Should I get my wife a doll? Would this be demeaning to her as an adult who is living with dementia?

A woman in my mom's facility always has a baby doll or a stuffed animal with her. It seems to comfort her and make her happy. I would say yes!

I have seen 2 friend's moms who had dementia and it was very comforting to them.

So many good answers here.

I too had this question when my husband was exhibiting childlike behaviors. I talked to my therapist (yes, I needed one to keep me sane) about this matter and she said it didn’t matter what others thought. What mattered was how my husband felt about having a stuffed animal. If he liked it, awesome. If not, try something else. I got him a small coyote and he loved it. He kept it with him all day long, even in bed. He was happy, so I was happy. Now, my husband is in advanced stage of dementia. His fingers are contracting so much that he can only hold a rolled up hand towel to prevent him from digging his nails into his palms. But I am digressing …

Get your wife a doll. If she likes it and is happy with it, then you are doing yet one more thing lovingly for her. Don’t worry about what others think about her.

You are a good husband.

A woman in my mother's nursing home had a doll, not very realistic, a little too small, and rigid. She adored it. It had jelly on its face from her feeding it toast in the morning, she rocked it and loved on it just like it was a real infant, and she and I had many discussions about how babies keep you terribly busy, and oh, aren't they such fun, and so on.

She also had one of those realistic-looking cats, and she'd changed out her "babies" all the time.

My mother loved cats, and would talk all the time about how much she wanted another kitty, so I bought her a realistic-looking stuffed kitty, but not the top-of-the-line model the other woman had. I gave it my mother, and she said, "Why'd you get me a stuffed animal?"

So much for good intentions.

I'd say get your wife the doll, and she may take to it -- or not. Don't break the bank on it just in case she turns out to be like my mother, though. 😉

My husband was in the military, a blue collar hard worker, a carpenter, and a commercial boat captain. He has AD, and he enjoys stuffed animals. His collection includes; Babar, Popeye's Swee'Pea, Marvin the Martin, etc. Several etc’s. They are mostly in view at bedtime.

He doesn’t exactly play with them but places them here and there. He gently places the one that looks like a rat beside our cat while he sleeps. He shows interest and affection to these screwy things, (I'm not a stuffed animal or doll person). I'm grateful to see the usual tension and confusion in his face melt away when he’s moving them about. His face relaxes and the smallest smile appears. 

I'm a bulldozer when it comes to protecting my man before caring what others may think. This benign behavior, in his condition, is not a reflection of who he was or who I am, and if somebody thinks so, so what? If I didn't permit him these sad small crumbs of solace then THAT would be a reflection of me. He is a child. An innocent.

I respect the man he was by keeping him clean, fed, comfortable, physically healthy, and by not letting him walk out of the house with my clothes on. If when I'm preparing lunch he enters the kitchen wearing my clothes over his clothes while holding a flashlight in one hand and a bag full of wiffle balls in the other, then, like the song goes, That’s Entertainment.  

I have difficulty understanding your 3rd question.

I'll guess what you mean. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I think you are terribly disturbed about a number of gut twisting and frightening emotions that are, often conflicting. It’s normal.

First and foremost, of course you’re worried and heartbroken about the person you love.
It is not selfish to be disturbed about what this is doing to you. She was not supposed to change and dissolve away. You counted on her. She was the glue. She was in a sense you.
Your nucleus is upending and fracturing. 
Your relationship with others is changing.
You question how you’re going to manage those changes, but more importantly…
You may be wondering how you are going to change, what will you change into. Who will you be?

You may be having a difficult time with this heartache because it's new to you.

You may be a bit ridged with your ideas and expectations. It's understandable. You’ve gone through the looking glass, and it’s a cruel kind of h*ll in here.

We know what we know and crazy does not fit into our logical minds, and as an adult you suffer more because we are set in our ways. Our mental and emotional plasticity is not what it use to be. It's difficult because it’ll seem like you’re splashing around the deep end of the pool looking for the edge to hold on to while simultaneously caregiving, and maybe working, and you're alone.
To boot, sadly, some people you know will become strangers. Even this is an education that will serve you. Those people were always strangers. You will recover and have a different kind of wisdom, that is kinder.

Helpful to me is to try to detach when I could and observe my days like a kind curious outsider. I take deep slow breaths often. Music is medicinal.

Watch YouTube programs (i.e. Teepa Snow) and get educated on this subject. Try different support groups on for size, until you fine a good fit. You’ll find comfort for the time you’ll spend in this new culture. It's temporary.
And you’ll see how you evolve and come out of this a superior person.

All the best to you and your wife during this difficult transition. Be sure to get connected with caregiving networks and with a local social worker so that you know all of her and your options. At some point you may need breaks, help, and advice on what to expect with Alzheimers. My mother, who was an intelligent and very capable adult when at her prime, developed dementia, and went through many stages. At one point in her decline she enjoyed dolls and stuffed animals. Other women at her memory care facility also liked dolls. It's best to accept your wife for where she is day to day. You'll have to channel your own love for her, as her personality changes. Accept that she's doing her best and probably has little control over what is happening to her. Her condition is likely to decline over time, so you need to have a Plan B, if her care gets to be too much for you.

Baby Born Surprise Magic Potty Surprise

No it's not demeaning to find ways to comfort her. It's very loving. I do think that as she has dementia and you're at the onset of AD, that it may be time to look into long-term care for the both of you, while you still have the ability to participate in the decision process. This way, when the time comes when you are no longer able to care for her or yourself, you can be moved and still be together. Good luck.

Perhaps a Geriatric psychiatrist can help both of you.

First, I am sorry she and you are going thru this cruel disease at such a young age. I've already told my sons that if the time comes and I end up in a nursing home just to make sure I have a realistic looking stuffed dog - you can get them custom made by the way - and something to play my 80's music on and I think I should be ok. I say that now of course in my current state of mind, but I do believe those things would make me happy.

If she wants a "baby" then by all means, get her one. When we were young girls most of us enjoyed taking care of our dolls. I agree with the other poster not to get her one of those newborns. Maybe she would like one that is a bit "older," one that she can dress and fix her hair? I don't think any of that would be demeaning if that's something that she wants. And, it would make her happy and give her something to do.

You are a wise and devoted spouse, and she is lucky to have you.

As you wander this dark path with her, feel fully confident in trusting your own emotions when looking for ways to comfort and encourage her.

You know her more deeply and intuitively and lovingly than any one else, and your decisions, made with your sensitive attention, will never be wrong.

Yes, those of us who love the suffering suffer too, most likely even more than the object of your care. Take good care of yourself as you care for her.

She would want you to.

https://us.corolle.com/soft-baby-dolls-484/

Corolle baby dolls are quite lovely. I buy one for every child in my family. They are weighted, but not too heavy and come in a variety of skin tones etc.

I would encourage a stuffed animal, very soft and perhaps doll or baby size. I am afraid a realistic doll will play more into any obsession she may be developing with breast feeding, thus leading to her baring herself in public settings which may be disturbing to others. Just a guess.

Have fun buying her a baby doll! Get one as much like a real baby as possible and make sure it fits in the crook of her arm. Also make sure it’s not hard plastic but soft and cuddly. If it has hair, it should be soft and able to comb and brush and tie it in a ribbon. Your wife will enjoy the activity of caressing her baby. And the eyes would be lovely if they close when she sets her baby down to sleep. Make sure she gives the doll a name she likes.

In one residential facility lots of our ladies had a baby doll. Once one was brought in other ladies wanted one too. Rather than being seen as a child's toy, the babies took these ladies back to a happy, fulfilled time of life. Many people seem to go back to that time of life when they were happiest and for some women that was when their children were babies.

Ask her if she would like a baby doll. If she says yes, it would be a comfortable (non-living) companion for her to ease anxiety. Many people - without dementia - find comfort in all kinds of things things: pets, plants, projects, volunteerism...

My 100-yr old aunt with mod/adv dementia (and who was never married or had kids) has decided that a multi-colored stuffed llama is her "baby". We just play along as she treats it tenderly, like a baby. This is purposeful activity and good for her. It's weird as their LOs to watch this, but if it helps them...yay!

A few years ago there was a craze for porcelain dolls with fancy dresses, and it wasn’t really for little girls and dementia sufferers. They were on display in the living areas, not just tucked in bed for cuddling. Find one that’s more comfortable to hug than porcelain, and one ‘display’ outfit (eg a long christening gown) if you want to display. Then add on the OP baby clothes, and let your wife enjoy it all. Sounds like a really good idea.

Like many of us, grandchildren have been my own excuse for playing again with my own childhood toys and books. I’m sometimes a bit slow tidying up after the toddlers have gone home!

maybe a stuffed toy?

Terry, my granny loved her baby doll, it gave her untold hours of pleasure and contentment.

It also gave us something to connect with her about.

We would go to the thrift store and buy newborn outfits and bring presents for the baby. Then we could make a fuss, change her and it tickled granny to no end.

It was a life size doll, I have no idea what it was called. I am sure you can easily find one though.

I would find one that takes a bottle though and tell your wife that her milk is bad or something to stop her from trying to breast feed. That could be a challenge.

My mother was given a teddy bear to sleep with and it has given her a lot of comfort. She knows its not daddy but still loves it. Its worth a try.

I bought my dementia mom a 20 inch baby doll on Amazon. She played with it daily plus slept with it too. My daughter who is 33 years old thought it was strange but I did not care. It entertained my mother for hours. She was happy playing with it. Here is the Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00EPC9D9I/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

I think any of us dealing with dementia struggle with finding the balance regarding treating them like a child, which becomes necessary. It feels really weird but once they're advanced enough, that is really the only thing that can be done. They are no longer the capable adult they used to be. They need help with everything and become very childlike.

I'm going to keep this in mind for when my mom gets a little more advanced. Or one of those realistic kitty cats.

Good luck.

Your wife is so young for this. I would get her a doll. One as real looking as possible but not those ugly ones that look like newborns. There are prettier ones. By clothes too so she can change it. Blanket and diapers. Dolls help with anxiety. Dressing and undressing the doll will give her something to do.

Yes, get her a doll as many women with Alzheimer's feel a renewed sense of purpose when caring for a baby again.

Please don't feel it's silly, or apply your rules of normalcy to a disease that robs your wife OF all normalcy. Wherever she can find joy, she should take it.

Best of luck to you