My dad has vascular dementia and is showing a downward progression in cognition; however, when I tour memory care units, he seems to be way more functional, social and "with it" than the residents we see. How do I know if he could like with my mom (non dementia) in assisted living as opposed to having to place him into the memory care unit?
However, there are major differences in AL facilities. The first one where my mom lived basically provided a beautiful apartment with housekeeping services, three meals per day, occasional entertainment and activities, and help available at the push of a button. Mom spent much of her time sitting in her chair with little interaction with staff, and interaction with other residents only at mealtimes. A few months ago I moved her to a different AL facility where there is a much higher level of assistance. Staff helps her dress in the morning, prepare for bed, comes and gets her for activities (there are two or three things each day ranging from exercise to sing-alongs to bingo and trivia, etc), and checks on her during the night. She has contact with staff at least six times each day in her apartment, in addition to meal times. Although the move was disorienting to her for a few days, she has adjusted well, and no longer remembers that she moved.
I encourage you to visit several AL facilities, talk to residents and staff (not just the marketing person), ask if there are any family members of residents you could speak to, sample the food and wander around for a while to observe the staff in action. Try to determine if your dad if functioning at a level similar to the residents there. If your mom could move with your dad, it would probably make his adjustment easier. Most facilities offer a "second resident" rate which is a fraction of the basic rate.
The independent nurse was contracted by them so she was well versed in level of care the facility and different units could offer.
I also visited before hand a couple times and talked with residents and their loved ones to see what their experience was on both AL and dementia care unit sides. The staff also try to accommodate higher functioning residents when they can; but most loved ones admitted it was up to them to ensure the extra stimulation or outings because the staff and activity level are geared to the "majority" -- just like in a classroom...