My mom is in a skilled nursing facility. She has been there 9 weeks and has had 2 roommates since she arrived. The room she is in has 2 beds. She now shares it with a lady who has been there 3 weeks.
At first, it was ok, This roommate (like my mom) has dementia, she is a kind, gentle, easy going lady that is pleasant but confused. My mom tells me the roommate steals from her, takes her toothbrush, TV remote & tissue papers & opens her drawers & walks around at night in the room, At first, I did not believe it because my mom has dementia with paranoid delusions.She imagines things that dont happen.
Well, today I find out that last night my mom's roommate wandered around into a few other residence's rooms & had my mom's hairbrush in her hand.
They are now watching her closer. I feel bad because when my mom told me last week about the stealing, I didnt believe her due to her paranoia.
Over the past few days I have asked the social service's director IF we can get my mom a more suitable roommate & the response was we are full and once a bed comes available, we can let you know and move my mom.
Other than this issue, I am reasonably happy with her care there, & my mom is happy, she likes the staff, doctors & they treat her well. The facility is clean, the residence look nice & well-dressed. BUT with my mom's dementia & paranoia I worry that this roommate is not suitable for my mom.
The other issue, IF she gets another roommate, what happens when that roommate rehabs & leaves? I can't have constant rotating roommates, this messes with my mom's dementia.What can I do??
FYI. I have been nice to the entire staff, the DON, administrator, social services and anyone I see there I compliment them & thank them for doing all they do & I appreciate them. We had a care team meeting last week and took 4 dozen doughnuts with us & thanked them all for working hard to take care of my mom.
I told the social service's director today that I am happy with my mom being here & hope we can "fix" the roommate issue & we know that my mom's baseline now seems to show that she is needing permanent skilled nursing facility care & I need to consider permanent placement & choose your facility, but I hope we can fix the issue, so my mom can live in some peace without paranoia and constant roommate changes.
I didnt want to give ultimatums because I do not want to come across as difficult & this issue is a better one to have than rotten care. They do give her good care & for that I am grateful. And they know it.
But what if anything can I do?
I know nothing's perfect, but my mom's paranoia is bad enough without revolving roommates.
I know that not going to stop someone with dementia but at least the staff will know the who the labels belong to.
my cousin had the same situation. The revolving door is rooommmates. Well some were worse than others. Some would moan or yell for no reason or they got their hours all mixed up, awake at night…. So mom’s situation with a new roommate may not be better…
Hopefully they can get roommate to keep her hands to herself… and not take things that don’t belong to her..
Stay ‘in the moment’, find things to enjoy with your mother and in your own life, and cope with the current problems as best you can. That’s really all you can hope to achieve! Lots of love, Margaret
It’s a frustrating situation and unfortunately is a common occurrence in any nursing home environment.
You’re a wonderful advocate for your mom. Wishing you and your mom all the best.
Remember, the majority of staff is 8 or 9 hours of work. They want to do their shift and leave.
Good example, dinner today was late. It did not get to the section until as almost 7. Day crew passed out what had been delivered. When 7 rolled around, they left. 😆
"Help help" lady sometimes yells at the 7 pm hour as well. She is ignored and left for the night staff to deal with
I'm having similar problems with my mom in AL with who is assigned to her table in the dining room.
Try to work out ways around the problems. A new room-mate could easily be worse!
Same for myself. Had room to myself, no bed, thought the same. Then, an inoperable bed was moved there (not get in trouble with state) was moved to shared room less then 2 weeks notice, ( not even see the room or meet roommate before move)
Mom probably has room to herself because of lack of new patients.
I'm sure the staff appreciates your kindness, and I have confidence that they will watch as closely as they can if they've said this to you. My parent is in an AL facility and this sort of thing goes on even in there....Wait for a bit and see what happens ... I'm sure the room mate has no clue as to who's brush that is that the had.... You can ask the nurses station to keep a pack of brushes and combs for your mom there or just keep them in your car. Hope this helps.
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(this facility takes it) I am preparing for that and had that discussion today with the business office. They are very helpful. I also cannot get a private room as they dont offer it UNLESS I want to pay for the other bed.
I do not want to take my mom elsewhere because they are doing a good job caring for her & the best part>>>>>>> she likes the staff & trusts the doctors & takes her meds!! This was a challenge before, but now she trusts them.
I would HATE to move her and have worse issues. If the skilled facility knew we would commit to her living there after her rehab concludes I wonder if that would help? we are in that 100 medicare days. My moms ADL'S need a lot of work, and she is not able to do a lot on her own.
My mom's baseline shows little if any ability to live without skilled assistance.
It is obvious when we visit that the facility is right & talked to her doctors and can see her inability to do simple ADL's.
Is there some way that you can make your M’s possessions a bit more secure? If they are all laid out in full view on a shelf, taking them is just too easy. Could they go in a drawer very close to the bed head? Could something a bit less ‘personal’ than the toothbrush and hairbrush be put out to be the things that get picked up?