She has been with us since Feb. We have had about 6 caregivers and she has lasted longer than any of them. We tried using an agency but had such a bad experience that we decided that private care was more affordable and dependable. I really hate to lose this one and it really isn't the food, it is more that I feel cautious about trusting her now. Mom does not have valuables laying around and I take care of all the financial stuff so the food isn't something I really keep an eye on. Finding another caregiver just fills me with despair.
There were supposedly two bags of frozen fish cutlets in the freezer. Your mother invited you to take them home with you. When you went to the freezer you found only one bag. Any other information?
If not, then if I were to jump to any conclusion from your position, it would probably have been that my mother was mistaken about how many bags were in the freezer to begin with. Yours is that the caregiver, being in straitened financial circumstances, must be a thief.
I hope you are quite certain of your facts. But in any case, would it not be better to ask the lady about this first?
Your headline asserts: caregiver is stealing food from my mother's freezer. In fact, ONE item has gone missing as of yesterday and this has yet to be explained. So ask for an explanation.
Secondly, if there is proof, then I would ask you to sit with her and start with the positive. Tell her, "You know............, we have loved having you here. You are one of our best and most trusted caregivers. We would HATE to lose you. I am going to tell you what I know, and then I would like you to tell me your own part, because I cannot believe this would happen unless you felt quite desperate." Then tell her what is missing, how you know it was her. Ask for an explanation. I think in these times we may be missing the forest for the trees. People are very desperate. She may need pointing to resources. She may be the only one in her family working. There may be many mouths to feed.
At the very least you are giving this woman a chance to own this, to try to explain it, to learn from it going forward.
I would speak with her.
If you just "let this go" but leave a cloud hanging over this women's reputation, you are doing her a great injustice.
Give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she gives you a reasonable explanation.
If she is a thief, she's testing the waters and it behooves you to let her know you've noticed.
If she has a hungry family to feed, you can help her get aid, or share some of your abundance and perhaps easier access to good food.
If your mother insisted she take the fish but no longer remembers that, you have an entirely different problem on your hands.
I don't see how you lose by asking.
She apparently found too many things that went missing-leading to my brother becoming suspicious that she was behind all the missing stuff hidden away in sock drawers, freezer, under beds and in shoes-
my brother let her go -my mom was distraught for weeks-
the missing ‘stuff’ continued and they found a lot of it because it was still put in the usual places
so be really careful accusing anyone of taking stuff especially from an Alzheimer’s patient
This lady has been working for your mother for five months and you have been very pleased with her reliability and quality of care.
And yet. You cannot bring yourself to believe that she might be completely blameless in this fish matter, can you. You're prepared to "let it go." You're content to feel reassured that at least now she knows that she can't get away with stealing anything else.
For God's sake! Suppose she has never taken and would never take *anything* that did not properly belong to her - which is, I suppose, the basic morality you'd expect of a person you'd call decent?
I think she's right. I think you'd better stick with that inventory idea, and do a stock-take every month or something like that. Otherwise she will be constantly trying to prove a negative - that she hasn't stolen anything - and she won't be able to bear it.
Put yourself in the shoes of an innocent person, and try to imagine how you would feel about what you've written.
The boundary of stealing, once broken becomes easier and easier to steal larger and larger things.
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