My 89 yo mom w MCI, has a belief that I’m deceiving her about my marital status. Created a “wife”for me and says I s be w her. In general thinks our small immediate family is hiding information. Agitates to her to tears and gives her daily frustration. Daily theme.
- Don’t correct her or argue about the facts. When she says “You should be with your wife” try “Sunday afternoon is my time to visit you, mom. Everyone in my life knows and is Ok with it.” Or what about “I’ll get right back to the rest of my life after you and I do XYZ.”
- Try to validate her emotions. If she says “Brother is hiding things from me,” say “That sounds really hard. I can see why you are upset.” Then if she keeps on, change the subject.
- Look for triggers (are there certain times of day or certain occurrences that make her more agitated?)
- Does redirection help? “I found this picture of you as a kid at the beach, mom. Who is that next to you in the picture?” Or “guess what mom? I brought some of your favorite cookies!”
Make your visits brief. Tell the staff if her paranoia seems to be escalating.
Based on your above info, mom shouldn't live alone now. If she lives with family, the constant paranoia and delusions will make their home not seem like a home anymore. Dementia patients can be relentless in piling on the suspicions, the accusations, the crying, the delusions. It can seem as if there is no end, and sometimes there isn't until they draw their last breath.
I'm offering no solutions; others have offered good ideas. What I'm doing is pointing out what you need to be considering for your own sakes, not just mom's.
So definitely talk to her doctor about medications that will help her with that.
And it's time now to educate yourself more about this horrific disease of dementia as things will only continue to get worse with her. I always recommend the book The 36 Hour Day to start and also Teepa Snows(a dementia expert) videos on YouTube about dementia.
progrss to 25mg. I’ve been managing ok. Try to keep conversations light.
I’m broken when she works herself into a sadness to tears. for what it’s worth ,
Shes still able to care for herself. and tends to organize things repeatedly. Assume it feels like some control. Also, shares guilt that I’m here helping her ??
thanks for feedback.
Good luck to you.