Her refusal to go includes 2-year-old type temper tantrums. I was able to get her to go look at an independent living facility, but when we got there she literally acted deaf, blind, dumb, and asleep the entire time, so she wouldn’t have to live there. I don’t know what to do.
She cannot throw things at caregivers. It sounds like she needs to be moved now.
If you go into her house and it doesn't seem in total disarray, and there isn't rotting food anywhere, and her mail is opened and her bills are paid then she mostly may have some personality disorder causing her temper tantrums.
If there are other signs of declining ADLs and you can't get her to agree to make decisions in her own best interests, you have some options:
- when you go there and she's acting beligerent call 911 and tell them she's agitated and combative and may have a UTI. Go to the ER with her and let the discharge people know she's an "unsafe discharge" resisting help and has no PoA and you won't do it. You cal then talk to a social worker to see if she can be discharged directly into AL or MC. I think first they may want to deal with her combativeness and may put her in the psych wing until she complies with meds.
- if you can't get her to the ER you report her to APS. Take video of the inside of her residence, video her having a meltdown, etc. so that you have proof. Eventually she will become the ward of a court-appointed guardian and they will take care of all her care and decisions and manage all her affairs.
I'm so sorry about this stressful situation. I wish you success in getting her the appropriate care and peace in your heart as to however it happens.
So other than trying the story line that her Medicare now requires her to go once a year for a physical(which some actually do), and then slip her doctor a note ahead of time explaining what is going on with your mom, so they can "test" her, you will have to wait for something bad to happen that lands her in the ER, and then you let the hospital know that she cannot return home as she is an "unsafe discharge" and they will then have to get her placed in the appropriate facility.
And guaranteed something bad will happen, it's just a matter of time.