He is 86. He has a pat history of abuse, but it was 50 years ago, so I thought it was safe to bring him into my home 4 years ago after his mild stroke. He is in a wheelchair b/c of poor circ. in his feet & legs. He is 75% deaf & legally blind. He processes slow, speaks slow, but he is NOT demented at all according to his doctor who he saw last week due to a cold. He spoke to both my daughter and niece (in their early 20's) in an extremely vulgar way, then grabbed my niece. Both young women are traumatized. This just happened yesterday and I too am still in shock and do not know what to do. I seriously do not think I can care for him any more as I cannot even look him in the eye. His only income is SS. He is a Vet. I need both immediate, short term and long term options...help us get him out please!
The VA has social workers that can help with housing assistance. Also there are shelters (not as bad an option as it may sound) that will take single males immediately and perhaps he can just stay in a shelter until you can arrange for social worker to pick up his case and find placement for him. Hope this helps.
they do not ever have to tolerate unacceptable speech or behaviour
you will not fail to support them
they have a right to feel safe, and especially in their own homes
I don't think you should continue to house your father. Actually, this is not because of today's upsetting incident; it's because of the history that you believed was laid to rest but that clearly, in fact, is not. The dragon is not dead. Do not keep it in your house.
Separately, I think you should discuss what has happened with the two young women. I think it will be more helpful to them for you to set out clearly where the boundaries are, where they were breached, and what options they have for dealing with it. Then listen closely to what THEY want to do about it.
Realistically, there is no need for there to be any further risk to them. If the man is wheelchair bound, there is no reason for them to go within hearing, let alone grabbing, distance of him. If they want HIM kept away from them, do that, and tell him unapologetically why. If they want to demand an apology from him, assist that; and if it's not forthcoming, condemn the refusal, too. If they want charges brought, I'd be very surprised and I'm not sure it wouldn't just disillusion them regarding the attitude of the authorities, but if they do then guide them through the process.
Above all teach them that when things like this happen they do NOT have feel harmed by them. What the old man did was disgusting, and unacceptable, and must not be repeated. But they have been disgusted and insulted. They haven't been harmed. It's very important that they see themselves not as victims, but as people who deal capably with, and react proportionately to, adverse and distressing events. If you can turn this into a confidence-building exercise for them, at least you'll wring some benefit from a horrible situation.
On top of that, these girls may not want to go public with their experience, and that is TOTALLY WITHIN THEIR RIGHTS. To make that sort of decision for them would be disrespectful if not totally rude.
Adult protective services should have some sort of crisis prevention team available, and if they can't assist you, they may be able to point you in the right direction.
Good luck, I really hope you find a way to take of this quickly and painlessly!
What he did is not called abuse, it's called assault. Talk to the girls and ask them if they want the police involved or not. The police may or may not take action, but it's the girl's decision to make since they were the victims. Although I'm not totally sure on this, I believe the police can sometimes remove someone in order to have a psychiatric evaluation done.
I am going to assume they do not want the police involved since neither girl has reported this incident. In that case, you need to call adult protective services ASAP and fill them in on the situation, and inform them he is no longer welcome in your home and you will not be involved in caring for him anymore.
And as far as "you will be jail next to him", let's just try to calm down a bit. He didn't abuse young children, these are adult who can make their own choices. Unless you somehow helped him assault these girls or lie about it if the cops ask you, it is in no way "aiding and abetting or even accessory."
Call the veterans administration to find out what benefits he may be entitled to. They probably even have an emergency procedure.
This seems rapid and harsh, but you don't want your daughter and niece to feel they can't come visit you because of their grandfather's behavior. I hope you'll be able to find something good quickly. Many hugs coming your way.