We are the primary caregiver for 2.5 years of my mother-in-law (she is 94). She lives in Assisted Living and we see her every day. My brother-in-law lives in China and sees her 3-4 times a year. He is constantly threatening us with lawsuits because he doesn't like a doctor or medication she is on or methods of care we are providing. He thinks we are trying to kill her. She is in seriously poor health and may pass soon. He is also threatening to sue her doctors. Do we have anything to worry about?
Personally I think he is causing problems because he can and it is so much easier to blame everyone else. If she is being taken care of by a physician and is receiving the best treatment possible, how can he sue you?
If it were me, I'd avoid rattling my crazy BIL and go about the business of continuing to take care of my mother-in-law. How sad for her. It would be my worst nightmare that I'd leave this earth with my family torn apart. You might talk to your husband about having him attempt to convey that to his brother and at least fake a little family love for their mother's sake so she can depart with some peace of mind.
It's said that the best revenge is to not do anything. So do not say anything to BIL to add ammunition to his threats and anger. Just continue being the best caregivers you can be.
Whoever is the POA has the legal right to make decisions over your MIL.
2) Contact a family law attorney. Most lawyers have free consultations before you hire them. Write down all your questions prior to your free consultations because they do time their sessions.
Hope this helps.
I know we haven't done anything wrong, but that may not stop my BIL from suing us. He has told us many times he intends to financially ruin us. My question is, is this possible? Do I have any legal grounds to prevent him from doing this?
If your brother in law was concerned enough about the care being given, he would hop the next airplane and be home in a flash to put things straight. As you can see he isn't doing it, so he is just throwing his weight around or trying to.
At 94 your mother in law has led a good long life and he has to face the reality that at some time she is going to pass away. You have her hospitalized and receiving medical care from a licensed doctor, unless she is being abused or neglected I do not think he has a leg to stand on.
People like this can live to make your life miserable, don't worry you are doing a good job!
I wish you, your mother-in-law and your family...peace.
My oldest sister did the same thing when our mother died. Mama had lymphoma (8 years), diabetes (27 years), one kidney, glaucoma(she was blind) and severe neuropathy. She had lost weight from a hefty 180 down to about 110 and was basically bed bound. Big sis was angry and threatening to sue the doctors, X-ray techs, nurses and hospital when Mama finally slipped into a coma while having yet another hopeless radiation treatment. We had a family meeting 3 days later and all agreed to disconnect, except for big sis. She then accused the rest of us of killing our own mother. She did go see several lawyers and none would take the case. She just had to handle it in her own way.
It's a shame that he's causing you concern at what is already a stressful time, but do your best to just let his ranting go in one ear and out the other.
If he were able to be objective, he'd see that the medical care of a 94 year-old should consist solely of making her as pain-free as possible.
As the others have already said in one way or another, don't let this stress you out. You are doing all you can do, and no one says it has to be "perfect" - well, they might, but that's their issue. ;-)
Validate his feelings of helplessness, and stay focused on your mother and your health & life.
Keep the faith. This, too, shall pass.