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NeedHelpWithMom;

Although this is off-topic, it was brought up several times in the comments. You need help. Your "screen" name says it too! Although the veteran's paperwork is a bear, do try to get that done if you can. The third party that sent me the documents and instructions unfortunately sent me expired documents, so after all the work I did, it was rejected. BTW, in addition to your dad's SS# you will also need his military information and he will have to have participated in some part of a war for a given time - read the regulations and rules or call the VA to inquire before spending all that time doing the paperwork! I was going to apply again, but with all the other stuff I have to handle, it never got done. In some respects, I suspect it would have been rejected because of mom's income/trust assets. However, you could potentially get money and/or some in-home help provided by them. It is worth exploring. A local veteran's group might be able to assist you in filling out the paperwork and processing.

Another option - if mom needs personal care, such as help with bathing, dressing, toileting, etc, Medicare DOES provide some limited assistance. When we were exploring hiring people to come in to let mom live/stay in her condo, the nurse who did the assessment told me that if mom had agreed to getting such help, some care would be covered (Medicare did cover the cost of the assessment, etc, but because mom refused, we did not get to take advantage of that help!) It is limited, but hey, anything is better than nothing! If your mom's income and assets are low enough, she might also qualify for Medicaid - these aides and any money they can provide could help you by bringing in assistance and taking some of the load off of you. Moving her at this later stage might be difficult AND expensive and might be hard for her. It will require a lot from you, either way. Exploring places for mom will take time and energy and you DO need to check several at the least. All are set up differently and charge differently, so it isn't as easy as it sounds! Even with yearly increases. our mom is still charged less than the first place quoted, 2.5 years ago, and that was for a "shared" space (2 BR/shared bath), something I know she wouldn't like!

Depending on her condition, hospice? I have no experience with that, but perhaps others can enlighten us - would they provide in-home assistance, even on a limited basis, to help out with personal care?

Another thought - many times various organization, including churches, have volunteers who can help out. When you have the priest there, inquire about it. Even if it is just someone who can watch over mom for a while so you can get out and take a break (or a nap!), it might help.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Disgustedtoo,

Thanks for your info. I think mom will qualify because dad’s social security isn’t a lot. Never know but it is worth a shot. Trying to decide if I should do an elder attorney or a veteran group. Any suggestions?

I was told mom qualified for help with bathing but in my area there is a long wait list. Council on aging is very busy here.

We lost everything from Hurricane Katrina, documents, nine feet of water in mom’s house so that slows things down too. Mom came to live with us with only what she took during our evacuation from New Orleans. Not much. But the important thing it that we survived. So many died in that storm.
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I’ve been reading through this thread and would like to compliment you, NeedHelpWithMom on how wonderful you sound! You’ve replied, at length in some cases, to nearly every post, with comments that show interest and genuine appreciation of every one of them. I do hope that your mother’s going is eventually peaceful for herself and your family. You sound like such lovely people.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Thanks Lucy,

Your kindness means a lot. I appreciate it.
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My feeling is this. It will be your mother's funeral and as such, I think she can request whatever she wants and I believe those wishes should be carried out without anyone forcing her to do something different. Talk to her one more time and if this is what she wants, so be it. It will be her last request - honor it.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
Riley,

She seems okay with the cremation. Just really surprised me is all.
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The funeral is really for the remaining people, not the deceased. Save the money.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Thanks, she seems to be at peace with this. She has the right to change how she originally felt. I’m going to respect her wishes.
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