I've tried everything form Ensure, to pedialite, She refuse to go get medical attention, She has lost so much weight.I'm afraid she is starving herself to death. Her sisters say I can be charged with Murder or something for just letting her lay there and die. Ive tried everything. I do not have power of attorney and she is good mind when anybody ask her qestions. Help Please
There are two problems: Getting her to eat, and Protecting yourself from charges of neglect.
Will she eat ice cream or fruit smoothies? Does she have a terminal disease? When was the last time a doctor saw her? There is medication that will increase her appetite. If she becomes unconscious, you can call 911 and have her taken to the hospital, where they can feed her.
If she is truly dying, and knows her time is near, her body may no longer want any food. It can be cruel to try to force a dying person to eat. If she is just depressed, and not yet near dying, she may need an antidepressant to make her want to live.
To protect yourself, make sure there are witnesses to your efforts to feed her and get her to the doctor.
This is a very sad and difficult situation. Give us more details, and we may have better advice.
you may face legal liability if you dont seek a professional opinion .
this is what i think i would do.
Far from neglecting your mother, you are giving her the best kind of loving care.
Unfortunately, her choices are still agonising for you - is there anyone around who can help you with that? x
Looking for someone to help you through this is also a good idea, and further evidence to a professional that you are doing what you can. Meanwhile you can get support here. Please do come back and let us know how you are doing. Seeing a loved one make choices that are not in their own best interests is always very hard. You can lead a horse to water, but... ((((((((((((hugs))))))))).
you can lead a horse to water but have you ever tried to drown one?
I am a big believer in nanny cams for video evidence of how a person is behaving and whether their decisions seem to be of sound mind or not. You can usually tell but a picture is worth a thousand words and a video is worth a thousand pictures. You can get a miniature clock with a concealed camera that is motion activated, has a USB connection so you can download the video to your computer and burn a disc to show others. All available for under $100. That, and document, document, document + fax or email hey very succinct yet complete letter to her doctor. S/he may put your mom into a 72 hour psych evaluation to determine whether this is truly hurt and of life choice or is a temporary mental illness. She could have out of control blood sugar, a B-12 deficiency, a thyroid problem or a number of other issues that could lead her to confused decision making. Be cautious of her sisters and their judgments. They are obviously sitting back and letting you run the show, but then forming conclusions that you're not doing it the way they would do it. Be sure you include their concerns in your written communication with the doctor.
Here we have district nurses who call to sick patients at least once a week they assess the situation and report everything dont you have this system in the US?
Let us know what happens as this is important to know and what a stressful time for you. I know my friends mum is not recovering well after her op and is of sound mind the nurse says if she dosnt put on more weight soon she will be readmitted to hospital until shes a normal weight! Hugs to you this is very stressful and such a worry and like another post says tell her sister to get her ass there and feed her! Everyone has an opinion but is not there to help?
With the way you've described her recent hospital stay, that may be enough documentation to show her intent, especially if the medical professionals did nothing about it but sent her home. As you have no posted this more specific information, I would say a nanny cam and journaling may not be necessary - may just be more work, too much work, for you. And goodness knows, I would never suggest unnecessary work when you're overwhelmed with what you're doing already.
But I would still recommend the fax or email sent directly to the doctor about her current behavior and her current choices, as well as remind the doctor at the same time, in writing, about her behavior and refusals in the hospital before they discharged her. The more you put in writing that they don't respond to, the less you are responsible, IMO.
You still haven't said her age or if there's anything else wrong with her, like something major medical, other than the diabetes. I want to ask you, jimmy, are YOU prepared for her to pass away. Her sisters may not be prepared because it's too close to mortality for them. But perhaps it's time for you to prepare yourself for her to depart in case that is truly what she wants. It is it possible to keep everyone alive, especially if their soul or spirit is heck bent on leaving. I just want you, if it's inevitable, and if the decision is it made out of impairment, to be able to except letting her go and know that you did everything in your power that she was willing to let you do.
Please keep posting.
Living at any cost is not living... I prefer to live and die naturally.. with minimum drama for myself & others, minimum cost to me and others, while reducing profits of the billion dollar, out of control, medical-marketing industry... i just say no, thank you.
I have seen far too many elders linger in pain, suffering and regretting their choices for years, thanks to having chosen the "benefits" of the miracle of modern "medicine".. when - if they had not taken the meds, or had pacemaker installed, heart transplant, etc.. they would have died as they lived, vibrant and still contributing and caring for themselves.
In the past,My own mother, step-father, brother and sister, in their own time, all over the age of 80 were able to stay in their own home with some pain relief and ice chips for dry mouth. Each of them glided into restful sleep…forever.They had been checked by docs and hospice nurses.We were letting them take control at the last. Keeping a detail log is a great idea as is staying in contact with her doc by phone.Does she respond to you at all? Sometimes a lift of an eyebrow, a lop-sided grin, a tiny nod of the head is all the response you may get. Did she used to like music? Does an on-going radio ( try the NPR station) soothe or irritate her?
Best wishes to you, gather around you (in person or by phone) supportive friends,minister? And be sure to keep your own self nourished.
Does your Mom have a good PCP?
Has she seen him/her lately?
Does she been suffering acute or chronic health issues?
Could she be "actively dying?"
Have you Investigated hospice?
I think if you have her assessed by her physician that would rule out neglect.
Maybe her physician would like her in hospital for a couple of days to
hydrate her and get a psych eval?