His logical decision making seems off. He owned a midsized company and made huge executive decisions, often daily, but sold the company 3 years ago and seems depressed without a purpose except for family interactions. I'm very active and busy but he seldom makes plan to go out or be with people unless I organize or encourage it. He is engaged with grandchildren and enjoys that but never initiates anything himself. He has no hobbies except reading and helping me with mine like gardening. He's learning to help me in the kitchen but won't prepare a meal for himself, just snacks on crackers and peanut butter. When driving, he often misses his turn and must backtrack to get where he's going. He follows the vehicle in front too close. I've refused telling him where to turn or how to go forcing him to set the GPS or figure it out and not depend on me. Our intimacy has long gone years ago which makes me very sad, but he won't discuss it, just accepts it, and draws more distant. This situation has caused me anxiety and anger building up. I've lost my temper while he's missed the turn or made some dumb mistake and even shouted at him, I'm ashamed to say. I love him deeply, but my patience is being tested too often. I’m seeing a counselor next week to help me cope with some results of chronic health issues and hopefully bring up my relationship with my husband.
Some guys just want to finally do nothing after 50 years of non-stop blitzing. But I love that he enjoys working on the garden with you. Any chance a section of the yard could be dedicated to him designing, selecting, and planting his own patch? My husband got involved with doing that and the bonus for me is now I have a memory garden should he (likely) pass before me.
I know what you mean about hubby's driving. I have morphed into Hyacinth Bucket from "Keeping Up Appearances" over the past few years.. My Hubby has always been absent minded and has zero sense of direction. But I am losing my patience, too. He's the white haired guy going 20 miles below the limit, in the left lane with his blinker on for miles on end.... (sigh).
I think there is more here than being 80, quite honestly.
My partner is 84, and I almost lost him from a severe stroke a week ago last Thursday.
At this point, his being 84 and I being 82, I cannot say we don't get frustrated with one another sometimes (HOH and all; so "I TOLD you that;" "NO you DIDN'T" sort of thing.) But quite honestly, that's marriage, right?
As to intimacy, that is very much an individual thing, and if you are often frustrated with him I am not surprised he isn't reaching out for you, and is instead reaching for a good read before bed. I am not saying the aging body is "up for everything all the time" but there is a good deal MORE to intimacy than doing the deed. There is cuddling, snuggling, leaning into one another, taking an arm, sitting close and talking intimately. If THAT isn't there you will NEVER SEE THE OTHER again.
Again, I am glad you are seeing someone. To me he sounds like a normal guy in 80s. I am there myself. It's enough to walk the foster, do a bit of gardening, a bit of shopping; we often don't even eat the same things at the same hour with his GERD kicking in some years ago. We are "content". Will we ever have the lyrics of "Young love, first love, filled with deep emotions............" again? Nah. That's fine.
You are, I think, jumping in and on him way too much. We don't much like GPS either. And we don't much like to drive at all after dark. Things change. I call that normal. If you truly think there is some cognitive decline starting play around with the SLUMS and MoCa testing, and etc. Go get tested by a neuro-psyc together. Because hey, it's a date. That is how, post the stroke in which the clot busters worked 100%, we are calling our forays out to see the docs together; dates.
Go with grace.
You are always welcome here on the forum. Please let us know how things turn out. I'm glad you are seeing a counselor to help you along this journey. Best of luck to you.
Sounds like a support group, would really help you,
Welcome to are forum!
Your and your husband's age? Health issues all that will make it easier
It would be much help to use if you can go back to the profile page and fill it out so we know more.
If there was a reason I couldnt , it would be my fault, and we are a team no matter what.
With the situation you are in, I think life would be easier for you to accept, the lack of it, and fouces on other things, if you can't leave your husband, them accepting it is best.
I also want to add, retirement is very hard on people, RWS, Retired Wife Syndrome!! I had it , it's real.
I honestly went through a spell where I was worried about my husband issues after retirement, I think much of it was boredom, and well, I think he enjoyed the 60s a bit much. 🤭