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My mom passed away today. I'm trying in the most inexpensive way possible still trying to meet her request for no cremation to set up a burial for her. It seems the cheapest is at the least $7,000. This is impossible for me. Any suggestions?
So many decisions, and lots of guilt issues. Once your loved one dies, I think the method of burial and remembrance is up to the survivors. If the cost of burial/funeral services/urn/plot/etc, is too great, then by all means consider something else better suited to YOU. In my husband's case, a year ago, I wanted only the best for him. That included having him cremated. I did not need calling hours, a hearse, etc. from the Funeral Home. I had calling hours at our church. The service also occurred there. His ashes were placed in an urn/large vase with cover that I bought the day before at Pier One. (LOL, it was on sale and quite lovely) His ashes were scattered ---again no cost. I now have only fond memories, an untouched life insurance check, and an empty vase. I had no intention of 'doing it on the cheap'. It was a classy event and met the needs of all of the living.
Have you looked carefully to see if your mom had any tiny life insurance policy(s). People of her generation are more likely to. Where I live, a person can have a burial account at a bank. I believe it can hold up to $1500 dollars and that money is not accessible until after death and not countable as an asset in terms of medicaid. Do you know if your mom had anything like that? If her resources could cover some of the amount, the funeral home may allow for a payment plan particularly if your downpayment covers their costs. I have seen people set up a gofundme to help with costs of illness and death, if she/you have a circle of friends that can help in that way. I am so sorry for your loss.
If cremation is an option (and this does not totally freak you out), please consider looking into body donation options for medical research. There are often no costs to the family at all. The ashes can be returned to the family in a couple of months - again, at no cost. One you might consider is MedCure. Their website has a lot of helpful information.
I am not affiliated with this one or any other. My father recently made this decision for his passing because he was not willing to pay many thousands for cremation locally.
My stepdad owned a funeral home. I am not sure where you are located but locally there are funeral homes that will provide minimal services for a more affordable price. Locally you do not have to enbalm the body; Since Covid 19 has eliminated services many have grave side services only; The locality may dictate the price of opening the grave; and type of vault; caskets start around $1700. You must discuss the cost with the director so that he or she can skip the usual "add ons " that cost money ( Signature books, use of the limo; hairdresser; cost of a minister. Musicians; DVD services; ) Still the best price I negotiated was in the $4000 range for a minimal standard funeral.
Ksouza, has not been back to comment and as it has been 4 days, likely has made a plan.
I attended a funeral planning for Elder Planners workshop on Friday. I am in Canada, so some things will be different here.
First, all services provided by a funeral home have to be itemized with the cost. There are very few mandatory items and some of those vary by cemetery. Vaults and grave liners are required in some communities but not all. They are required by some cemeteries for maintenance issues.
In Alberta there are two universities that accept bodies, but they only take ones in prime condition. They are used in their medical schools for training doctors and they do not want the aged, obese, damages bodies etc. Now there likely are more options for medical research and bodies in the US, but it still will be regional.
Grave plots in smaller communities are often much less expensive than those in larger cities, but there may or may not be a residency requirement to get in. This is to ensure the cemetery has room for local residents.
Funeral traditions, at least in Canada tend to be regional as opposed to religious. Here in the West, viewings, open caskets, and burials are much less common than on the East Coast. Here cremation, memorial services, delaying services to family from afar can attend (pre-Covid) tends to be the way we do things.
When my step dad died, he was cremated and the memorial service was held a week later at his Church. No viewing, no casket (cardboard casket used for cremation), no urn.
It may or may not be of interest, but Vancouver Island is home to at least 2 East Indian Crematoriums. There has been an Indian community here for over 170 years and early on in Cowichan and Port Alberni, the residents established crematoriums for their dead.
As of 2000 over 75% of the dead in BC are cremated the highest percentage in Canada.
If cremation or a green burial are against her wishes (those are the least expensive) I recommend looking at Costco for a casket. Yep, I said Costco. Most people are unaware that Costco offers some of the least expensive caskets available. My condolences for your loss.
yes there are many places like Costco and I even think other big box stores have caskets. just google caskets and do some homework or have someone do a search for you. Work with the funeral director and the church within your budget and if cremation is all you can afford, know that your mom will understand as long as you celebrate her life and make the ceremony about her life.
I agree with much that has been said here. Let your Mom have a hay-day detailing whatever she thinks she would like and tell her that you will keep that in mind. It sounds like you have already made some inquiries, so you know what is possible. Try not to stress over this because one thing nearly everyone agrees on is that the most important thing about a funeral is that you, the grieving child, do what helps you. If others want to see your mother have a big "do" let them know that they can contribute and you will use all contributions for the arrangements. Social Security will send a small check for funeral expenses. When the time comes, see how much there is and spend it as best you can. If all there is money for is cremation, have a cremation.
You do not have to go with any traditional arrangements. When my father, an avid amateur photographer passed, my sisters put together a slide show. They rented the church my parents had attended for a couple of hours (mall church, $100), used the PA system to play Dad's favorite record (Vivaldi's 4 Seasons) and put the projector on auto. It lasted for the length of the record. They then had a potluck. Dad was cremated, but photographs of him were there in the church. It was a beautiful service. All the pastor had to do was to greet the people and introduce the slide show. No sermon, no talk, just Dad's views of the world. People loved it. It did not cost Mom money she didn't have, and none of us needed to contribute much.
Just do what is in keeping with your means and your mother's life. It will be enough. Don't even think about borrowing money or touching your retirement funds to send off someone who is already gone. Quietly celebrate her life and honor her passing. It does not require much money to do that.
About cremation and/or burial: There is what I call a grass-roots organization that is a wonderful solution: I am in Calif and you can use this phone number for more information. The Central Coast Memorial Society My parents used it in Florida. It is a non-profit organization. They'll give you details and answer all your questions. My husband and I also will use their service. Many friends have used it. Burial or cremation, or ?? Give them a call.
You can also “rent” a casket from the funeral home if you’re going with cremation. I didn’t know about that until my husband passed away. But then I guess you need to have at least one viewing at the funeral home. There’s so many little charges that add up but ways to cut costs. Some funeral homes will work with you to keep expenses to a minimum. Best of luck-know your Mom doesn’t expect you to go into debt, she knows you loved her ❤️
You're right bout the cost of hidden charges. My hubby & I have pre-need. He's used his - but I cut out some little charges by doing them myself. - I shaved him, trimmed hair, -things I'd done for years - made sure he was "presentable", as always. I considered this a privledge, as it gave me time with him - gone or not. I also eliminated family cars - and I rode with him in the hearse - his request, our last ride together. Family had a hissy fit. He & I planned this together, he was laid to rest exactly as he wanted. But mine will be different - all in one day - no embalming, no viewing, no fixing up. My daughter & brother will have 15 minutes to "view me" for ID verification only, laid out on a table, covered with a sheet. My face will be washed, eyes & mouth closed. After 15 minutes, I will be put in cardboard box, and taken to the crematorum, my brother will push the button to start the process. When all is done, he will get my ashes, and dispose of them in the manner I've chosen. A small container holding small amount of ashes will be placed in my plot next to my husband - that way, it can never be used by anyone else. By doing all this, I have saved almost $8,000, to be disbursed to my daughter & brother, to help them find somewhere else to "move forward." Not a fortune, but it's more than what they would have otherwise. I know how this sounds, but I refuse to be put in the ground, Besides, if they dug my plot up , a portion of my husbands dirt would be disturbed - can't have happen, cause I've put things under the dirt -including a huge amount of money -I buried every cent of his life insurance money in the dirt on his grave. Paper money will rot, but if disturbed, pieces will be found. I see it as he had to die for me to get that money, - it was his death, therefore, his money. I could never use it without feeling selfish. It's my death, it will be done the way I want it done. No mess, no fuss, no hassle, for anyone. I will have done flown away.
We have Green burial in southern Indiana--- not too expensive... I am sure there are Green burials elsewhere. I believe the funeral homes are required to keep a body for 24 hours before burial.
Just a thought - if mom had any bank accounts, call the bank(s). Many financial institutions keep a very small - like $1000.00 - life insurance policy on their clients. They're given free of charge, with the hopes you'll buy more as time goes on. It's not much, but it might help defray some of the costs.
The least cost option, although not that easy, involves the cost of shovels, pickaxes, a simple wood box, a truck, travel to as remote as possible Public land, straps to lower the box, and people to assist you (dig the grave in advance, carry/lower the box) and be discrete. I would not do cremation if this was against the wishes of the parent. I have occasionally seen markers indicating this is done. I'm not sure if this option is on the list of responses so far.
Before his death, my dad told his friend, an elder in his church who’s also a funeral home owner, that all he wanted was a pine casket. My dad was a humble man and thought a plain wood box would skip the lavish, unnecessary embellishments of high-end caskets. He was always a diy thrifter. Both of my parents wanted a closed casket (embalming not required). My mother’s casket was about $4K with no charge for burial in state veteran’s cemetery. She passed before my father. When dad died, we reminded the funeral home that our dad just wanted a pine box(casket). That’s when we learned they cost $10K. My brother and I looked at each other, laughed, and said no way was our late father going to get his wish. We knew he had no idea what pine caskets cost. We went with the same casket model that our mom was buried in. No guilt feelings for my brother and I! Sometimes parents don’t know the cost of what they want once they’re gone. We knew our parents would never have objected to our decisions if they knew their plans and wishes turned out to be an unreasonable financial burden or cost.
I totally agree. I'm a caregiver for senior's with Alzheimer's. I 've learned the older they get, the more elaborate the service they want. It's their way of "being acknowledged" -I was here, I mattered. All they see in their mind is how well they looked lying in a $10k casket, all the people lined up out the door to pay last respects, rooms full of flowers. Never enters their mind bout the cost -they just want fancy. To me, death is a journey we will all take - with that last breath, you are no more. My grandfather was "so taken" with himself, no store bought casket would do. He built his own, very elaborate, detailed, out of solid oak. When he passed, he weighed over 200 lbs. Put him in a casket that weighed a ton- He had his service in his casket, but he was transferred to a plain pine box to be cremated in. The oak casket sat in his workshop a long time, but when the family sold the estate, the casket, being handcrafted, was auctioned off for over $20,000. Some people have more money than common sense. My point here is that the loved one is gone, if funds aren't available, why not choose cremation? Do it with no regrets, no guilt. Their soul has gone home, and you're left dealing, doing the best you can, in an impossible situation.
I wrote an article for the college newspaper 40 years ago about their medical department donate body program. I assume these programs are still in existence. At the time, at Wright State University in Fairborn, Ohio, you could sign up for the donate body program, and there would be $0 in expenses if you allowed the body to be used for medical science students. They had a small service and a memorial garden. Other than that, cremation is less expensive. I had a friend whose mother was cremated, and the remains were given to them in a paper sack, in which they buried under a crab apple tree in the yard, lol. My daughter in law was also cremated, and given to my son and her mother in a nicer box, which was then buried in a memorial garden. Hope that helps. I love looking for drastic but yet not too sketchy ways to cut costs for essential life expenses. It irritates me that there are few affordable options for things that are necessary. You have to think outside the box (no pun intended), and be creative.
Don't know where you live, but there are a group of monks in Louisiana who sell plain, cheap caskets (basic wooden box). Most funeral homes and some cemeteries try to rip people off. Have you shopped around?
Yes, this is at the Abbey. They do beautiful work. I live in Louisiana. They sell caskets but they aren't cheap caskets. They are made from cypress wood, not pine and start at $1700 and go up to over $2000.
I am alone and have already arranged my body to be donated to UCLA for medical student's education. There is no charge to anyone and the school handles everything. I carry a card with this information and the phone number for anyone to call and have them come get my remains. When they have harvested or used what they want and there are any leftovers, they are dissolved in a chemical so there is nothing to deal with. It seemed like the easiest, least complicated way to handle a situation without bothering others.
The cheapest direct burial I can find is almost $7,000 that is with me buying the casket and having had a plot already picked out and paid for in the year 1966. not sure how you come up with $1,700 it's just not the case
Do you shop online? Caskets, even very nice ones, are cheaper on line. I think even Walmart sells them. The funeral home is not the only one who can supply those. I think you can have one shipped to a funeral home of your choice. Find out from Walmart.
Donating a body to science usually means the remains are cremated after research is done, then the ashes returned to the family. So if you want to avoid cremation, this would not be what you want. But you might check and see if there is any other alternative if body is donated for research.
I hope you were able to work it out. It's been a long time and you have probably decided something by now. But if not, look for plot brokers and buy the cheapest casket you can find. We got a fiberboard one for my aunt at a mortuary for $800. Immediate burial was $1700. If you cannot do something like this and she had nothing to sell to pay for it, then you have to cremate or donate to science. If she makes requests that she has no money to pay for, then she gets what you can do. Don't ruin your life.
Any chance her or her husband was in the military? The veterans association has burial support. Check with your county Senior resource people. THey should be able to give you some avenue. Also check with the local coronor to see if they know of options for low income people. Be prepared to fully disclose your Mothers financial state. You could also try gofundme.com Candidly take a hard look at your own life and financial management. In the 21st century you cant come up with $7000 to bury your Mother. You have not been planning for this event? How are you planning for your own financial needs as you get older. Take this as wake up call. Learn about budgeting, how to better manage your money.
Regarding your second paragraph, I am not certain this is the most helpful response; you don't know the poster's financial situation or even how old they are to cast judgments about whether or not they can come up with $7000 for a burial quickly. I don't know many people who have that much money in savings for this kind of life/death event. I personally have encouraged my mother to save money towards a burial trust instead of constantly giving it to me or my brother; her own mother had a burial trust that made the funeral process much smoother for everyone. But not everybody has this type of forethought or, in these difficult times, the ability to set aside that kind of money at all. Please consider tone when responding.
I'm sorry for you're loss, and sad for your situation. Look at this as up-side down logic; A fund was set up on GOFUNDME.COM for George Floyd. This fundrasier has garnished, so far, OVER THIRTEEN MILLION DOLLARS - 13 Million in cold hard cash - for the Floyd Family - many, many members of the family -this is so far off the deep end of logic it ain't funny. My point being here is that if such an outragious amount of funds can be donated, then surely there wouldn't be a problem raising the $7,000. you need to lay your mama to rest with love, dignity, respect. My prayers are with you.
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In my husband's case, a year ago, I wanted only the best for him. That included having him cremated. I did not need calling hours, a hearse, etc. from the Funeral Home. I had calling hours at our church. The service also occurred there. His ashes were placed in an urn/large vase with cover that I bought the day before at Pier One. (LOL, it was on sale and quite lovely) His ashes were scattered ---again no cost. I now have only fond memories, an untouched life insurance check, and an empty vase.
I had no intention of 'doing it on the cheap'. It was a classy event and met the needs of all of the living.
I am not affiliated with this one or any other. My father recently made this decision for his passing because he was not willing to pay many thousands for cremation locally.
Good luck.
affordable price. Locally you do not have to enbalm the body; Since Covid 19 has eliminated services many have grave side services only; The locality may
dictate the price of opening the grave; and type of vault; caskets start around $1700. You must discuss the cost with the director so that he or she can skip the usual "add ons " that cost money ( Signature books, use of the limo; hairdresser; cost of a minister. Musicians; DVD services; ) Still the best price I negotiated was in the $4000 range for a minimal standard funeral.
I attended a funeral planning for Elder Planners workshop on Friday. I am in Canada, so some things will be different here.
First, all services provided by a funeral home have to be itemized with the cost. There are very few mandatory items and some of those vary by cemetery. Vaults and grave liners are required in some communities but not all. They are required by some cemeteries for maintenance issues.
In Alberta there are two universities that accept bodies, but they only take ones in prime condition. They are used in their medical schools for training doctors and they do not want the aged, obese, damages bodies etc. Now there likely are more options for medical research and bodies in the US, but it still will be regional.
Grave plots in smaller communities are often much less expensive than those in larger cities, but there may or may not be a residency requirement to get in. This is to ensure the cemetery has room for local residents.
Funeral traditions, at least in Canada tend to be regional as opposed to religious. Here in the West, viewings, open caskets, and burials are much less common than on the East Coast. Here cremation, memorial services, delaying services to family from afar can attend (pre-Covid) tends to be the way we do things.
When my step dad died, he was cremated and the memorial service was held a week later at his Church. No viewing, no casket (cardboard casket used for cremation), no urn.
It may or may not be of interest, but Vancouver Island is home to at least 2 East Indian Crematoriums. There has been an Indian community here for over 170 years and early on in Cowichan and Port Alberni, the residents established crematoriums for their dead.
As of 2000 over 75% of the dead in BC are cremated the highest percentage in Canada.
My condolences for your loss.
You do not have to go with any traditional arrangements. When my father, an avid amateur photographer passed, my sisters put together a slide show. They rented the church my parents had attended for a couple of hours (mall church, $100), used the PA system to play Dad's favorite record (Vivaldi's 4 Seasons) and put the projector on auto. It lasted for the length of the record. They then had a potluck. Dad was cremated, but photographs of him were there in the church. It was a beautiful service. All the pastor had to do was to greet the people and introduce the slide show. No sermon, no talk, just Dad's views of the world. People loved it. It did not cost Mom money she didn't have, and none of us needed to contribute much.
Just do what is in keeping with your means and your mother's life. It will be enough. Don't even think about borrowing money or touching your retirement funds to send off someone who is already gone. Quietly celebrate her life and honor her passing. It does not require much money to do that.
My parents used it in Florida. It is a non-profit organization. They'll give you details and answer all your questions. My husband and I also will use their service. Many friends have used it. Burial or cremation, or ?? Give them a call.
They also have a cemetery on the grounds.
Donating a body to science usually means the remains are cremated after research is done, then the ashes returned to the family. So if you want to avoid cremation, this would not be what you want. But you might check and see if there is any other alternative if body is donated for research.
Candidly take a hard look at your own life and financial management. In the 21st century you cant come up with $7000 to bury your Mother. You have not been planning for this event? How are you planning for your own financial needs as you get older. Take this as wake up call. Learn about budgeting, how to better manage your money.