I live on the other side of the country and she refuses to allow me to talk with him. I showed up unannounced a couple years ago and he was so happy to see me until she instigated a conflict, called the sheriff and told them I was agitating him. She will now not even let me speak with him. What can I do?
They will let you know how he is and it will put the situation on their radar if he is not. They will get APS involved if your dad isn't being cared for.
I pray you are able to come to terms with the situation his choices created. I wouldn't count on any inheritance, he made his choice and it was his desire for her at all costs. Just be grateful she hasn't taken everything and dumped him in your lap. That is harder than you can imagine.
I found out later that they had created a will when he was dosed with morphine granting her complete ownership of the house and the rest of the property went to her children.
Im wondering if there is some history, not saying your step mom is right in anyway.
But as a step mom, to a step daughter, that has a drug and alcohol issue, and has used and abused everyone in the family, and stoled thousands of dollars from a few of us. But in her mind she has done nothing wrong. And is always the victim.
I'm just not taking sides here and wondering what the bigger pitcher may be.
But I will say , no matter what you should be able to see your dad. Absolutely
Everyone has their own story to tell about their families.
My husband’s dad decided to have an affair while his wife was dying with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He claimed that he couldn’t handle her being sick so he ran straight into another woman’s arms.
This woman was a volunteer at the hospital where my mother in law was dying. She had gone to the same university as my father in law. She bragged to us about him hugging her so tightly the night my mother in law died.
He even moved his mistress into his home a couple of weeks after his wife died.
He tried to force this woman on us while we were still grieving. No one begrudged him being with someone else but this woman immediately pranced into our lives trying to be our mom and grandma only weeks after my mother in law died.
My daughter’s teacher showed me her kindergarten journal. My five year old was confused by all of this. She adored the grandmother that she knew. She referred to the new woman who was living with her grandpa as ‘grandpa’s friend’ in her school journal.
My daughter was grieving for the grandmother that she loved. The new woman was a complete stranger to my daughter. It takes time for meaningful relationships to develop. The woman was offended that we viewed her as a stranger.
This woman thought that we were horrible for not instantly fawning all over her. She threatened to leave my father in law if he didn’t cut us off.
My father in law did as she commanded. She refused to marry him because she wanted to spend all of his money and keep her money from her deceased husband to give to her children.
Life doesn’t seem fair at times. My sweet mother in law died at age 68. The awful woman lived to be 96 and my father in law lived to be 98.
Well, after his ‘companion’ died he called my husband, and said that he was lonely and that he wanted to see him.
Mind you, he threw his son, myself and his grandchildren away like yesterday’s trash many years earlier.
Covid hit, my husband wasn’t able to visit him before he died.
I told my husband that I was sorry that he didn’t get to visit with his dad. He said to me, “Your father was more of a father to me than my own dad was. He was a stranger to me. My mother is the person who raised us. My dad was never truly involved with us.”
His dad pretended to be involved when I met him but it was all just an act. Having his mistress enter the picture made a tough situation worse.
We didn’t object to his dad being with another woman. We didn’t care about them not being married. It was the way they tried to rush a relationship, knowing that they were having an affair when my mother in law was dying with cancer.
At least my father in law was smart enough to save enough money for a nice assisted living facility.
I can tell you that he was a cheapskate with my sweet mother in law and he gave his ‘companion’ as he called her, anything that she wanted and if she didn’t get it she would threaten to leave!
Oh well…we aren’t going to like everyone, for good reason. Everyone won’t like us. That’s life, right? It stinks, sometimes.
If your step-mother is your Dad's only caregiver, she must be quite physically and emotionally exhausted, and resentful as this wasn't the retirement she and your Dad had planned. Do you know if she is getting any outside help with his care? Any relatives stepping in to help?
Call your step-mother and ask her how "she" is doing, does she need any help, etc? Make the conversation just about her. She may, or may not, soften up. If she softens up, then over time [a few months] you can get more information.
I would check with a lawyer before your dad's death for a consultation. Have a list of questions prepared beforehand. I did see a lawyer, and it wasn't much that could be done but move from the situation.
I just want to speak with him again before he passes away. I will call APS.
Your father chose to marry an awful human being.
There's nothing to be done about that if an attorney tells you that the law will not intervene.
She is the Lioness at the Gate.
You apparently have chosen not to befriend her? Otherwise I have to think she is the wicked evil witch of the west. If so, your father CHOSE HER.
You may want to consult a POA in their area to see what rights of visitation you have.
You may consider a report to APS telling them you are not allowed contact and need reassurance that your father is in good care and in good health as there is no way you can check on that (which I am assuming is true?).
The fact is that his wife is his POA. You would not win guardianship of him unless he is absymally neglected.
You can only:
1. Find out your right in that state through APS or attorney
2. Ask APS to open a case to check on his welfare
3. Attempt to request visitation through the wife, telling her you will be happy to submit to her being present in the room and will leave when she requests you to, that you would like to be able to help and assist her and wish to mend broken fences between you for the good of your Dad.
Other than that? As I said. Dad made his choice. Apparently, and according to you, not a very good one, but he made it. And there's nothing you can do to change that.