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He is incontinent, has to have help with meals, meds, showering, laundry, and is in a wheelchair. While he seems lucid most of the time, he thinks he was vice/president of the US for a short time and also is always trying to give people money and has gotten burned on a sweetheart scam.

Please with no disrespect people need to understand unless you have a court order a conservatorship over your dad he still has rights. POA for his health care is a team effort you and dad. No means No. if dad doesn't want to take meds or maybe change diet or maybe a procedure medically he has the right to say no. Even with a diagnosis of dementia. Reason being the only thing left in that person's life is to still be have rights. Facility can't force a dam thing. What we do as so many comments here today are absolutely some of the best tools you will need to help with your needs. I will say as hard as we try to do what we think is best does not always work in our favor. Just remember to breath. Talk to your social service person at the facility. Keep her informed of your concerns. Talk with dad if he wants to leave tell him we will have to work on that just give us some time. Sometimes it's just the fact that he is being heard. Not that you can wave a magic wand and everything will be like it was. Listen to him and love him. Your doing your best please don't forget that.
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Reply to LoniG1
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Please make sure he is - or has been - evaluated by his doctor for mental competency. If he is mentally incompetent, and he appears to be, then he will not be allowed to make decisions for his medical or financial affairs. If you are his POA, then you will make decisions for him. He will not be able to do against your decisions.
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Reply to Taarna
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Rklutts: Speak to the facility's administrator.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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You need to speak to the administration at the nursing home.
As next of kin, are you the one that they communicate with about your father, or does he have someone else who is his "responsible party" (for instance a POA?)

The administration will be interested to hear of his unrealistic plans to try to go home. They should be aware that he may attempt to leave, or they may wish to discuss if they have seen any such behavior.

As you can imagine we do not know your father. Nor what arrangements you have for overseeing his care in the family. This is something to discuss with the administration where your father currently is staying.

As a new member, R., and if you plan to stay on AC, do fill in your profile. More information about you and Dad will help us give you better answers. We wish you well.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Rklutts, welcome to the forum. Please note when someone has dementia, when they say they want to "go back home", it means they want to go back to their childhood home. He wants to be back with the parents and any siblings he had, back when being a kid was fun with no responsibilities.


When my Mom (98 years old) wanted to "go home", I knew it was her childhood home as she asked if the cows were back in the barn (her parents had own a dairy farm). Then she wanted to visit her parents, so I had to quickly come up with a "therapeutic fib" that Mom would believe. I told her her parents were "visiting the old county" to which she smiled and said "that's nice". You may need to think up some therapeutic fibs to say to your Dad..
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Reply to freqflyer
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LoniG1 14 hours ago
Very nicely said. Great Job
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Your Dad is in a NH for a reason. He needs 24/7 care and seems he has Dementia. They legally cannot discharge him. It would be an "unsafe discharge". The only way they could release him to home is if he proved he had 24/7 care. I really doubt your Dad could set that up and manage it.

You as his child do not have to help him. You can refuse to be his Caregiver. Those suffering from Dementia always want to go home. But where is that home, the marital one or the one he lived in as a child. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Talk to the DON and ask this question. I am sure she will tell u he will never be discharged.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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“He wants to move back home alone”. Where is ‘home’? A house he owns that is currently unoccupied? Or your home? Or his house but you live there? “He seems lucid most of the time” – but does he have a diagnosis of dementia?

There are lots of steps here. If he is legally competent, it is his own unoccupied house, and he can organise his move – yes he is able to do it. All the other variations have different (and complicated) issues. If he does organise it and it clearly isn't working, there are other (also complicated) paths to travel down.

Please could you give more details, if you want more information. Just because he has high care needs, you are his only child and you are against it, is not enough to be clear about what can and might happen.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Wanting something is very different to making it happen.

"Wants to move back home alone.."
He can WANT that. Sure.

"Will he be allowed..?"
Is he currently ALLOWED to leave his current care home at his will, without supervision? Just walk (or roll) out the door?

If yes, does he have a power wheelchair (or able to self propel himself)? A phone to call a taxi? Funds to pay for the taxi? Keys to get into his house?

If yes to all, what then?

He sits at his house a while... (maybe outside if steps are a barrier to getting inside).

Might be very unpleasant to be home afterall. When it gets dark, no power on, no food..
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Reply to Beatty
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Well technically if you aren’t your father’s POA or guardian and he is deemed competent then he has the right to live wherever he chooses.

How would he manage it w/o your help? Does he drive, manage his own finances, etc?
Does he have friends, siblings etc who would take him home? Manage to hire help etc. all on his own w/o your help?

I’m sure it is stressful for you to hear him discussing these plans and perhaps some scammer is stirring him up?

Can you fill in some blanks and give us more info?
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Are you his PoA? If not, does he have one? Or a legal guardian?

Even if he doesn't have one I'd start talking to the facility admins about this delusion to make sure they are on the same page that he would be an unsafe discharge (even though he isn't in a hospital) and especially if you are still living in his home, you can tell them you aren't willing/able to be his caregiver there.

Does he have a medical diagnosis of cognitive and/or memory impairment? If not, it might be a good idea to get this in his records.
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Reply to Geaton777
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