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My 95-yr old Mom currently lives next door to me and manages herself most of the time, has mild/mod dementia, pretty bad arthritis, some memory impairment. She has always told me she doesn't want to ever go into a NH even though she had a front row seat to us struggling to provide care to both my MIL and SFIL.

I told her that the level of her care and who does it is up to me to decide. I tell her it happens when either she is no longer safe in her home or I'm overwhelmed with her care. If she rejects in-home aids, she goes to an extremely nice facility that is 3 miles from my home. This agreement is not just for her but for me.

The time for your Mom to be transitioned is when you no longer wish to be her hands-on, live-in caregiver -- for any reason. She might actually do better in a good facility where they might have activities and more daily and interesting social interaction.

I know it feels like an awful decision to have to make. But please read the copious posts about caregiver burnout. Many a loving and well-meaning adult child fails to transition their parent early enough and then it becomes a crisis for everyone. Don't let this happen to you.
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Reply to Geaton777
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It is time when the family caregivers realize that the care is beyond their ability to do with safety and keeping their own health and well-being in mind.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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If you're asking, it's probably time, or close to it. Don't feel afraid or guilty about evaluating options if you feel like her safety or your family's needs are not being properly met in the current situation.
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Reply to MG8522
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Amtt24 Dec 26, 2024
Thank you. I just feel guilty thinking about moving her out of my home. I know I shouldn’t but it’s hard not to.
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