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((((((maiden))))). I agree with geewiz. Moving them closer would be easier for you.

Sometimes the options aren't great - just better or worse. They could not stay in their own home so have to be in a facility.

Can you do a meds review with dad's doctors. Is either of them on antidepressants? Often appropriate meds are a big part of the answer at this stage.

Does the staff there think they will improve in time? It does take a while for seniors to adjust. I am a distance caregiver too and am a 5 hr drive away from mother. Fortunately she has been well looked after in the ALFS and now an NH, though she hasn't always thought so.

I am sure this is very hard on you as well as on them. Please keep us updated.
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A couple of other things I thought of, from my own experience.

My husband went through a period of wanting to go home. He'd pack a little gym bag with his valuables. The thing is, he was at home, the entire 10 years of his dementia. This phase eventually faded away, except when he was extremely tired.

My mother seemed to get along well in the NH. She cooperated taking showers (which never did for us), went to activities, like the meals. But nights were very difficult for her. For a couple of weeks I went in every night to be there if she woke up. I could reassure her that she was in a safe place and that there were plenty of kind people there to help her if she needed it. If she did need to go to the bathroom, I rang for assistance, so she would get used to the staff helping her. After I stopped going at night she'd still wake up and moan, "where are my daughters?" and the aide would say all four of our names (written on a white board in the room) and that we were in our own homes sleeping, and that is what she should do, too.

Sometimes it is better to detach and let our loved ones get by without us constantly being there. Sometimes frequent presence can speed the process of accepting this as a safe place. It is a hard call.

It took Mom about 2 months and pill at bedtime to be fully comfortable in her nighttime environment.

The NH is in your parents' community. Are there people who could visit? Dad's old hunting friend, Mom's hairdresser? A spiritual leader?
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Maiden, put the guilt at the door step. You did the right thing. Please realize it has been only two weeks.

There is a lot for your parents to get use to.... such as the noise is different to them, the lights that come in the windows at night are different, their room is different, the food is different, there are too many new faces to learn, and new time tables, and they feel they are around too many "old" people when they themselves are the same age if not older. It's a realllllly big learning curve.

Do what Windyridge above is doing, detach. Don't visit for awhile. Let them adjust on their own terms. And for you to adjust. Hang in there.

This is just my opinion about moving elders closer. I think it is better that they remain in the same community. Thus, when the news comes on, the anchors are talking about places that the elders know. Same with the local newspaper. And the other residents are usually locals, too.
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This is heart-breaking. I'd cry all the way home, too. It really wouldn't help a lot knowing I was doing the right thing. That rational thought might kick in after the emotional outburst, but an emotional reaction seems totally to be expected. What you are going through is "normal." And sad

Most residents do eventually settle in (and forget they ever objected). Perhaps being in separate rooms might even help. They could still eat together and do activities. I think many residents take more than 2 weeks to adjust. Have you talked to the Director of Nursing and the Social Worker?

Advocate for your father's pills to be adjusted. It might be a little inconvenient but the NH should be able to dispense meds on the schedule they need to be on. Have you met the NH's doctor yet? If that is who is now treating your parents it would be good to talk to her or him.

You are considering moving them after Medicaid is approved? Does that mean there are suitable facilities near you that will take Medicaid, but don't take Medicaid-pending?

If your parents settle down where they are and then have to be disrupted to start all over again, this gruesome transition period may be repeated. On the other hand, being able to visit more often and get to them quickly in emergencies is valuable. This is one of those weighing the pros and cons of each options situations. Neither is perfect. Which one is better?

Remember that your parents' infirmities are Not Your Fault. That your parents need skilled care is Not Your Fault. That none of the care centers near you accept Medicaid-Pending is Not Your Fault. That your parents aren't settling well is Not Your Fault.

This is a heartbreaking situation. There is no way that you can avoid feeling sad, angry, frustrated, powerless. But please don't add guilty to the mix. You are doing your best and your parents are lucky to have you.
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Maid, it’s terrible. I am going through the same thing with my folks. They’ve been in care since early December, are starting to adjust but not happy. Both have dementia but at different stages.

I found that I had to detach, stay away and let the staff do their thing. My presence just reminds them of all things home and makes them worse.

You have to ride it out. As hard as it is we know our folks cannot be home. We can’t fix this for them or make them happy. Pull back, keep in touch with staff. Caregive from  a distance for awhile.
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Maiden, you were right to put them in a skilled nursing facility. For your own sake, I would look for one closer to you.
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