Realistically how often are you able to visit your LO @ the NH? It just seems that there are not enough hours in the day as most of us work FT in addition to having kids & other responsibilities. Of course we feel beyond guilty for not getting there every week now and feel it will just get worse with all this stress in the month of December. Lately we've tried to make it a point to visit at least every other week even though the visits are very short and the last one she refused to get out of bed to visit with us saying she just wants to sleep so the nurse suggested we just let her do that. I guess there is more of a vent than anything but thanks for listening :)
There was a ‘sign in’ book placed near the front door where we entered my mom’s hospice home.
We signed our name and the time of our arrival. They kept records of everyone who visited. They also had cameras in the common areas and the resident’s rooms.
I don’t know if this was related to coronavirus or not. We were required to wear masks when we visited mom. Only two visitors at the time and so on.
My brother was in hospice long before Covid hit and he was in a different hospice facility. I don’t recall having to ‘sign in’ there. Still, the staff always said hello to us as we entered.
No one wants to feel like they're less important than someone else's shopping trip or party.
Also going to drive down and visit on Xmas. Not going to lie it feels awful and I’m the only relative to visit that day . But it’s the right thing to do so I put on a cheerful performance. Afterwards I’ll come back to my Xmas decorated home and have Chinese takeout. Last year it was Chinese takeout and one shot of whisky. Anyhoo this is what I’ve worked out.
I hope the holidays improve for all of us!
Don't stay too long.
The only way to alleviate guilt is to set up times to go visit and then stick to that schedule. It doesn't have to be frequently, but once a week should suffice. You'll feel better in the long run.
P.S. Consider your LO’s state of mind. My mother (97, bedridden, advanced dementia) told me I visit too often which interferes with her parents’ visits. So I’ve shed a bit of the guilt when I miss a week. She often says she’s too tired to chat, having spent yesterday at lunch and a play with her friends, or having just returned from a trip, or having spent the morning shopping. It sounds as if she isn’t bored in my absence.
Staff is aware of residents that have family visit and one that have no visitors.
If all you can manage is 2 times a month then that is all you can do.
I find it odd that people that may have visited a parent a few times a year all of a sudden find it obligatory that they visit more often once mom or dad is in Memory Care, or a Skilled Nursing Facility.
Visit when you can for however long you can.
If all she wants to do is sleep let her do that, bring a plant or a tray of cookies for the staff (store bought).
(greet the staff when you arrive, say good bye when you leave. )
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