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My 89 yo mom w MCI, has a belief that I’m deceiving her about my marital status. Created a “wife”for me and says I s be w her. In general thinks our small immediate family is hiding information. Agitates to her to tears and gives her daily frustration. Daily theme.

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That sounds really stressful for both of you. I’m assuming she’s already in a facility or not living with you. Other than med adjustments for her, all I can suggest is:

- Don’t correct her or argue about the facts. When she says “You should be with your wife” try “Sunday afternoon is my time to visit you, mom. Everyone in my life knows and is Ok with it.” Or what about “I’ll get right back to the rest of my life after you and I do XYZ.”
- Try to validate her emotions. If she says “Brother is hiding things from me,” say “That sounds really hard. I can see why you are upset.” Then if she keeps on, change the subject.
- Look for triggers (are there certain times of day or certain occurrences that make her more agitated?)
- Does redirection help? “I found this picture of you as a kid at the beach, mom. Who is that next to you in the picture?” Or “guess what mom? I brought some of your favorite cookies!”

Make your visits brief. Tell the staff if her paranoia seems to be escalating.
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Reply to Suzy23
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Yeah, she outgrew MCI. Her hallucinations kind of leans towards Lewy Body dementia. She is past the new medications but she should be taken to the appropriate doctor determinebthe type of dementia and to see if any meds will relax her. Oops, I see leolnnie and I have similar responses
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Reply to MACinCT
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This is clear-cut dementia, and you need to ask yourself how long you and your family will be able to manage it at home. When she gets meds that help, it gives you time to give serious thought to what you want YOUR lives to be like a couple of years down the road.

Based on your above info, mom shouldn't live alone now. If she lives with family, the constant paranoia and delusions will make their home not seem like a home anymore. Dementia patients can be relentless in piling on the suspicions, the accusations, the crying, the delusions. It can seem as if there is no end, and sometimes there isn't until they draw their last breath.

I'm offering no solutions; others have offered good ideas. What I'm doing is pointing out what you need to be considering for your own sakes, not just mom's.
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Reply to Fawnby
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As lealonnie said below, your mom is well past MCI and is now in the throes of full blown dementia, where paranoia is so very common .
So definitely talk to her doctor about medications that will help her with that.
And it's time now to educate yourself more about this horrific disease of dementia as things will only continue to get worse with her. I always recommend the book The 36 Hour Day to start and also Teepa Snows(a dementia expert) videos on YouTube about dementia.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Caregiver89 Sep 26, 2026
Thank you ; she’s been on 10mg of lexipro; and that helped for months. It seems baseline changed; and recently started 12.5 mg of seroquel. Been 2 wks; has eliminated edginess , but not conspiracies. Will
progrss to 25mg. I’ve been managing ok. Try to keep conversations light.
I’m broken when she works herself into a sadness to tears. for what it’s worth ,
Shes still able to care for herself. and tends to organize things repeatedly. Assume it feels like some control. Also, shares guilt that I’m here helping her ??
thanks for feedback.
(1)
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Mom is way past MCI displaying this type of behavior! Call her doctor to discuss medications to calm her down.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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