What is the point of my mom wearing a "panic/fall button" when she bangs the thing into everything she walks by (including but not limited to her own walker??) She is bent pretty much in half, due to osteoporosis and just refusing to do her exercises. So she walks bent over, the button hanging on the string and it gets bumped and often sets off the alarm as if she has fallen. Then the calls begin. First a siren goes off in her apt, and someone comes on the line to ask if she's OK. She often doesn't respond. Then they go down the calling list. First my brother (with whom she lives, so luckily we've avoided about half of the calls--) but if he is not home, then they call my sister who is a good 25 minutes away, then me, I am 5 minutes away. Even if they shut off the alarm and my brother assesses her and tells them she's fine, the co calls all the people on the list and tells us she's had a fall but that she is OK, or in just one instance, taken to the ER. My poor hubby--the phone is on his side of the bed and he has answered quite a few of these calls. I hear the phone ring at 3 am and my heart starts to race. Turns out she got up for a drink and smacked the button on the counter top. So at least 5 people are awakened several times a week for nothing more life threatening that the fact she won't tuck the thing inside her nightgown (she likes people to see that she wears one...she's a little theatrical about these things to say the least). My sister set this up and she is not even ON the list of people to be called. Funny thing, she sent it through the washer AND dryer and it didn't go off. I asked my bro. is he thought maybe she is looking for more attention by deliberately setting it off and not responding to the person who calls her...and he just sighed and said "That's entirely possible". Anybody else have this situation? After the W/D episode, I began to wonder if she isn't showtiming a little for us? She is quite passive/aggressive--and she's manipulative enough to do just that for attention. I rarely see her..actually am taking a month off for my own sanity--but my heart goes out to my brother!
I am so sorry for your loss, pvgdg..but sandwich is right, we can't play the "if only" card. Our loved ones will fall, whether we're standing next to them or 3,000 miles away! They'll do things we'd rather they didn't and they will make choices we don't understand--it's sadly all part of life and the declining state of our loved ones.
I think all of us are trying to find the best "product" to help notify us of falls. Sadly, even with the alert system on, my mother still falls. Your mother likely would also still have fallen. I personally HAVE done all the things you mention, to keep mother safe, but still find she has snuck throw rugs back into her place, still forgets to wear her panic button, etc. I refuse to feel guilty that I haven't "done enough"....short of forcing her into AL, I'm personally doing all I can, as are most of the people who commented on this thread.
There must be a black market in surveillance gizmos and a dodgy surgeon I could bribe, surely..?
There are webcams throughout the house at floor level. Whomever is checking on them can see if they are walking around, fallen, haven't moved out of the chair or bed, etc. But the cameras wouldn't show them nude or anything indecent if they were standing or sitting normally.
The lights were all on timers and remote controlled. There was an intercom. Remote door opening & locking (like OnStar for a house). I think it had other automation put in to turn off the stove or shut the fridge. It was really "Jetsons" ready!
One more thing on falls. On July 26 my 93 year old MIL had a heart attack, stroke and fell/collapsed in her independent living apartment. She did not have a fall alert, cameras, or someone checking on her more than once a day. By the time people are in their nineties they need more than once a day checking. She lay there for about 18 hours before she was found. The fall could have happened anywhere, but because she chose independent living, we want to blame ourselves or the facility? No, I do not agree with that. Instead we can choose, yes choose, to realize that this fall was not our fault or anybody else's. It is one of those things that happen and often.
MIL spent the following week in hospice care and passed peacefully a week later. She went on her terms and at her time. It was nobody's fault.