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My mom passed away last night after many years of dealing with dementia. This really isn't a question, but just a moment to say thank you to this community for the advice and for providing a place to look up answers for questions I didn't even know I had. Her end of life was peaceful and followed the path most frequently described in this forum. As traumatic as it was, I was able to be with her because I had read so much on here about what to expect in these last few days. Yet even as prepared as I was, I still didn't expect the end to come as quickly as it did yesterday. I do want to emphasize what others have said in that hearing is THE LAST sense to go. Mom had a real cognitive rebound this last week and knew who we were and was making jokes as recently as Wednesday. But when she was in her last hours and no longer showing any signs of consciousness, I played one of her most favorite songs: You'll Never Walk Alone, and as I did, one tear slid out of her eye, and then she passed 15 minutes later. I truly believe she heard that song as we had been there with her the entire day without seeing any sign of conscious movement, but playing that song made her cry. Please always talk as if they can hear your every word. I was shocked that the hospice nurse had come in that morning and said, "So you've stopped all her medications except for comfort, correct?" I just keep thinking how scary would that be to hear if you can not communicate anymore and it sounds like someone is talking about you dying. Anyway, thank you all again. If anyone has any questions, I am ok with responding as it feels better to talk about it.

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My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. She is beyond all pain and suffering now. God bless her and keep her. I hope you find much comfort and peace in your many memories of your dear mother.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom🙏🏽
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Reply to Beedevil66
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So terribly sorry for your loss. I'm glad she had those moments listening to her favorite song. Take good care.
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Reply to casole
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I am so sorry for your loss. You did all you could for her, the song was such a sweet idea. I hope you will cherish the memories and will take time to take care of yourself and recover now. A big hug to you.
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Reply to AnnaKat
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother. I hope you will find comfort in your memories of her. It was nice of you to play her song.
She sounds like a pretty amazing woman. Hugs to you.
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Reply to Rbuser1
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I’m sorry for the loss of a beloved mother. She was blessed to have your love and care. Wishing you much healing and peace in the days ahead
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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So sorry for your loss. Music always helps calm. I remember I put the Frank Sinatra CD on for my mom the night before she passed since I had a feeling.... and wanted her to listen to her favorite. Hugs
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Reply to CaregiverL
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I'm sorry for your loss. You gave her a beautiful ending. Your words made me cry. Don't worry about the comment by the nurse. If your mom heard she probably didn't know it was about her, as her mind was most likely somewhere else, a place she could hear music, not a stranger's voice. My mom's hospice sent in a choir of three women who sang for her. Her eyes were wide open. She was hearing, but could only respond by looking into a distance I could not go to with her, but could tell she was at peace to go there. Take care of yourself in your grief.
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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So sorry for your loss.

My Mom had closed her eyes about 2 weeks before her passing but she still responded when the nurses talked to her. She then would not get out of bed, I told the nurses not to force her. Then she could not swallow. She was transitioning. Took my nephew to visit her. I sang her favorite hymn " All is well with my soul". We left at 1:30PM, she was proclaimed at 1:50pm, 20 min after we left.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Made me cry thinking about that song. Might have to listen to it on the way to my volunteer "job" this morning.
I am sorry for you loss.

A side note on what the Hospice nurse said. I hope you will get a chance to tell her/him your feelings about the comment. Either in person or you will get a questionnaire or survey in a few weeks please mention this then.

Now another side note.
Do not leave the Forum. (Unless you want to)
You have learned a lot and there are others facing the same challenges you did and can use your point of view, your opinion, your knowledge so please continue to share what you have learned.
((hugs))🫂
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Reply to Grandma1954
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My sincere condolences of the passing of your Mom, but also good on you for making it as peaceful as possible for her and everyone. May you be comforted by loving memories and continue to have the peace of God that transcends understanding.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Well done. Playing the song was awesome.
You should always be proud of what you did for your Mom.
Sorry for your loss.
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Reply to Dawn88
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So sorry for your loss. ((Hugs)))
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Dear MyOtherMother
So sorry for the loss of your dear mum
Hearing her most favourite song before she passed, she must have felt so much love in that moment,
wishing you all peace
xxx
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Reply to Moxy234
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My deepest condolences to you on the loss of your beloved mother. How wonderful that you were able to both convey your love and share a moment together in such a profound way through music at the very end. ❤️🎶
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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My other mother,
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet mom.
The song you referenced was my high school graduating class song and is so beautiful. I am glad your mom got to hear it one last time as she lay dying.
I agree with you on choosing our words carefully when in the presence of someone dying. I have experienced it twice with loved ones. One 19 and one in his 80s. We do need to be reminded so we don’t waste a moment in ushering out the offending voice when they ignorantly assume they are not heard. It is so disrespectful. Especially from the medical profession who should know better.
Even if the dying doesn’t hear, it is upsetting to the family to be left with wondering if the callous words were heard as your post clearly explains.
Wishing you peace.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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