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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
They are requiring more care now that they are older. A lot of trips to the ER, Hospital stays. Broken jaw. Forgetting how to do or fix things. My husband wanted to help but didn't think it would be like this. What do I do?
In 1985 my parents moved my mom's 81-year old mom into their home, thinking they were doing the right thing. It overwhelmed their marriage and my dad became very resentful and my parents began arguing a lot. Grandma passed in 2000 but my parents to this day still argue over who-did-what, or didn't, 30 years ago. Honestly I can say it was a turning point that their marriage never recovered from. Spouse comes first.
Hire help with parents funds. If they are with out funds call Area on Aging for an assesment of their needs. Spend more time with your husband. Make it a priority. Recognize that as time goes by their needs will increase. Utilize the resources available to them.
Priorities in order: 1. Minor children; 2. spouse; 3. elderly parents. Of course emergency problems change this priority, but if "emergencies" are happening daily, the are not emergencies.
Tell your parents that you can't do as much because you need to save your marriage. Hiring help is a good idea, but if you're going to have to manage that process, that indicates that they are ready for the next step: either independent living apartment or assisted living.
At some point our parents' need for care becomes greater than their need to be happy with our decisions about their care for we must also care for ourselves and our own immediate family, i.e. marriage.
Sounds like they need hired help at home or need assisted living. Surely they don't want you to lose your marriage in caring for them.
What helped me was remembering that my mom put her husband/marriage 1st over her mother’s needs. She set the boundaries & helped where she could. That said, I didn’t always remember. I was the one who tried to do everything for her.
When it was apparent she could no longer live on her own, at my very understanding and very compassionate husband’s insistence we moved Mom in with us. BIG mistake. The Waltons we were not. It was overwhelming and we had help! After 2 months, we moved Mom to an ALF and we all settled into the new normal.
That was 3 years ago — 3 years of Mom declining and needing more & more assistance. She passed away 3 months ago and we have no regrets. We realized and accepted our limitations, working with what we could & couldn’t do.
This helped us with figuring out how to help my aging & sickly in-laws. It is especially helpful now, as FIL passed away 6 weeks ago and he did everything for my MIL.
Try as we might, we can’t do it all or be everything to everyone. I want to grow old with my husband like our parents did with each other.
When I was away for seven months, caring for my parents, my husband and I talked nearly every day. When I finally arrived home, he had left me. We're divorced now. We had been married 15 years. It's a true testament of a marriage when both of you commit to caring for your elderly parents. I'm still caring for my parents, and I'm engaged to a wonderful man who helps with caring for them now. I know I'm happier not having to be torn between my parents and a husband that demands all of my time. My fiance' and I make a great team when it comes to caring for my parents. Care for your parents and be sure to set time aside to spend with your husband on a regular basis.
Spread2thin, take it from me, I went though he’ll and back , but everyone on this site has nailed it. Husband first, kids second, family 3 rd! Almost the whole aging thing is never planned out. We plan for retirement, we plan for vacations, we plan for wedding, but not for when we age out. We put the burden , yes I said burden on our children. It’s not far, and wrong! Feel no guilt, that your parents didn’t plan properly . Take control of the. Helm ! Start making arrangements , that satisfy your needs and their’s , you don’t ask anymore, say this is what we’re doing. And if family doesn’t want to help then do it your way! Problem solved! And when family bickers, say you take control and me and my family will step back! Yuki
Figure out the cost of placing both parents in an assisted living facility. Then share the number with your husband. See if the reality changes his tune. Or compile a daily record of how you spend your time. Then ask your husband to figure out how he would reallocate your time. Sometimes men are worse than small children-IMO.
After years of Mom living with us due to her weakness, falling and memory emergencies, my marriage was at risk. I have a great husband, but I realized there was a limit to what I could ask of him. I had to make the difficult decision of placing her in a nursing/memory community. One of the hardest decisions of my life. She has now been there almost 10 months.
Still, her needs of connecting with me continue and she calls 15 to 20 times each day. I have learned by now to resist answering every call....although there is a continual tinge of having to pick up the phone.
Because my Mom always taught me that Spouse comes first - both verbally and by example - I now remind her that I need to have sometime with hubby each day. In her alert states, she understands this....then she forgets immediately.
What an illness this dementia is! Hard for the patient, but very difficult for the loved ones.
Save your marriage. That is your most important mission here, although it is a challenging one at that!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Tell your parents that you can't do as much because you need to save your marriage. Hiring help is a good idea, but if you're going to have to manage that process, that indicates that they are ready for the next step: either independent living apartment or assisted living.
Sounds like they need hired help at home or need assisted living. Surely they don't want you to lose your marriage in caring for them.
When it was apparent she could no longer live on her own, at my very understanding and very compassionate husband’s insistence we moved Mom in with us. BIG mistake. The Waltons we were not. It was overwhelming and we had help! After 2 months, we moved Mom to an ALF and we all settled into the new normal.
That was 3 years ago — 3 years of Mom declining and needing more & more assistance. She passed away 3 months ago and we have no regrets. We realized and accepted our limitations, working with what we could & couldn’t do.
This helped us with figuring out how to help my aging & sickly in-laws. It is especially helpful now, as FIL passed away 6 weeks ago and he did everything for my MIL.
Try as we might, we can’t do it all or be everything to everyone. I want to grow old with my husband like our parents did with each other.
It's a true testament of a marriage when both of you commit to caring for your elderly parents. I'm still caring for my parents, and I'm engaged to a wonderful man who helps with caring for them now.
I know I'm happier not having to be torn between my parents and a husband that demands all of my time. My fiance' and I make a great team when it comes to caring for my parents.
Care for your parents and be sure to set time aside to spend with your husband on a regular basis.
Still, her needs of connecting with me continue and she calls 15 to 20 times each day. I have learned by now to resist answering every call....although there is a continual tinge of having to pick up the phone.
Because my Mom always taught me that Spouse comes first - both verbally and by example - I now remind her that I need to have sometime with hubby each day. In her alert states, she understands this....then she forgets immediately.
What an illness this dementia is! Hard for the patient, but very difficult for the loved ones.
Save your marriage.
That is your most important mission here, although it is a challenging one at that!
All the best!
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