My husband has been in a MC facility for 6 weeks and still has difficulty finding his room. What can I do to help him?

The picture on the door thing will only work as long as the patient has the wits to look at it. We are talking about people who, tragically, have lost their wits. What I am reading, here, is very scary. It implies that "memory care" is really just an expensive three-hots-and-a-cot.

What do they do when the person *has no one* they can call, to pester about the right way to care for a demented person?

This isn't an answer, but an echo of other answers: How can a person be blamed for wandering into other people's unlocked rooms, when he doesn't even recognize his own home, or know where any of the rooms in it are?

My husband constantly asks me where the bathroom is (we have four), where his bed is, where are all the other people (who don't exist), and to help him because he needs to go somewhere (but has no idea where).

Moving him to a facility isn't going to change this, and will probably make it worse. That's why, even though I am exhausted from caring for him, I'm afraid to place him. I'm afraid the facility will only make even more work and worry - for me!

We are with you WearyJean!
These are amazing, experienced answers.
Good for all caregivers! 🎶🫂💖🧸️ 💯

Use His picture by the door and also a certain color so he can identify with it.

Does he recognize his own face? If so, then maybe put his photo on the door, and put a reminder on something he has on him (emergency button or name tag) that reminds him to look for his picture.
You could also print his name in bold letters and put that on the door to his room.
I label and put instructions on things that help remind my person what she is supposed to do in that room. (for example, "Flush the toilet" in the bathroom) Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

are you allowed to hang a picture of him on the door, with his name in bold letters.
Allot of assisted living facilities, let you customize the door to help dementia patients find their room. Best of luck and Blessings.

take a picture of your husband and yourself standing next to the room number. Encase this in a name tag he can wear on a lanyard around his neck . Try to teach him to use that to identify his room.

Its a bit much the director calling you to complain, he/she runs the facility, presumably they expect to do some work and understand cognitively affected people. Sit down with them and discuss the care and type of facility he needs and if they cannot provide it then move him. If he needs to be in a locked facility then sad though that is it will be safer for him. Either they cope with wandering residents or they don't but they don't put the problem back on you.

Has anyone mentioned putting a picture of your husband (husband and wife or dog) on his door?

Maybe you can put a poster up on the door -so he can recognize his room.
or pictures of himself or you or something that he can relate to.
Good 🍀 luck. Keep us updated.

WearyJean: Imho, that's rich! Your husband is in Memory Care for a reason and the director needs to get a better handle on her business model. She should not be calling YOU, but figuring out what SHE needs to do for her patients.

He’s in memory care and the director is calling you to complain that he is having memory issues?

You have already done the right thing! That’s why he’s there, silly director!

Now the director needs to focus on their job (taking care of their patients who are there due to memory loss) instead of unnecessarily stressing out family members who aren’t even physically present!

Is there a stationary object near his room? Like a chair, garbage can, desk, elevator, cabinet, etc.? Something he can easily see/get familiar with to let him know he's near his room? Maybe he's looking for something familiar. Maybe looking for someone to chat with.

If hubby is in MC, the staff should be able to resolve this. It is up to them to get him to his room - not yours. They are supposed to be experienced in working with dementia patients who are confused and don't know what they are doing or where they are going.

Talk to the Director to get this resolved. MC cost big bucks - this should be included in what you are paying for.

Good Luck.

For goodness sake, he's in memory care for a reason! What exactly does the director think you are supposed to do? The only thing you could do to help him is to give him his memory back and that's not gonna happen.

I would have a few questions for director, next time you get a call:
- what do you do about your other MEMORY care patients who wander?
- is it common for memory patients to become MORE aware as the disease progresses, because I thought otherwise and took him to a memory care facility
- repeat bullet #1 several times until director understands this isn't their first rodeo if they are in the memory care business and by now should have ways of directing someone who is wandering toward the right path.

Wearyjean ~ First of all, ask the MC Director why she is calling you to complain? Your husband is in MEMORY care. They should be equipped to deal with this behavior. Wandering is a common problem in MC facilities. That's why people are placed there. Perhaps decorating his room door (or outside his door on the wall) with colorful signs would help him recognize his own room. Patient engagement in activities (like sorting things, coloring, folding his clothes, etc) may keep him occupied. Does he like to draw? Is there an Activities Director there? Other than that, the MC facility should have procedures in place to deal with this issue.

I do not know the answer as how to stop residents doing this but I do know it is the responsibility of the facility to have in place procedures to handle this and they must be implemented. Contact the Office on Aging and speak with a social worker or Adult Protective Services for help and advise. Each county has a local Ombudsman whom you can contact. There is help out there but you have to get them involved

Pictures and other hints to find the door are all good responses.
if I understand your description, the MC facility is warning you that other residents are complaining that your husband is entering their rooms. While I agree that the facility needs to find alternatives, I have recently placed my mom in MC and she and her roommate are “not allowed” to leave their door open because the two male wanderers frequently enter these sweet women’s room, use their bathroom, etc. From the other residents perspective it feels very unfair that the others with impaired memories are being expected to remember to close/lock their doors and then remember how to us their fob to open their own doors; and the facility likely has the potential to be able to kick the subject resident out with little notice and for exactly this reason (or any other random reason- check your state regs to see how easy it is for any facility to just toss a resident out).
having said this, I have found that sometimes residents can remember to “find the person in the blue shirt” (the color the staff wear) if you need help finding your room. Sometimes the resident can remember blue shirt = help. However, in my experience in mom’s MC I have also seen residents who say they cannot find their room, but when they are taken to their room they immediately leave and go find a staff member to tell them that they can’t find their room. It’s like the “I want to go home” phrase - they could be lonely, tired, hungry, frustrated, afraid, which needs to be addressed, they might enter every open door hoping to find something familiar so they don’t feel lonely, tired, hungry, frustrated, afraid, etc. So, making his room familiar might be another helpful tip, put as many familiar items immediately visible as he enters his room and see if the door to HIS room can remain open ( you will probably be advised that several other residents also enter every open door, they will also be receiving the same calls you are). See if other families will pool resources for time spent in the unit to work with all of the wanderers who don’t understand personal space/boundaries so you all don’t have to be there all the time, but you can also grow your sense of community and common purpose.
I also feel too much money is being spent to provide proper care for both our children and our elderly for bare minimum Or even substandard care, but, until we isolate and identify specific concerns and advocate that they be addressed on a much bigger platform each of our individual concerns for individual persons at individual facilities those facilities can laugh all the way to the bank as they meet the frightening bare minimums set by individual states. Please educate yourselves on your state regulations, and understand that sites purporting to be there to help you - make money if you select a facility that pays them commission for placement. Take time to find non-profit organizations to at least find some balance. And truly think about spending some of that time that you do not have to work on behalf of ALL in this similar circumstance. We are all fighting our individual battles for our own individual concerns, but we need to devote at least a small portion of that energy to the entire affected population.

If he actually can’t find his room, maybe he needs something like a poster or picture on his door that he can recognize. If he is wandering out of boredom, that is a different problem.

If he has lost his short term memory he just will not remember where his room is. They won't even be able to remember that there is a picture of them by their door. When my mom was in AL she was always going in other peoples room. Then she was moved to MC. I had a camera in her room and I would see the other residents going into her room. They kept all of them out in the main center so they could keep an eye on them. Then if they saw one going in another's room they would redirect and sometimes they would just keep their doors locked. But no one should ever call and tell you that this has become an issue. I would call the facility director and let them know you are being called. They should know how to handle. I mean..what are you supposed to do about it? Wandering is part of the disease. One of the reasons why one is placed in MC is because of the wandering. My mom is in a nursing home now and can't walk but the residents that can walk and have dementia ...well..sometimes they want to go in my mom's room. They are then redirected out.
❤

Wandering around in Memory Care is common, it may help to have something on his door that he will recognize and associate with as his room.
Discuss with the Executive Director and the nursing team how they can assist your husband as he transitions to his new home. Everyone transitions differently.
Another thing that may help is getting him some occupational therapy to assist him with a routine. Insurances cover these services and the community should be open to putting a plan in place.
I hope this helps.
Schelle’y Cunningham CDP
Senior Memory Care Advisor

The deficiency here is with the facility. This is common with dementia and any facility should have measures in place to deal with this.

Talk to the memory care staff and director about this. Ask them what their policy is on handling MC residents who have this issue. They should have ways to prevent this from happening. This also happens in my mother's MC unit, and staff watch over the residents and tell them where their rooms are or take them there and divert them when they are going into other people's rooms. Doors aren't locked in MC units, but staff can close them.

Ugh, like everyone else, I'm shocked that any MC facility doesn't know how to manage this. Any facility or individual who deals with the elderly to be able to manage this without "complaining" about it, much less one *specializing* in memory loss. Sad to say, the director's complaint is indicative of someone not only utterly incompetent at his/her job, but frankly, fundamentally stupid. If this "director" is THE (senior) director of the entire facility, you have my sympathies; hopefully, this director is just one of many, and an anomaly who can be fired if enough people contact his/her supervisor to lodge formal complaints about his/her performance.

I'm sorry for you and your husband.Have you tried putting a big photo of him on the door to his room?

I think part of the difficulty here is that his wandering into other resident's rooms isn't necessarily because he can't find his own room, it may be that he is feeling lost or bored, feels the need to move, or is looking for something else entirely - a person, place or thing that may exist only in his broken mind.
Staff in a memory care are supposed to know how to deal with wanderers because it is a very common problem, I get that those on the front lines may grumble that they have more than enough to do but the fact that the director is complaining to you rather than implementing ways to deal with it makes me question this facility's knowledge of dementia and their ability/willingness to deal with it.

My mother was having the same problem so I made her a wreath for her door in her favorite colors and painted a wooden "B" for Baker and placed it on the wreath....she has no problem now finding her room. Maybe make a wreath with his favorite sports team and put his initial on it

Ask the staff to engage him so that your dear husband has something to do! The wandering is probably because he is looking for some purpose to his day!

At my mothers memory care unit all of the patient rooms have a blank picture frame outside the door. It can personalized with pictures of the patient and family. Maybe something like that would help your husband recognize his room.

Dealing with wandering should be part of his care by the MC facility. If they cannot or will not manage that behavior, you may need to.move him to a more competent facility.