Put Mom in a SNF after a hospital stay for deconditioning and ongoing illnesses. She’s mid 80s I’m early 50s and can’t care for her on my own, and she REFUSES to pay for private care.
Her roommate screams all night in pain, it’s only been the first night of staying there, and she’s told me she won’t tolerate one more minute. I told her that I spoke to admissions and they will get her moved but the wheels are slow.
She wants to go to another facility but I know she will make it just as bad as this experience is. She’s experiencing a lack of control and doesn’t have her daughter running down the hall every time she rings the bell.
I suspect that on Monday things will be in full swing, the weekend is not the greatest time to be admitted I suppose, but any advice on this or insights would be appreciated. She can’t care for herself any longer and only wants me to do it. I still work full time and have a family of my own and the dynamic between us will not work.
I’ve always had to sleep with earplugs. Is your mom physically able to use them, till she gets a room change?
If not, maybe headphones like one wears to mow the lawn?
When in the hospital, I’ve been even had my family bring a white noise machine to drown out hospital sounds.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
I'm asking because if no one is her PoA and she doesn't have that sort of diagnosis, then she technically can check herself out (if she figures this out). So you will need to make sure that her medical team knows she can't go back into your private home, even though that's where she came from.
If she is in rehab then yes, it can be a less-than-optimal experience. My MIL was in a crummy, small one and she too complained of screaming at night (by the staff!) however, please be aware she may be experiencing a delusion. Maybe. But do follow-up on her complaint.
You can't care for her the way she romaticizes. She will need to pay for it and then will probably need Medicaid (and you can apply for her). I'm hoping she has all her legal protections in place (PoA, Living Will, Last Will, etc). If she doesn't please see if you can get her to understand she needs to do this or managing her care will become more difficult. She needs a financial PoA for sure as the banks are not very flexible. I wish you success in helping her and peace in your heart that there's no other viable care option.
She lives in her own home but expects me to do it all so she can stay there. She has an increasing case of self neglect, the list goes on. She wanted to go into the SNF rehab, specifically this one, but her phone calls are increasingly demanding of me to get it all changed.
Weekend admissions are very hard. Usually no therapy, everyone else seems to know the routine and you feel like the new kid at school. She's scared and anxious.
Be patient. "Yes, mom; they will change your room". "Yes mom, I'll look into that". Are there others who can visit or call? Friends, family?
Find out if there is a geriatric psychiatrist who visits. Get her/him on board to treat what sounds like anxiety and depression.
My brothers and I all worked full time and would not have been able to care for mom in the manner she needed even if we hadn't. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about the fact that your mom is in a supervised placement with medical oversight.