the positives only the negatives. We do have sitters there most of his waking hours but not around the clock.
She now has bad arthritis in her back, knees and hands and neuropathy in her fingertips. She is more frustrated trying to puzzle as she can't pick up or place the pieces easily. She tries to sew on her machine or by hand but can't manage it. She does clean her house constantly, iron her sheets and clothes, still gardens a little, does some yardwork and brushes snow in the winter. All very slowly, but that's ok. I keep her in her home since she is more about activity than people. She'd be bored to death in AL.
When she complains about being bored in her home I challenge her to come up with ideas and she never does. It's probably part of her cognitive decline. Also she's never had to come up with ideas to entertain herself in her life. But I make it clear I'm not her entertainment committee. My husband and I still work and have local family and other commitments.
Maybe consider hiring a male companion aid for your Dad who can take him to places and attempt to do activities with him, even if it's playing cards or board games, chatting, etc. Can your Dad do any food prep or cooking?
My 2 very elderly Aunts had an excellent companion aid for 6 years. They shared a similar ethnic background, had the same political views, lived in NYC, and so had plenty to yak about every day, all day. I know guys don't need to yak, but your Dad may be more comfortable with another guy.
If he's already paying for aids, maybe he needs one that will do a little more work to find things they can do together. Maybe your Dad "teaches" mechanical stuff to the aid...? I get that he desires meaningful activity. An aid could help him find, clean and fix kids' toys,and then given away? (Nextdoor.com is a great place for this).
Your Dad won't be going into AL unless he consents to it or you will need to forcibly make it happen and I doubt that's what anyone wants. I'd keep him in his home and try to find him a male aid who will do stuff with him and take him places.
Good luck.
Children often take on a need to make things "all better". They want to think they are responsible for happiness. But they are NOT. They cannot change the face of aging any more than they could help their dad when they were toddlers and he sat pondering a table full of bills, unhappy at his inability to address them all in a timely manner.
Life if full of things taken from us, and so far well into his 90s your dad hasn't had his home taken from him. He may well die in his home and that is honestly the best you can hope for now. Aging is what it is. There are things now he cannot do, can only remember.
If Dad has the eyesite and if you can find a nice masculine type scrapbook and a box of pictures, ask him to paste in some for you to look at.
Other than that lame suggestion, this is the end of his life. A time for contemplation. Listening to a book on tape or CD.
Again, this isn't yours to fix. A whole lot in life isn't fixable. This isn't the first time your dad hasn't had life perfect. Ask him if there's anything you can do. Suggest some few things. And other than that accept the imperfection of this thing called living.