I’m 52. My mother divorced my father who adored her 40 years ago. She has anxiety and depression but coped through living in nice hotels around the world. We fund but she has done it reasonably and gets best deals. I haven’t lived with her for 40 years and only seen her about 10 times since age 19, when she called me daily at college to tell me she was lost. I developed severe ocd about her and thought about her 5 hours a day. I moved away and it got better. Then it happened again and she would call me all the time about her horrors, no place to live. Around my age 35 we started funding her fully. Things got better (by better I mean I never wanted to call her but was able to call her once a week and only obsess about an hour a day. Now over the past few months, things have gotten worse and my ocd is skyrocketing. Writing posts like this, talking to anyone who will listen. She is impossible to talk to. She won’t budge an inch. We asked for one hour of help a week from her to help us and she said no during the pandemic. Not one hour. We asked for a planning phone call or we weren’t going to send her funds and she just threatened to kill herself so finally we sent to stop the torture. Now at 77, I have limited contact and trying various treatments but she still slams on me about her misery. She doesn’t have a home and cries about that. Then we offer to buy her a home in Florida, Phoenix and she says she doesn’t want a dumpy home. Then we offer to buy her a nice home and she says she doesn’t want to be alone. The issue is she has no family that cares about her. My sister and dad don’t care if she is dead. Neither do her brothers. We care and I feel devastated for her, but I can’t have her in my unit because I don’t have space (2 bedroom for 3 people already). I don’t want her here because I am
obsessjng hours a day as it is and she will continue to manipulate me (I didn’t find her a husband, I have a husband, she doesn’t want to live and just wants to be hugged, I didn’t give her a solution to live overseas and have a home base in the United States, her life didn’t meet her dreams). As background, she sounds insane saying that 35 years ago she stayed with me when my father had a brain tumor and was in life threatening surgery. She tells me she missed a meeting and got in trouble. She was never there for me - didn’t come to wedding, graduations or when I got I’ll. But she gets into my head. Now I can’t make her go anywhere. She won’t call a suicide line, she won’t pick a place to live but will just email me until I break. Yes, the problem is with me, sf is very expensive and I can’t fund her here but moreover this is not a retirement community. She need to make friends but won’t. Only daily emails that she has no hope. Everyone tells me to not read her emails. I am so scared. By the way, I have an amazing husband and son…can’t even focus on them. Can you help me? Small part of me wonders if I need to open my arms and just love this shell of a human. I can’t solve it. Do you have resources?
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-gave-up-today-or-maybe-i-saved-myself-481569.htm?orderby=recent
This path is not without pain, but it will result in your mother getting the help she needs. Tell your sister and uncle to call police and or APS in your mother's current locale. Report her as a vulnerable adult. STOP sending money.
Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist?
MOM NEEDS TO BE HOSPITALIZED AND EVALUATED BY A GERIATRIC DOCTOR. PHYSICALLY & MENTALLY EXAMINED.. where is she on dementia and ALZ OR other
geriatric issues? Memory, etc..
keep repeating suicide.. you want to make sure you have no GUILT..
get her help NOW..
stay away from:: gosh I should have taken her seriously.. that really is no fun.. my friends family is dealing with that..
PLEASE CALL 911 and let them take over… msybe she is Plsying games… but you don’t want to find out the hard way..