The nursing home is holding my Mother "hostage" with a POA that was forged. Any help?

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The nursing home is holding my Mother "hostage" with a POA that was forged. Any help?

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The "guardian" told my Mom she would be released to me before my sister presented the forged POA.

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so what authority does this "guardian" have?

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I agree with Babalou,
You've been offered so much good advice by many people here and refused to take notice.
As I've stated before I hope your M stays where she is for her sake. It will keep her safe.
I don't know whether your delusional or just in complete denial but as you clearly don't really want help I'll cease to follow this posting.

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I'm still here, eager to hear how your appeal goes

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Appealing to Appellate Court, then Supreme Court.

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I can't forget how when I had very little time to see my Mom she looked like an invalid, now she looks like she wants to live, but my sister keeps her in a NH with a forged POA and my mother said she didn't sign it. She belongs with family, not strangers - family 'til the end, or beginning of everlasting life.

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I'm just dropping in reading this last post.

Family to the end, you say? Most families don't have the strength, determination, set-up or means to care for family at home. Some do, of course. But too many families are blind to their loved one's isolation at home, their physical limitations, their need for stimulation, three healthy squares a day, association with their peers, smiling faces, cheerful good-mornings. And much more.

Some are actually insistent in wanting to keep their loved ones at home long after it makes sense in order to resolve their own ambivalent feelings towards their loved ones. To have a place to live. To conserve the money their loved one saved for a rainy day. Long after it makes sense, and long after the best interests of their loved one are being served.

I read that between the lines here every day.

I can't imagine what you'd be appealing to the appellate and then Supreme Court. Seems like you'd use alllll that energy and angst to enrich your mom's life right where she is.

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I was curious as to whether you prepared your own appellate brief and if you made oral arguments?

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you have appealed? did I miss this somewhere? hope they don't have as much against you, like the lawyer I heard say this yesterday, who said he didn't pull out his big guns yet; saving that for appeal in case they decide to

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Uhthread Momlover123 says that she wasn't able to get legal counsel and was proceeding in the appeals pro se. That's why asked about the written briefs and if they had oral arguments yet.

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I cannot see this case going any further and definitely not to the Supreme Court.

I am confused about your sister. On another thread you wrote that she's been guardian for 30 years!

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Momlover, could I mention a case in my knowledge of a dying cancer patient wanting to go home, to die in his own bed, with family around. Family insisted and he was taken home against medical advice. His condition rapidly worsened, they called paramedics, ambulance etc and he was rushed back to the hospice suffering terrible pain. He died very shortly after arriving. In all the crazy confusion the family members were not able to properly say goodbye. It would have been much wiser for him to be where medical help was close at hand and family could actually concentrate on praying with him.

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why wouldn't hospice work with him at home; thought that's what they were supposed to do; what they did with us with my dad

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Hospice can either be in a facility or at home. It depends on who the provider is and family preference.

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All thank you for your concern, but my mother is not at the hospice stage.

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that was for rovana; sent you a msg

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Thank you debdaughter. I'm sorry for any confusion. My sister is agreeing to move my Mom from NH with me now as I will be moving to a larger apartment.

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Glad to hear that. I just got in on this thread and was saddened by the beating you took here. The pivotal fact that your mother stated that she wants to be with you IS the most important thing and the love that you have for her is obvious. I faced a similar fight and won and I'm thanked every day for it. Have faith in your decision, even if the future is uncertain. Surround yourself with those who love and support you.Take all of the outside help you can find. God Bless.

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Elizabeth49 I'm very confused by your response here " I just got in on this thread and was saddened by the beating you took here" If you follow this thread from the start you will see that "Motherlover" was given the empathy, compassion, love and understanding that people on this forum offer each other. She consistently denied anything that doesn't match her viewpoint.
In the end given the tone of her writing and her refusal to engage in the realities of her Mother's dementia, some of us had grave concerns for her Mother's safety.
As one of the people who offered support and eventually withdrew I'm saddened that you misunderstood what has taken place here.
My empathy, concern and compassion is for ML's Mother who is to my mind the truly vulnerable person here.

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I think none of us who aren't actually can really know the situation - as someone in a similar circumstance can attest to - how do we actually know what her mother's state is? the one thing I don't really understand, though, momlover, is how is a bigger apartment making that much of a difference? not that it couldn't, in one sense, because that was an issue I was concerned about with my dad, was the size of my house, but ultimately not sure how much would have mattered

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but also did she ever get her medicine for her dementia?

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I deeply love you all and I actually feel it in my heart. My heart is not just there...I feel that you care. My mother's NH environment denies her the opportunity to "age in place" in home and community. She is incapacitated before her time. Her dementia is categorized or marginalized under confusion and forgetfulness - nothing more.

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So, Momlover123, your sister has agreed for mother to live with you, and you will not be pursuing your court case?

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It is costly to keep pursuing partial guardianship for medical and financial needs when my sister already has the POA and in retrospect I would not have gotten free legal assistance to get this far if anyone contests my partial guardianship. Partial guardianship was suggested by my Mom's physician at the NH.

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My sister and I are two out of my mother's five older children that will take financial responsibility and care for my Mom as we were raised in a dysfunctional family as my father IMO suffered PTSD ,,, :(:( :( from WWII (while a MP and colored) throughout raising my oldest brother born in 1948 to myself born in 1961. My Mom lost her parents when I was about six or seven in a tragic car accident and my father divorced her and got custody of all her children when I was about 13 as she was left penniless and in and out of mental institutions with mild diagnosis' just to live .. In 1985 my sister was married, owned her apartment building, and employed as she cared for Mom for 30 years until October '14. My sister cared for my Mom years beyond raising a child -- my sister is a phenomenal woman, but my mother won't know happiness until she is with family. I can't leave my Mom now I am an adult.
My Mom needs us to stay on good terms. God has brought us this far and He will take us further in the future through thick and thin.

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LucyCW I didn't mean to be so blunt. And I'm reading your responses I can see that you were supportive of this poster. But she did take a few unkind hits from others and I know what that feels like when you're overwhelmed and scared. No personal offense was meant, and I'm sorry if I came across that way.

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Thanks Elizabeth49 I'm afraid your previous post caught me at a tough time and I took it more personally than I normally would. Yes she did get some rough/undeserved comments as well as support.
I'm sorry that you've not always got the support you should have either.
Hope things have turned a positive corner for you, but if you need someone to listen message me and I'll try. Lucy

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Immediately contact your local office on aging. The library can help you get the number. Every state and possibly county has one - report here for elder abuse. And be prepared to get a good eldercare attorney. Also threaten to sue the nursing home - that often scares them. In addition, contact your state capital and ask for the Governor's office. They have people who can refer you to the right agencies who can help. And be prepared to "prove" the POA is forged. Good luck. It takes effort and work but this can be made right.

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Just FYI, the original post was more than a year ago.

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Ditto on everything above. Eldercare atty is definitely needed, saved us. All Asst. Living and nursing homes give mediocrity care. Most care staff are minimum wage with no benefits because AL and NH allow less than 40 hr workweeks so they don't have to give benefits. We ARE our family member ADVOCATE. They do not do their duties- short staffed all the time, so you have to keep on the staff, by reminding of the care not given, and their supervisors and administrator. BUT do it with kindness, and know who was on staff and assigned to your mom that shift. I've been thru it all home and ALZ-Memory care for 5 years. No "one" person can do it all, all alone. It takes YOUR life away and makes you sick and depressed thus, your own care would not be sufficient. She should stay in a facility where they have 24/7 care. And you be strong and go see her EVERY day, for QUALITY visits, in the gardens too at different times, and nights too. Keep a journal so you'll know what to talk to them about and lists of un-done duties, like not changing diapers, giving drinks, making sure they drink it, or setting a food tray beside a dementia or Alzheimers' patient and leaving the room! Really? These patients get to the point they can't fed themselves or even know what to do with the food tray!!! I thought they had regular training but it never shows. If you are mean/rude, demanding you'll get no-where. Oh and if bath is the issue, stay there until they do these duties or go back later to see if these duties were done. I wish you the best. Caregiving is the hardest most stressful job in the world. As long as you can see her everyday, it is not worth ruining your health, physical and mental.

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The nursing home is holding my Mother "hostage" with a POA that was forged. Any help?

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